(Closed) kind of happy, but gutted at the same time!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
903 posts
Busy bee

Did you tell him you’d like to get married much sooner?

Post # 4
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your brain isn’t fully developed until 25 years old, so I have always been a fan of waiting until at least 25 to make such a leap. Plus, your odds for staying married improve with age. I am 25 years old and have grown up quite a bit since I was 21. I didn’t change as a person, but I feel like my mind got sharper — it’s a weird feeling. I feel like I know myself a lot better, I certainly know my SO a lot better, and looking back at being that age, I could see how in some respects I was naive. Every year you become more intelligent, and you usually look upon your past self as a fool in some respects. I don’t think waiting will bring you anything less than greater clarity. 

Enjoy your birthday and many happy years to come with your SO. It may suck to not have everything happen as soon as you want — but I don’t consider not marrying until 25 to be waiting — it’s more just like ensuring that you’re making a good decision as much as you can!

Post # 6
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Normally I would say 10 years together is beyond enough time to determine if you will work out, but since you are clearly high school sweethearts and only 21 years old,  statistically that highly increases your odds of divorce.

I think in your case, waiting until your both 25 would be uber smart! Gives you both more time to start your careers, and also gives you time to really examine things about your relationship. If anyone hassles you, just say you both want your careers established before you get married. Also if your almost 21 and  he said he thinks getting married by 25 is good, chances are the engagement will come in 2-2 1/2 years.

Post # 7
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Normally I would say 10 years together is beyond enough time to determine if you will work out, but since you are clearly high school sweethearts and only 21 years old,  statistically that highly increases your odds of divorce.

I think in your case, waiting until your both 25 would be uber smart! Gives you both more time to start your careers, and also gives you time to really examine things about your relationship. If anyone hassles you, just say you both want your careers established before you get married. Also if your almost 21 and  he said he thinks getting married by 25 is good, chances are the engagement will come in 2-2 1/2 years.

Post # 8
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@lucy_smith:  I’ve found that the best thing to do is talk. Communication or lack thereof is one of the main reasons relationships fail. So sit him back down and discuss your needs and wants. If you have a timeline, tell him. Don’t let it end without coming to an agreement on what will happen in your future. It’s unfair that one person gets to make all the decisions. A relationship involves two people so everything should be agreed upon together.

Post # 9
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

@lucy_smith:  4 years is a good long time to plan a wedding! You can make the perfect wedding! Think of it that way.

Post # 10
Member
16 posts
Newbee

@lucy_smith:  My SO and I just had our 9 year anniversary this past summer. He also just gave me a timeline of a proposal this time next year so I will be at 10 years and change, so don’t feel like you will be the only waiting bee having to wait long!! We began dating at the end of high school and had been told numerous times that we were mature for our ages and should have gotten married after college.

With that being said, I couldn’t be happier having to wait until next year for an engagement. SO will be finishing up law school, which he probably never would have been able to start if we had gotten married sooner with the school costs on top of living expenses. By waiting, we let his dream grow so that he could go into the profession that will make him happy and help support us as a couple. This also has given me time to grow as a professional in my job as well as plan and save money to put towards our dream wedding.

I understand how hard it is to constantly have people in your ear getting your hopes up but I assure you, waiting and saving your money and planning for the now is the best thing to do right now. I used to think 3 years was going to take forever (3 years for SO to finish law school) but he’s on his last year now and in retrospect, it just flew by!

Post # 11
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

If he’s wanting to be married at 25 he stilll could propose much sooner. But if your ready now then tell him so 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@lucy_smith:  I think this sounds like a good idea and compromise for you both. An earlier engagement but also a longer one so you’re not rushing into marriage if he’s not ready. Either way, talk it over with him and go from there. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
2213 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@elle_z:  +1

Even if you are mature, you will both still change a lot between your early 20s and mid to late 20s.  You may not notice it as it happens, but looking back you’ll be glad you took the extra few years to make sure marriage is what both of you want!  🙂

Post # 16
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@lucy_smith:  Good luck! I hope it works out the way you hope.

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