(Closed) Knock it off, seriously.

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

AMEN SISTER!!!!!

Absolutely, please let us know the location of the “magic feelings wands”.

Seriously, we’re all women here, right? You should all know that even if it’s easier not to/doesn’t make sense/is extremely painful, we have our feelings and accepting that we should feel the way we do is the first step to dealing with it.

*whew*! That was a relief to get out 🙂

Thank you Lezlers

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you feel beaten down by the posts of some bees on the waiting board.  The waiting board has come under attack a few times throughout my time here at the ‘Bee which is really unfortunate.  I know waiting is hard, my own wait was hard.  I think most people are just trying to ease some of the anxiety of the waiting bees, not trying to demean them.

Post # 5
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

I know where the magic wand is but because you are not being nice, I shall not tell you where it is. Have fun in your lavender scented bath. Oh, and chill!! *I love when folks tell me to chill*

Post # 6
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I can understand where you’re coming from but I have to say that your tone is pretty off-putting.

Like MissAsB said, I think that most people are just trying to help.

Post # 7
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ever heard the expression that you shouldn’t pee where you eat?

I am sorry that you’re having a hard time waiting, but as others have said, I think these replies come from a genuine place of trying to help. It DOES make the wait easier if you try to focus on something else. I don’t remember seeing replies that say you should “magically” turn off your feelings. Regardless, most bees try to help, and complaining about that to the same people who have offered that advice is in really poor taste. Note, I am not saying you shouldn’t be frustrated with that advice if you disagree with it, I just am astonished that you would basically yell at the people who try to help.

Post # 8
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

🙂 I’m glad someone said something!

Waiting sucks and memories are kind. Looking back at waiting, I know I was silly. But I also know that I am madly in love with my fiance and I didn’t want to wait another second to be his fiancee and soon, his wife! I hated hated hated hatedddd when married/engaged women said “oh, it’ll come in time..”

Hang in there.. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can understand why you feel that way.  The last thing a woman months deep in “waiting” wants to hear is “oh, it will happen when the time is right!!!” or something like that.  You probably feel like the time was right about 6 months ago. 

Or, sometimes you see comments like “I never understood what the deal is with girls who are waiting.  Fiance and I just dated happily for 4-5-6 years and then he surprised me with a ring.  I didn’t have to push him” (something to that general effect).  OK…. great?!

I’ve been engaged over a year, but I still remember how much it sucked waiting and I still wish (a little bit) that he didn’t drag it out as long as he did.  Even though we are fine now and he hasn’t balked a bit at any of the wedding plans.

Post # 10
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I remember how much waiting sucked as well so I can sympathize!

Post # 11
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I understand your sentiment…your title was a little…harsh?…for weddingbee, but I get it.

It’s always frustrating when someone threadjacks your emotional/vent thread with a reply like “I have no idea why you feel that way and I have no advice for how you should deal with it so basically I’m not helpful at all.”  Not just on the waiting boards, but on all boards.

If I post I’m looking for helpful advice, not someone replying who not only can’t relate but dismisses what I’m feeling too.  Boo on them.

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I get that this is a vent…but what exactly do you want people to say? Do you want them just to commiserate or do you want them to offer suggestions? A lot of the bees have been where you are now and are sharing what worked for them…or at least made the wait a little more bearable.

Post # 13
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Amen, JamaicaBride! There’s a lot of advice I feel like I could give, because half my time here on the Bee was as a waiting gal; but at this point, seeing the reactions to previously given advice, I think I would be wasting my breath, because it wouldn’t be received well.

@lezlers: I’m sorry you’re unhappy, and that someone said something that upset you. If you’d ever like to know how I, personally, made it through my time of waiting without going crazy or driving my Fiance crazy, I’d love to dialogue. Until then, I’ll stay off the waiting board!

Post # 14
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

*Starting a slow clap that builds up to a thunderous applause*

Thank you, thank you thank you!

Pretty flowers- you hit the nail on the head with this: 

Or, sometimes you see comments like “I never understood what the deal is with girls who are waiting.  Fiance and I just dated happily for 4-5-6 years and then he surprised me with a ring.  I didn’t have to push him” (something to that general effect).  OK…. great?!

Exactly. No one just ups and gets engaged without discussing it, well at least level headed people don’t. Everyone needs to go read I think it was MissOctopus’ blog entry about getting her guy to propose and ALLLLLLLLL of the responses after. Maybe that is where the advice comes from. The advice giver sees how crazed they were and how it wasn’t cool, so they don’t want other women to make the mistake? That’s about all I can gather.

But everything can be said with tact, not in a condesending manner. 

Post # 15
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@lezlers:  I know exactly which post you are talking about and just wanted to say that i had the exact same reaction when I read it.  I’m glad some people just had a perfect dating relationship and then the moment the thought it was right, they got a proposal.  congratulatios.  good for you.  but when a poster is venting about how frustrated she is with waiting, that perfect little brady bunch story will only make her feel worse.

Post # 16
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I understand all the Bees who are engaged are so happy and may not immediatly relate to our feelings….it’s in the past and I suspect most Bee’s waiting period actually WAS difficult.

but there is still a difference between

Hepful: “this is how I got through it” VERY HELPFUL by the way, “I understand” etc.

And

Unhelpful: something along the lines of “don’t be so _______(however we’re feeling)”

The topic ‘Knock it off, seriously.’ is closed to new replies.

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