(Closed) Kinda embarrassed/feel bad……need advice

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
116 posts
Blushing bee

Yikes! There is not much you could do at this point. If they are having a local wedding you can tell them how lucky they are are and how you wish you were having a local wedding….. You could explained that one of the bad things of having a Destination Wedding is that you can not make any last minute changes and you a realy limited to the guest list. How you wished they and more of your friends could be there with you on that special day.

Post # 4
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would think that since Mark and Dannica are in the process of planning and financing their own wedding they will be even more understanding that you could not accommodate them at yours – plus, if you’re having a Destination Wedding, expenses for them to attend would be quite high.  Don’t stress to much about this!

Post # 5
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

What’s done is done. You’re having a destination wedding and it sounds like they’re not. You can’t invite 200 people to a Destination Wedding, so the lines have to be drawn somewhere. I wouldn’t think much of it and go to their wedding (assuming you want to go).

I wouldn’t go out of my way to discuss it with dannica, but the next time you see her just say how you wished you could have had everyone. I’m sure she’s probably over it.

Post # 6
853 posts
Busy bee

Ya, I think it’s a bit different because your wedding was a destination wedding. I think that because they’re also planning a wedding (and likely understand guest list constraints) you could say something along the lines of really wishing that you could have had them at yours. Maybe they would appreciate an explanation. That might be less awkward than just ignoring the issue completely.

Post # 7
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just let it be! I am sure they figured your wedding was just smaller than thiers. We are having a big wedding and invited all of our friends, while some of them are having smaller weddings and not inviting us. We are not offended at all. People know that weddings are expensive so I wouldn’t even think twice about it.

Post # 8
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Let it be!

They knew they weren’t invited to yours and still invited you – that in itself is an honour. But you shouldn’t feel bad about it either. People have different weddings, different budgets and different expectations.

Have fun at their wedding!

Post # 9
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@LauraRose:  Noe everyone has the same style of wedding.  Some people have 500 people gala affairs and other have 10 people back yard parties.  There is nothing wrong with that.

Attend their wedding if you would like to, and perhaps invite them over for supper at a later date to reciprocate their invitation.

You don’t have to invite every person who ever invites you to their wedding.

Post # 10
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

They might just think you’re closer than you think you are so the next time you see them, I would probably pull Dannica aside and thank her for the invitation and then just let her ooze all about her wedding and make it about her. If it gets awkward, be honest and say that you only had X spots and unfortunately a lot of family trumped the friend spots.  I’m sure she’ll understand.

Post # 11
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

From the sounds of it, they very likely only invited you because they assumed you were inviting them to yours. Whether they are having a large/small/whatever wedding is besides the point since they specifically told your mutual friends that they thought you were inviting them. With this in mind, you have several options, especially with your wedding taking place relatively far away.

My experience with Destination Wedding is that a lot of people RSVP with the best intentions and then they discover that due to limited finances or unexpected circumstances (e.g. ER trips, illness, job loss, etc.), they have to bail on the Destination Wedding they had every intention of attending. For example, the one we most recently went to (and we personally spent over $2k on airfare alone), they had 45+ people expected. By about 2-3 months out, they were at 30 people total. Both good friends and family members were unable to make it due to financial hardship.

So there’s a good chance that even though your spots are filled, two seats may just open up. As such, in theory, they can now be invited and no one is the wiser, unless your mutual friends say something to the effect of, “Oh, we already got the invites/STDs 2 months ago!”

In addition, it is not your fault that they assumed you would invite them. It is their fault for assuming. So you can attend their wedding and get them a nice gift. However, if you do feel super awkward, I suppose you can always RSVP “no”.

Either way, I probably wouldn’t pull her aside to explain since it’s all hearsay that she expected to be invited to yours (she didn’t tell you directly, after all). It will be a very awkward conversation for both of you, I imagine.

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