(Closed) Kind of lost my cool today.

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

So he knows about your living situation/your need to figure things out? (Sorry, I’m not familiar with your situation..) Maybe you could sit down and calmly and rationally talk about things. Express to him that you are excited to start your life together and explain your reasons for not feeling comfortable living with him before you are engaged. Tell him that you need a timeline to feel secure in the decisions you need to make about where to live.

I’m also waiting, so I understand the frustration, and I find that sometimes I make little comments that make me sound resentful of him for not having proposed yet, which later make me feel so guilty. Remember that you want to get married so much because you are in love, and you are very lucky to have found each other!! I hope everything works out!

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t see why your guy has a problem with you taking care of yourself and being an independent woman.  He should respect your decision to live separately until you’re married or engaged. Let him that you’re capable of it and that it won’t change how you feel about him. It is just temporary living arrangements.

Post # 5
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just do it on your own then. Sometimes, men think they have to provide everything and maybe he is lacking self-esteem. This is what I hear from FH’s friends. Maybe if he sees you are not dependent on him, he will see the light. It sounds like he is nervous about being good enough. How long have you been dating BTW?

Post # 6
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

TTLT2012 – I don’t think she was meaning to say he had a problem with it, it sounded to me like it’s a time-sensitive issue that she needs to decide to find her own place or, if he was planning on proposing soon, they may move in together. She’s upset about that fact that he wouldn’t give her a timeline, and when he did, it was longer than she expected. (VikingPrincess – correct me if I’m wrong!!)

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I say do it on your own. If he’s not doing anything, nothing wrong with moving on your own. If he doesn’t come around, you have a place to live, if he does, y’all will make arrangements.

I know how you feel though. Heck, his 19yr old niece just got married (after he tried to talk her out of it, not a good situation and at her age and meeting the guy for about 4 months) but I still felt horrible. I’m 10yrs older than her! ARGHHH!

Post # 9
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you’re on the right track with pulling away a tiny bit and wholeheartedly pursuing your own apartment.  He’s way too comfortable.  He’s 101% sure you’ll still be around and wanting to marry him in at least 6 months.  Make him wonder a tiny bit.  I’m not suggesting to be mean to him or to ignore him, just be a little less available.  As part of this, I’d say don’t bring up anything engagement or marriage related.  Just go silent on that front. 

It kind of sounds like he’s just delaying, with the ever-changing timelines he gives you.  What’s going to happen in 6 months that will make that the right time for engagement?  What was supposed to happen in 1-2 months (when he told you that)?  He’s not as ready as you are.

Post # 10
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You had to do a lot of ego work? He should thank his lucky stars you like him?

Wow, i can’t imagine why he hasn’t popped the question yet.

Post # 11
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

So you two have discussed getting married, correct?  And you know he’s proposing at some point, correct? If your only reasoning for not moving in with him is that you don’t have a ring yet, maybe you have the wrong idea of engagement.  It’s not all about a ring. 

@fiya:  I agree!  I was always under the impression that you should love someone for who they are, not resent them for being different from the cookie cutter image of a man that sitcoms and commercials like to market to us.

Post # 12
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh viking! I feel for you doll. How about this: why don’t you wait the 6 months? Just spend 6 more months on this man. Do your own thing, eat the living situation, and wait the 6 months. Then, once its over if there’s no serious commitment you are DONE!

If you love him you should give him that. I also think, however that during this 6 months you should make YOU your priority and not him and make it clear that you feel he is is dragging his heels and not appreciating you. He won’t have you till he has you.

It hurts but let the apt situation go. Make your own plans. Don’t make that the reason for speeding things up. He needs to do this based on loving you and wanting to be your husband, not real estate.

Best of luck

Xo

Post # 15
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Hey VikingPrincess – I feel for ya! Whether he is unsure yet or just wanting to “surprise you” with the timing of it, I think you have to very much focus on you. A lease isn’t forever, so if you arent happy with your living situation, start to suss out a new place to live. It will make you a lot happier and take the stress off over the “will he or wont he”

just because he may not be ready right now, doesnt mean he wont be in 6 months. Just concentrate on making yourself happy!

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