Post # 1
I was wondering how people start talking about marriage and get engaged because I think I will have that talk tomorrow…!
SO and I were planning a trip together (his birthday present to me), and SO said he really wants to make it special so he asked me if he could join on my vacation. In fact I was planning on a solitary vacation to think things through in general, meeting new people and experiencing the great nature… 🙂 So when he said he wanted to make the trip very special and join me, I had to tell him what my intention was with my vacation. I kept it very short about what I want in my life, and my timeline about marriage. He said he understands and wants to talk about it tomorrow in person.
He’s such a sweetie and I’ve been wanting to get married to him, but few years back I was still finishing my undergrade and it hasn’t been exactly easy ride so far, and I’ve gone through so much and he’s seen me struggling. Anyhow, up until a year ago, it was not a situation to think about getting married even if I dreamed of it… Now we are both more mature and stable I realistically started thinking more about the future together. We’ve discussed sometimes, but it was not really serious and just jokingly saying something like our kids will be cute or what bleed of a dog we wanted… We’ve gone to house hunting a year ago what kind of places we would like together or saw rings here and there, but we never really acted on anything.
I think it’s going to be a bit serious talk and I am already getting nervous! We are going to our favorite place to have dinner, and I don’t know how I can finish this talk with a positive note…I wonder if he would have things to say that I want to hear and we can acutally move forward…!
Post # 3
@workingbee: Welcome to the Hive!
It sounds like the talk tomorrow is just what you and he need to do– find out what each other wants and expects of the relationship, and possibly see if there is a timeline for your future. I couldn’t tell from your post whether you told him your trip is to think about what you want for the relationship, but it kind of sounds that way. If you did, and he wants to go along and “make it special for you,” well, he might have something up his sleeve.
Definitely sounds like it’s time to be clear with each other about what you each are wanting and hoping for, and hopefully talking about a timeline for when you want to be married.
Those conversations are scary, but if you love each other and are already pretty committed to each other, it really shouldn’t go badly!
Post # 4
@Creiddylad: So glad to find a place like this – because I’ve been pretty much alone in this being a pretty private person! Thanks for your comment.
The trip was for me to refresh from crazy work and reexame everything I have on my table. Everyone is getting married around me and it’s hard to take! (althout I am already over the phase where I crush every time I hear somebody getting engaged… I am more purely happy for them now and I could care less now.)
I was thinking about going somewhere very quiet…wander around. He won’t really have anything surprising for me this time. I think! He’s a kind of guy who takes things really slow and usually there is no surprises. A very good example would be when we are at our favorite restaurant – I usually know what I want and order it right away while he’s forever looking at the menu deciding today’s best… Sometime I tease him saying “you know we will come again here next week”! He’s also pretty soft spoken so I will see what he has to say or if there is any significant difference from “Hinting around” like we did before!
My imagination ran wild today, thinking I would be working at night at home and sending emails like – well my son was crying so I am up anyway or something.
Happy thoughts, but really nervous…!
Post # 5
@workingbee: It’s funny no one else seems to have noticed your thread. Oh well. . .
I hope you are getting through today OK, and your talk over dinner tonight goes well! Sounds like the two of you would benefit from a bit more clarity around the marriage thing. 🙂 Good luck!