Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
You all have been so helpful with so many other things. I figured you ladies could help me with this. A week or two ago I posted about how my Fiance and I’s sex life and pretty much gone to nothing.
After talking with him and kinda getiing to the bottom of it. I found out he is having issues with his weight. So my feelings of rejections were unfounded.
Anyway I want to help him get motivated and do something about it it, since it’s clearly bothering him and it’s affecting us. Well sexually anyway.
Let me be real clear, His weight doesn’t bother me. AT ALL!!! I love him the way he is. However i want him to be healthly and active. He previously lost 50 pounds and he was so happy and i was so pround of him.
I have been getting clean and have changed most of my habits. I cook two meals every single night. What i am eatting and what he eats.
I realize I may enable him, but if he comes home and there is “Nothing to drink” (I only drink water). He will go out and buy a two liter of coke and drink it down.
I just want some tips on how i can help him be more motivated to move his body. I feel bad because he watches me work out and he’ll make comments that clearly show he botherd.
Post # 2
My Fiance and I do physical things together that aren’t “working out”. He taught me how to play ice hockey and he started hiking with me. We don’t go to the gym or whatever, but I started inviting him on my nightly walks with the pup and such. By having fun together, but not pushing for just exercise, we’ve definitely been getting healthier without trying.
Post # 3
First, I am your husband in my relationship. My husband eats very healthy (even if it tastes awful) and is very trim whereas I actually need my food to taste good and am overweight. So I’m not saying any of this to be mean to your husband, but as advice about what would work for me.
So, I would recommend that you cook a single healthy meal for the both of you. Obviously, you should try to find things that he likes, but don’t make a whole separate (unhealthy) meal for him. Get him involved in meal planning, so you can find healthy alternatives that he’ll like.
Do the grocery shopping and make a list. If soda and junk food aren’t on the list, don’t buy it. If he goes out and buys it, so be it. But it’s a lot harder to resist if it’s right in front of you than it is if you have to drive to the store. That being said, I sometimes ask for things that aren’t the healthiest (cheese and pretzels and ice cream) but I’m usually much more reasonable when I’m asking for something a day in advance than I am if I’m hungry at the grocery and I buy all of my favorite junk food!
Also, have you considered doing less intense workouts so that he could join you? Lately my husband has started running and I simpy cannot run like that. Between bad joints and asthma, it just doesn’t work. Even when I was at my most fit, I couldn’t run long distances. So he’ll ask me if I want to come on a run but that just makes me feel worse because I know that I can’t. So he goes by humself and I sit and watch TV. However, if he asks me if I want to go for a long walk or a bike ride, I’m much more likely to join in. You may not have as intense work outs some of hte time, but it will really help him. Or go to the gym together and you can do separate things, but at the same time.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
JenGirl: I am doing zumba 4 nights a week. I think he would feel uncomfortable coming to that. But i have suggested that we walk together, or ride bikes or roller blade or anything. He wants to do it. But even he says he isn’t motivated enough to do so.
I am going to stop making the two meals. But he whines and pouts and quite frankly I don’t want to hear his mouth. He doesn’t like anything unless it’s coverd in sauce I swear. It’s hard even for me living like that. I seriosuly have my own separte side of the fridge.
Thanks for your advice
Post # 5
My Fiance has been enjoying the benifits of my health kick. I track what we eat (using Myfittness pal) and make weekly meal plans. He eats what I eat and tends to loose weight. If you cook, you can help him eat healthier just by making healthier foods.
I would think about keeping something on hand that has less calories than coke. I will chug watter under certain circumstances, but I have never really “enjoyed” drinking water. I keep light juice on hand, typically V8. It has a lot fewer calories per oz than soda does. I also have Crystal lite packets.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton
My fiance and I are trying to get healthy/lose weight together, but I think some of this might still be helpful:
– Learn a new sport or do something outside together. Even bowling can be a little bit of a workout and it’s fun! We learned to play racquetball together – it’s our special way to spend time together and still get our workout in. When one of us doesn’t want to go, we agree to just go for 15-20 minutes. We normally end up staying longer than that, so maybe you could try something like that?
