(Closed) Knock-knock! Bad jokes…

posted 8 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 48
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Knock knock. Who’s there? Centipede. Centipede who?  Santa-peed on the Christmas tree!!

That one gets me and my bff rolling every time, we don’t even have to finish the joke, just get to the Centipede part haha.

Post # 49
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Hahah I love these!! Fiance always gives me courtesy laughs because I am the queen of bad jokes…but I love them!!

My favorite was said by a PP (what did the fish say when he ran into a concrete wall? Dam)

Here’s another–

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

 

Because he was outstanding in his field!!

Post # 50
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ShellVee: I paused a few minutes after the skeleton one and then started laughing like crazy. Soo good.

 

What did a green grape say to a purple grape?

 

BREATHE!

Post # 51
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Minutiae: OH my gosh, that pirate joke is totally going in my bad joke repertoire. 

Post # 52
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Here’s one that always gets a chuckle 🙂

A blonde walked up to me, thrust her phone out and said “Excuse me, do you know what ‘IDK’ means?”

I responded “I don’t know.”

She let out an exasperated sigh, and said “Oh my God, NOBODY does!!!”

Post # 53
Bee
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

hahah I love this thread and I’m going to check back every day for a new batch so keep ’em coming!

Post # 54
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think the second guy would have seen it.

A three legged dog walks into a bar. He says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

 

A vulture boards a plane with two dead raccoons. The flight attendant stops him and says, “Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger.”

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

***DISCLAIMER: The following joke is in extremely poor taste. Read at your own risk, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.***

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Little Boy Blue.

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson.

 

Post # 55
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What is brown and sticky?

—a stick

 

what big black and eats rocks?

—-a big black rock eater…

 

Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?

—cause he didnt have any guts

 

 

Post # 56
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Daisy

Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin, dey hatin…

…I thought it was funny Smile

Post # 57
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Mrs.tobe:  I’m happy someone else laughed! Thank you.

Post # 58
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

What do you call an African American that flies a plane?

 

 

 

 

 

A pilot, you freakin’ racist!

(Heard it on The O.C. and died laughing. Please don’t flag me.)

Post # 59
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee

my mom tells this one every year – 

why couldn’t the skeleton get the witch pregnant?

because he has a hallow weiny (halloweeny)

bahaa

Post # 60
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee

@ShellVee: omg! i haven’t heard this one in forever! it still cracks me up. i’ll be giggling until I go to bed.

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