(Closed) Kinda hurt

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
6595 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She might just think you don’t want to take a heavy financial hit right after your own wedding, nor do you have time to do all that shopping with her right now when your own is coming up in 2 months.  If she’s already planning so early into her own semi-engagement, it sounds like the wedding itself will come up fast.  Consider it a favor to you rather than a slight on your friendship.

Post # 3
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

If she and her FI(ish) have sisters and cousins, there may be some family politics going on.  Or as PP said, or both!  Or maybe she wanted a nonbridesmaid to be able to vent to ( an untitled but very valued position, haha!)  Or maybe she thinks you’re just not into bridal parties, that it is not your ‘thing’.  You can ask her or not, but there are so many possible reasons that you can read into that it will drive you nuts!

Post # 5
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t take it as a personal slight. My daughter is getting married and she asked her 3 sisters to stand with her. She has 4 extremely close friends who are feeling slighted but she simply didn’t want that large a bridal party. Sometimes it has nothing to do with the strength of your friendship.

Post # 6
Member
942 posts
Busy bee

Your friendship still means a lot to her since she is confiding in you about her bridal party stress.  I would focus on the quality of the relationship without worrying about the bridal party status.  I can absolutely see why you are upset.  For one of my friends, I was a bridesmaid for her, but for my wedding, I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid because she hated having to plan for her own and was upset about being a bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding.  Your friend may have thought that since you weren’t having a bridal party, that you wouldn’t enjoy being in hers! Idk. I hope your friendship continues to be wonderful 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

Ugh that’s annoying. I would be tempted to text back “Should have chosen me then if you wanted to enjoy yourself!” just to see what she said to that. It hurts, I hated being “readers” instead of Bridesmaids for two of my BFFS. One because her 5 siblings were her only bridal party and the other because my childhood bestie and I had a period where we didn’t see/talk much the few years leading up to her wedding and she has a large group of tight knit girlfriends in her home city. Just try to understand that there are so many reasons for how/why people pick their bridal parties. I mean it’s one thing to “understand” and another thing to squash feelings. No matter how much I understood, it still stung. 

Post # 8
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This is hard.  I feel like the text seems kind of intentional to let you know you weren’t a bridesmaid…since she hadn’t even talked to you first, you know.  So I guess I’m viewing it from it being kind of a personal thing and i feel bad for you!

But like PP–there can be all sorts of crazy family politics in bridal party things.  And perhaps she may even be hoping you’ll ask who her bridesmaids are and open the conversation so she can explain why she chose whom she did?  It’s really hard to say.  Does she know you’re not having a wedding party?

For what it’s worth–I’m probably biased to be hurt for you because this just happened to my sister, too, and she loves her friend and all, but it was so weird that they were so close and had always said they’d be bridesmaids for each other, etc…so my sister was really surprised when it seems a pretty obvious “snub” to not be a bridesmaid. But anyway, I kept encouraging my sister that it’s hard to know what someone is really thinking and when it comes to wedding planning it’s so much focus on themselves and it’s quite easy for something to slide and someone to completely unintentionally hurt some feelings.  

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I am sorry you are hurt, and it makes sense.  It seems like she definitely values you as a friend if she is confiding in you about wedding stress.  Does she know you are not having a bridal party?  Maybe she thought she wasn’t in yours?  Or like others have mentioned, maybe because you didn’t have one, she didn’t think it’d be your thing so to speak.  Do you know how many or who she is having?  Maybe she is just having sisters, cousins, FSILs, etc.  I’ve known of many ppl to just stick to family to avoid hurt feelings among friends, so maybe it is a situation like that.    

Post # 10
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I can understand how that would be hurtful. I think you’re doing the right thing by deciding not to say anything. Try not to take it as a sign that you aren’t close / important to her. You obviously are important to her. Perhaps she has family or people she felt she *had* to ask to be in her bridal party? It can be really tricky to choose people for a bridal party when you have so many people’s feelings to consider and family, different groups of friends etc. I’m sure she’d be upset if she realised she had hurt you. Basically it does suck so *HUG*, but it will be ok xx

Post # 11
Member
32 posts
Newbee

First of all, so glad you say you won’t bring this up and will support her and let this go. That being said, I completely get being hurt, because it’s human, and we are all silly like that. But if it helps, try to understand that choices in weddings are generally not personal. It’s incredibly hard to make those decisions, and shouldn’t mean anything bigger. My childhood best friend (we drifted apart, but will always have love for each other) had our High School bully and a girl she doesn’t even like (till this day) be her bridesmaid, and didn’t ask me. They hang out even less than me and her. It was an odd choice, but I didn’t take it personal at all. I still love her just the same. So just remember: this doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. 😉

Post # 12
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Could it be she thinks you are not into the “bridesmaid” thing since you are not having a bridal party??? I agree, you should not say anything to her since it is her wedding/decision.  Perhaps the next time she confides in you about Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping you could ask her how she picked her bridal party??? That will give you some insight. 🙂

I think she still considers you a friend if she is confiding in you about her bridal party.  I know it sucks…  Good luck!

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