– Make one healthy meal that works for both of you! I can eat veggies and dry chicken and be totally fine with it, but my fiance needs a little more flavor. We’ve found that light sour cream, ketchup, hot sauce, and spices help him a lot, so he’ll throw those on after I’ve gotten my portion. That’s not always a totally healthy option, but it works for us! I also use Skinnytaste.com to find new recipes for us to try together and then we tweak them to fit our tastes (like adding in some of my fiance’s favorite veggies or giving it a little more flavor).
– As far as the drinks, would he try using some of those water flavor things? I will only drink plain water, but my fiance loves soda and other drinks. He uses Mio to flavor his water, which I think is a good compromise.
Post # 7
ALso echoing other PPs to stop making two meals. I know in my case, I would much rather eat a healthy non-optimal tasting meal that’s already provided than having to make one myself, haha.
Post # 8
He needs to get motivated an step up and take action for himself. You can’t lose his weight for him. I agree with PPs and stop making two meals. If he goes out an buys coke then there’s nothing you can do. Keep the house junk free as much as possible. But he needs to do this himself. Help him by encouraging him, tell him you think he looks sexy no matter what, but want him around as long as possible, and being healthier is the way to do it. Maybe look for recipes together that are low salt and healthy options.
Post # 9
(1) Like PP’s – stop making two meals. He’ll sulk, but he can either eat what you make or fend for himself. You can look for lighter/healthier versions of what he likes, though, and try those, or focus on healthier portion sizes first, instead of the meals themselves.
(2) If he isn’t ready to give up soda, buy 12 packs of cans (or even those mini-cans if you can find them), and keep 1 or 2 in the fridge at a time. It can help him stick to one can of soda a at time instead of 2 liters.
(3) Instead of talking about exercising together, ask him to walk with you after dinner to enjoy the nice weather or do an active date like bowling, skating, driving range, etc. He has to motivate himself to work out, but you can work active quality time into your days.
Post # 10
Stop making two meals. You don’t need to go crazy IMO, but start making lower calorie versions of things he likes. Smaller portions, use brown rice instead of white, whole grain pasta, milk instead of cream, ground turkey instead of beef, etc. As he gets more used to it you can start getting even more healthy. If he cries about it, I’d just tell him to make his own damn dinner then, and if he goes out and gets something…well that’s his problem.
If he refuses to drink water, at least get diet soda. The Mio or crystal light flavoring things aren’t bad either.
Post # 11
Like many others said, just one meal. I think the tricky thing is how.
Since it sounds like you are the person who does the cooking and manages the groceries that are in the house, see what you can do to accommodate him in healthy ways. Maybe he doesn’t like the same healthy food as you and is not quite ready to completely go on the clean purge of the cupboards. Have you talked about what foods he does like? Even if it means making a healthy dinner with brown rice and vegetables for you but adding some juicy red meat to his rice and vegetables. Basically you become his food advocate by having good things that he likes.
Good luck! Congratulations to both of you on this lifestyle change!
Post # 12
Great suggestions on here but I wanted to mention that you should have him try Mio drops, dasani drops, etc. for his water.
These have greatly increased our water intake. There are a ton of flavors but since I like tart things my favorites are Mio’s blueberry lemonade and I think it’s dasani’s cherry limeade. I will sometimes even add them to sparkling water to trick myself into thinking I’m having soda.
Also, my hubs loves powerade zero. Yeah, not as good as water, but it helps him a lot. Baby steps!
Another thing is to have 1 special “fancy” glass bottled soda once a week. My hubs loves cream soda so he gets that. He looks forward to it at the end of his week.
There are also recipies for fruit infused water that you can try. Oh and sometimes I will make a pot of hot tea in a yummy flavor. I add honey to sweeten or even some brown sugar. I then chill it : )
Try everything until something works and then supplement that into his day while gradually weening him off his soda. Hope it helps!