(Closed) Knock it off, seriously.

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

View original reply
@lezlers: I wasn’t offended but thank you for clarifying. I will agree that some responses to certain threads can be condescending and I have seen this primarily with the waiting board and when younger brides start threads. I can see how it would be frustrating.

Post # 19
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  Lezlers, I totally understand what you mean (and, thank you for the nice response the other day!).

  As I was going through new teacher orientation, we were told that part of being a good teacher is knowing how to say things. We were told that, for report cards, use the “oreo method” (say something nice, give constructive criticism, and then end positively). It’s all about how you say it. I know that I need to hear that I need to be patient, but if a person is already feeling bad about something (even if it’s irrational, feelings are feelings), why kick them when they’re down?

  I’m going to stop before I go cliche-crazy. While it is great that things happen quickly for some, or that some are able to relax more easily than others, when giving advice, make sure you’re phrasing it in a helpful way!

Post # 20
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

What irks me are the snide remarks I see from time to time that indicate that people who “aren’t even engaged yet” shouldn’t be on this site or shouldn’t be concerned with wedding-related things…

Post # 21
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Regina Phalange- I completely agree! Apparently, to some, you’re only allowed to think wedding if you have a ring. By The Way, I love your screenname!

Post # 22
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I totally agree (and I agreed on your other post as well!!) It’s easy to judge if you don’t/didn’t feel the same way, but it’s not helpful.

Post # 23
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I found WB as a waiting Bee and I remember waiting being really hard and not liking the “just wait and be happy posts” either!

But I disagree with the comment that you don’t like when posters post to relax and enjoy this part of your relationship. Because that is honestly how I dealt with waiting and it worked for me. I focused on the here and now and really just enjoyed spending time with him.

I don’t often post on waiting threads because I feel like no one wants to hear my advice, but it really did work for me!

Post # 24
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

wow well frankly it looks like its turning into engaged and married bees against waiting bees. So far i havent really come across any negative remarks from either side UNTIL THIS thread. 

I do understand that you want the freedom to vent about waiting but your tone is awful and i feel you’re taking your waiting frustration out on the wrong people. PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS and when you post on an internet site you must be ready to accept that some will not agree with u. bees can sympathise with you or not, its not mandatory that every bee agree with every word you type.

Post # 25
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

I can honestly say that my year of waiting (we had dated for about a year and a half and then I started wanting to be engaged BADLY but didn’t get the ring for another 1.5 years) was probably the worst time in my life. Probably had something to do with my school work as well, but looking back at it, all I feel is yucky. I’m not trying to make you feel worse – I just wanted you to know that if I had known about a place like this, where I could come and vent about my feelings with others who were waiting, it would have been AMAZING. My mom would have loved the break, too I’m sure.:)

I totally understand your vent, and I just wanted to say that I would probably feel similarly in your shoes. I hope you find mostly positive support here at WB, OR if you just pop in to occasionally say that WAITING SUCKS, I will give you a huge AMEN.

Waiting sucks. End of story. Nothing really ever made me feel better about except for saying it outloud (or typing it that is 🙂

<3

Post # 27
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I have no idea what post(s) you’re referring to specifically but i agree with pp that it seems like there are cycles where the waiting board comes under some attack. And it has always annoyed me when people are all “oh it was love at first sight! and he shocked me with a proposal at 18 months! oh and by the way i eat cheeseburgers for lunch every day and chicken fingers for dinner and i just canNOT put on enough weight to fill out my size 4 jeans.” (maybe that last bit was my own issues…). 

Anyways, I empathize. I was on the waiting board for a few months before I got engaged and it bugged the crap out of me when people acted like I shouldn’t think about the proposal. I think most girls go through some sense of “waiting.” It sucks. not much to be done about that (except to maybe reassure everyone that once “it” happens the waiting period seems like it just flew by..). 

Post # 28
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Regina Phalange: Agreed! That is the worst, like its an exclusive club you need a ring to get into. 

View original reply
@prettyflowers: Thank you! I think it is great that most of the bees are supportive and understanding because they realize what waiting bees are going through. Its those few who don’t get it because they are fabulously engaged and ….not in the real world?

Post # 29
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
@FMM: hearing that we shouldn’t feel the way we feel is the issue, I think.  Yes, there are times I really do enjoy my relationship. And personally, for me those come after venting/writing in journal/otherwise acknowledging my feelings. I guess I need to work through it to find my peace. It doesn’t just happen becuase I want it to happen…takes work.  Of course I want to enjoy my relationship, we all do! The thing is, how? What worked for you? Simply wishing you felt that way?

View original reply
@CorgiTales: “And it has always annoyed me when people are all “oh it was love at first sight! and he shocked me with a proposal at 18 months! oh and by the way i eat cheeseburgers for lunch every day and chicken fingers for dinner and i just canNOT put on enough weight to fill out my size 4 jeans.” (maybe that last bit was my own issues…)”

NO, this is not just your issue! I appreciate you sharing your feelings on that. An acquaintace (BF’s friend’s girlfriend) just got proposed to. I told her I was so happy, how’s the planning going for the move, etc. etc., gushing, and sucking it up so she wouldn’t know I was jealous. Then, in a later text, I asked “were you surprised?” and she said something like “YES, OMG” (and then presumably went off to eat her daily quota of cheesburgers while maintaining a size 2). When I saw that I threw up a little in my mouth. I knew she was lying too, becuase my Boyfriend or Best Friend had asked her awhile ago, something to the affect of if she’d move back to this state, etc, and he said according to her it was “clear she knew it was coming”.  So really?!?!? Who is she trying to kid? *vent*

Sorry if I’m threadjacking but it seemed related….aka once she’s engaged it’s all “OMG I never saw it coming!” instead of whatever the actual truth may be.

 

Post # 30
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think that with the waiting board you need to just relax and enjoy the ride. i am engaged and am waiting but once it comes that day is going to be over in a blink of an eye. I want to enjoy this time and enjoy the wating……

Post # 31
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’ve seen the posts about girls who dont understand waiting and all that too. Honestly, kind of find it unbelieveable. Every single girl I know who is in a serious relationship is, to some degree, waiting. And if someone says yes to the proposal, obviously the thought has crossed their mind. Maybe they didnt go as wedding crazy as me and spend free time googling different venues and centerpieces but…at least when it finally happened I had an idea of what places to tour 🙂

Waiting sucks. Watching your friends who started dating their boyfriends after you get engaged and married BEFORE you sucks.

You may not have control over your feelings, but you can control how you express them and what you do with them. Which is why Wedding Bee and the Waiting Board is so helpful. Kudos to any WB who is able to keep their rants to the board (I was not. Poor Fiance.)

 

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