Post # 1
OK, I need some opinions! My ex was an awful kisser and we had a mostly sexless marriage. I actually believe a kiss can be more intimate than sex. I grew to miss kissing almost more than I missed sex, which I missed an AWFUL lot! Now my Fiance and I have been together for over 3 years, lived together over 2 yrs and though he kisses me often, it’s pretty much never deep kissing. He did somewhat when we were first together, but not any more. Never…not to initiate sex, not during sex. Never just a grab me and make out with me kiss… I’ve talked to him about this and he says he’s very self-conscious about his breath (he’s a smoker) even though I have never turned him away from a kiss. And yes, I do attempt to initate some make-out sessions but it never goes anywhere. I’m worried that this is a relationship red flag even though everything else is good. Is it just my lot in life to never be passionately kissed?? I’m pretty good at it actually (I’ve been told). Does anyone else go without deep kissing? Is this just a factor of an LTR? I’m not looking to find fault but I’m really wondering why I can’t get kissed anymore. Thanks!
Post # 3
I find that we make out a lot less than we used to before we started having sex. I think society says that once you start having sex, that kissing isn’t really worth anything. Not saying that’s the truth though.
Post # 4
That’s a hard one… If I were in your shoes I would take my SO and very intensely force him to kiss me saying something along the lines of “If you wont give me what I want, I’ll take it” and force the kiss. I’d probably even make it a rough slobbery messy one just for the laughs. I like to laugh though. I’d say be direct, go in for the kisses you want, show him you enjoy kissing him and fight past his insecurities. I wouldn’t read too much into it, not just yet. We all have different things that make us insecure. I’m highly insecure over my stomach region and still have trouble showing it off to my SO 2.5 years later. He begs me to be open with him over it and I’m working on it but… It in no way relates to my feelings toward my SO, my insecurities are mine and mine alone. He could be the same way, insecure all because of him and he just needs that little forceful push into more intimate kissing
Post # 5
I’m with you, I love deep kisses! Fiance and I have been together for 2.5 years and I still love the way he kisses me. When we first started dating I swear it used ti take us like 10 minutes just to kiss goodbye. We still always kiss multiple times before we leave each other and I still love it. He grabds my face…there is just something about it, so I know where you are coming from!
Post # 6
I love deep kissing too. I would tell him it’s really important to you and let him know how much you love his kisses. Tell him if he’s really worried about his breath, he can keep some breath mints around and pop one in before the make out session starts!
Post # 7
Good reason to get him to quit smoking I reckon 😉
Post # 8
Ask him if he knows how to thumb wrestle…. then tell him “now try that with your tongue. Challenge him to beat you! Somewhere in that experience a REALLY encrediable kiss will happen!
Post # 9
My husband and I kiss all the time and it’s practically an unspoken prerequisite during sex. I love kissing and I’m glad my husband does as well, no matter if we’re having sex or not. Everytime I tried to get a loving kiss out of my ex that was more than a peck, he immediately went to “That must mean I take my pants off now.” It got annoying after a while.
My husband smokes and it doesn’t hinder us one bit. Sometimes the ashes still linger but as long as he brushes his teeth really well afterwards and uses a strong mouthwash, the smell is pretty much nonexistent. Have you talked about ways he could quit smoking or disguise the smell? Maybe he just needs some direct, no-nonsense reassurance about his kissing abilities as well as your need for some nice lip action
Post # 10
@harleyq: Yes, I have told him it would be another good reason to stop smoking and to be honest, even though I hate cigarette smoke and the lingering smell (he ONLY smokes outside the house) it has never been an impediment to me kissing him. I guess I’ve been concerned that he’s using the smoking as an excuse to not kiss me because he doesn’t feel it for me – but the kissing would be the only questionable thing because he’s enormously affectionate in every other way 🙂
Post # 11
I have to chime in on this one as I’m in a similar situation as you. I actually never enjoyed kissing my previous boyfriend, but there’s just something magical about kissing my fiance. I love love kissing him. Just thinking about it makes me weak in the knees. Unfortunately, he’s from a more conservative culture, and also has a shy personality when it comes to the opposite sex. He’s actually never asked a girl out in his life (so strange, I know).
Anyway, so we’ve had to have many adjustments (read: arguments) because I obviously love kissing a lot more than he does. He’s also a smoker, although I don’t really notice it while kissing. We deep kiss when we have sex, but we don’t have makeout sessions outside sex. I must say I’ve had my share of insecurities, wondering what it means.
In the end, I think it’s a personal decision. Nobody can tell me or you whether it’s a deal breaker. For me, though I’d like to kiss him more often, I also understand that’s his personality. I’ve actually gotten used to not having make out sessions and am quite content with other affectionate kisses we still do share. I guess we’ve reached our compromise. On the other hand, if we were sexless, I don’t think I’d be so content. I think it’s a deal breaker if the frustration from that aspect of the relationship overshadows everything else.
So that’s the question I’d ask you. Are you so frustrated that it overshadows other aspects of your relationship? For example, does the lack of kissing make you snappy? If it’s not that extreme, maybe you can reach a compromise just like any other aspects of personality that don’t match perfectly.
Post # 12
@lorie: I totally get what you mean about kissing being more intimate and missed more than sex – I get a lot of cold sores, my SO has never had them so when I have them we do not kiss at all, so we can go without kissing for three-four months at a time 🙁 but of course we still sleep together and it really feels less intimate to me without kissing.
Other than that I’m afraid I can’t help – if I want a smooch, I fake demand one with a fake pout that makes him laugh and obey 🙂