(Closed) Knock it off, seriously.

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@danadelphia: Very well said. I agree.

Post # 48
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You know, when I was “waiting”, i hadn’t found Weddingbee yet, so it was just a personal issue 24/7. I really wish somebody who’d “been there, done that, survived, got the ring, happily ever after” would’ve given me breaths of reassural, told me to keep busy, to take a deep breath and focus on other things. I think most people come from a helpful stance. Sometimes not, but there will always be people like that, unfortunately.

Post # 50
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, I’ve stayed away from the Wainting boards for the most part because I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m touting the “relax, it’ll happen,” thing, so I have no idea really what goes on in them.

That said, I think you made a great post because, even without a board, it gets annoying when you hit your 30’s, all your good friends are married, you’re in a great relationship, and you just want to move to the next step, but can’t because there’s no engagement therefore no wedding and no next step. I understand that completely.

All McGroom’s (age 35) friends told me he would never settle down and I shouldn’t count on it, so it got me even farther down than I should’ve been. Granted, they were wrong, but still, it’s not a good feeling. Now, I feel like, since I am engaged, I’m not in the same place as you, my “bride brain” gets in my way, and don’t want to say something insensitive or stupid.

So maybe this doesn’t make the kind of sense I want it to. I just wanted to say that, no matter what anyone says, I think it’s a great post and understand where you’re coming from.

P.S. If I find a magic wand, I’ll make sure to tell you where the Hell it’s hiding.

Post # 51
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Ok first of all seriously AMEN! I agree wholeheartedly that the ladies who tell you to just enjoy it and everything will be fluffy bunnies and rainbows should probably just choose this time to use her self control and not comment. But hey people do and there is nothing you can do about it, so I try not to get too worked up.

Second of all if @Lezlers wants to rant so be it. Why is everyone else allowed to vent their frustrations but this girl vents hers and now she’s the bad guy? This is where weddingbee being too nice comes into play. She said how she felt and now apparently she is being too harsh. She didn’t call anyone out or name names she said her frustrations, specified what she meant and wasn’t rude or In My Humble Opinion too harsh. Seriously, why is this even an issue?

Ok Rant over.

Post # 52
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was a waiting bee for several months and the waiting boards were my lifeline! While I loved Weddingbee during planning and I still love it now, that was the time when Weddingbee was the most important to me, because I felt like I couldn’t talk about it with friends and family, and even though I did talk about it with my now-DH, I tried to not bug him, so Weddingbee was a great outlet.

Now that I’ve been “graduated” for close to a year now, it makes me really sad to see this post and the comments here for two reasons.

One, I really appreciated and relied on the support of members who had been waiting and gotten engaged. It gave me hope and valuable insight. Even if the insight was, “chill out, it WILL happen”, and it was a little frustrating to hear, you know what? I did need to chill out!

Secondly, it makes me sad that I don’t feel welcome on the waiting board anymore. I basically stopped posting there completely once I got engaged. That’s unfortunate, because I feel like “once a waiting bee, always a waiting bee” — you will never forget how hard that was and you will always understand what others are going through when they are waiting. While I would love to offer my support and advice, I feel like it will just be seen as a “smug engaged/married” comment and fall on deaf ears, so I have not participated on waiting threads in order to not intrude. But I honestly don’t think that’s fair. No one has ever made me feel like I was intruding on other board that didn’t necessarily apply to me – for example, the babies board. I wish there was less defensiveness on the waiting board these days.

Post # 54
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@lezlers: “‘fluffy bunny’ force” Love it!

Post # 55
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Very well said, danadelphia.

Post # 56
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think everyone who post on a public forum (weddingbee or otherwise) should realize they will get diverse responses/comments (yes, even unkind ones)!  If I was a waiting bee, an assurance from strangers of “just wait, the proposal will happen when you least expect it” is pretty cool.  It meant that somewhere out there, someone read my post and cared to stop by!  I think that is much better than posting and being ignored.  Yes it would sucked if someone were to say “get a life..” but that’s an honest response! ..i know my bff would have told me to get real and stop wasting my time obsessing. That’s a response from someone who really doesn’t sugarcoat reality.  Also, responses are relative..compared to someone waiting for some type of transplant to survive, waiting for a proposal seems silly (hopefully that’s not the case, but you just never know). Sometimes people are genuinely mean, but who cares…it just means their lives are sad and they’re just trying to validate their existence. 

In all seriousness, I’m faulted for being brutally honest (not malicious) and I do try to take into consideration my response.  In most of my responses, I suggest being honest with yourself and the people involved to save you a lot of stress and heartache that come with second guessing.  If you’re at the “waiting” point, you should be able to have an honest heart to heart conversation with your SO about the future.  If you can’t be straight forward, you probably shouldn’t play the waiting game.        

Post # 57
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

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@lezlers: Litteral LOL at “fluffy bunny” force. Gotta love it.

Post # 58
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

AMEN SISTA!

Post # 59
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

The waiting boards can be a hard place to be for some bees, myself included. I think I’d just say, be mindful of what you say to one another. Emotions can run high on all the boards but especially on the waiting board. Although a married or engaged bee may mean the best, it may not come off that way. We should all be mindful that the person on the other side needs neither a lecture nor belittling in any way. Be supportive, that’s why we’re here!

Post # 60
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I felt the same way sometimes when I wasn’t engaged and my friends were all getting engaged/married. It does suck waiting. i hated it.

No one’s trying to demean you or rub their status in. I really believe most people are helpful…and you are posting on a public forum, so don’t be surprised when people offer advice and try to comfort you.

Post # 61
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you’re right in noticing that perhaps engaged/married bees have forgotten what it felt like to wait.  I guess I was waiting…for a long time…but I never really considered myself “in waiting” in anticipation of it.  I knew it was going to happen, but at the same time I was secure enough in our relationship to not really fret over when. We were pregnant when we got engaged, that seemed to be the thing that finally lit a fire under FH’s butt 🙂 But we had already been living together for 4 years so I didn’t see him going anywhere.

I guess what I’m saying is…when you’re waiting for a proposal imagining in your head how fantastic it’s going to be and how he’s going to do it and what the ring will look like, it’s easy to fixate on it and get anxious.  But after that big moment that’s been building for so long finally happens, the novelty wears off and it seems like no big deal anymore.  You move on to the stresses of planning a wedding and everything else and I can see how some insensitive women could easily dismiss the feelings of those who are waiting, or forget what it felt like for them.

Not that that makes it any better, we should all be empathetic and supportive of eachother. I’m just saying I don’t think (well I hope) anybody is going out of their way to put you down because you don’t have a ring on your finger yet.  Good luck!

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