Post # 1
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
I’m in a bit of an odd situation – in that my head says – hey, you’re going to be 32 real soon and probably 33 by the time you’re married, so you probably should be thinking about it. I know all the statistics. But I don’t feel that baby clock. Not one iota. I get really excited about my business or travelling or doing crazy things and it’s not that I even have to get these things out of my system – I’ve done lots of travelling, this is my second business, have had lots of life experiences (both of the good and bad kind).
I always liked the idea of having family, I really enjoy my friends’ kids and have always been very “motherly” but even now I still do imagine it’s something I’ll want in the distant future (like 10 years from now). Any other bees feel the same? Or maybe I’m just scared my life will change too much with children?
Post # 3
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
@MissMeowMeow: I have no advice but am curious myself. I’m only 27, but I’ve never felt the urge to have a baby.
Post # 4
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
@mckernae: Thanks for the support! Yeah, it’s the strangest thing – waiting for the feeling to hit and knowing rationally that I *really should be getting this feeling thing going now*. I’m not one of those that never wanted kids. I always saw kids in my future. So it’s extra confusing to me why I can’t see them right now. All my friends have kids. Some even cry over baby pictures. I just don’t feel anything. Nada 🙁 :(. For other people – was it just overnight? Or gradually became more interested in kids?
Post # 5
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
Yeah. I’m 30, kids feel about 10 years away if at all.
Wtf is up with that?
Post # 6
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
I guess it’s not so much confusing as worrisome trying to time the baby clock/life with your biological clock, lol. More than anything I probably just need to relax and go with things as they come 🙂
Post # 7
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
You can always adopt! The biological clock isn’t everything.
Post # 8
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
@MissMeowMeow: I dont think it is odd at all as I feel the same way, but I am already 36 and have never ever felt the need or desire to be a mother, well maybe once or twice after a few drinks (lol, the perfect time, not), but in the light of day not at all. My Fiance (a year older) feels the same way. He is adament though that if we have one we have at least 2 as he doesnt want an only child. As it stands we have plenty of reasons not to have them, we have nephews & neices, we love to travel, both self employed in our own business, we love to sleep in & watch movies late lol. I also have endo (so maybe cannot have them anyway) and am anemic so have very low energy. So I am not sure if I would be able to cope that way. I dont want to get to that stage of life if I regret not having them, I think if I had them I wouldnt regret it but I dont feel ready. I didnt have a great childhood which may have caused me to suppress (if I did have any) feelings of wanting to become a mother but it has never been a priority.
Also, I have no desire to pick up strangers babies, or gush to people about babies, in fact I get slightly irritated that many people who do have them can then only talk about teething and their kids bowel movements, & also find myself getting irked by noisy or naughty children when out in cafes lol. But I keep that to myself 😀
Post # 9
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
I am 34, and have only in the last year come to the realisation that I do not want children.
I never had the biological clock ticking, and when I started to really think about my life I realised I do not see children in it. Hubby feels the same way, fortunately!
There is nothing wrong with waiting. Heck, even if you decide you want kids in your 40’s and cannot bear your own there is still adoption and fostering.
Post # 10
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
I don’t feel the biological clock (I’m in my twenties) but my mother was 37 when I was born and had absolutely no trouble conceiving naturally. At 39 she had my brothers, again no trouble conceiving (they’re fraternal twins). A family friend conceived naturally at 46.
If you worry that you may in the future want your own children then there are a few things you can do. Firstly, see your doctor. He/she can tell you how you’re doing fertility-wise as our fertility dips/decreases at different rates. You may have plenty more fertile years and he/she can set your mind at rest. I, however, have very mild PCOS on one side, it shouldn’t cause a problem but my doctor recommends not waiting until my mid-thirties. If you also have low fertility, or potential trouble conceiving (for whatever reason) then you can have you eggs harvested and frozen. I know it’s not ideal and it does depend on how you feel morally about it but this gives you the option later in life. If you do decide in 10 years you want kids, but you can’t, then you have your eggs as a backup. I don’t know how much this will cost or if insurance will cover it.
I guess my advice is don’t rush into having kids, but don’t regret not having them either.
ETA I know your post was about not feeling maternal, but I just wanted to throw out options “just in case” you do at some point. 🙂
Post # 11
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
I’m the same age as you (soon to be 32) and don’t feel the ticking either.. I just got married a few months ago and I still want a few years alone with my husband before I even think about it.
Post # 12
Member
8729 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@traveller: @MrsOliveBird: Im with you guys 🙂
@MissMeowMeow: Something every women needs to work out in terms of having children is if you really want them or if you think it is what society expects of you. Some women convince themselves that it is really what they want when in reality they are just responding to societal influences.
If you really do want children then don’t fret that your clock hasn;t started ticking. I look at it like marriage- you don’t want to rush it and you only do it when it is the right to for you.
Post # 13
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
I have no biological clock too, but the difference is I know I definitely don’t want kids.
And I agree with j_jaye, maybe you don’t want kids?
Post # 14
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
Awww, thanks ladies! Such lovely advice :). I feel much better. I think it’s when we reach that decision point in our lives and at some point (for me, in the next say 5-6 years), we need to either push the go or no go button. But still got a bit of time! It’s such a “final” decision we have to make, isn’t it? That is – if we even remotely want to consider biological children?
Post # 15
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
@Mrs.SleepyKitty: @j_jaye:
Maybe I don’t really! I think it’s more fear that I’ll screw them up though. Like some of you that posted, I didn’t have the greatest childhood (severe abuse, etc.) and while I’ve tried to move on in every way and have an amazing relationship now (after spending years putting up with abusive ones), it might still live in my subconcious. Want kids, but scared to screw them up.
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