(Closed) Know I should be thinking about kids, but no ticking clock… :S

posted 8 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 17
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Never had any inclination….welcome to the sisterhood of well rested, less stressed women!  It’s a wonderful life!

Post # 18
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

Well, if you are sure that you want kids, I wouldn’t wait too long.  When I mentioned the thought to my gyno at my recent check-up, she told me if I wanted them to not delay too long.  She basically told me to hurry up! lol I’m 34 btw.  And since you appear to have done some reading, you know the facts of fertility.  Of course people conceive when they are older, but it isn’t always easy, we know the stats about the health of the offspring, and the facts about infertiity as we age.  We *see* the successful people.  We often *don’t see* the people unsuccessful at conceiving because no one talks about it.  That doesn’t mean they are not there.  I’m not trying to scare you (and I don’t want to be scared myself!), but just throwing in another view in a sea of “oh, you have plenty of time!”s

How many kids do you want and when would you have them?

If we lived to 120 years old and were in perfect fertile health until 50 and didn’t go through menopause until 70, I would also happily wait another 10 years.  But I don’t think I have that luxury and the risks aren’t worth it to me.

Post # 19
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In a weird way I do and don’t have the ticking clock. I don’t feel ready for kids. Financially I haven’t paid off my college debt, I don’t live in a big beautiful house (I live in a small one, bad neighborhood, needs repair), I don’t get to go on vacations (like a week, I go on tiny weekend ones), and I don’t feel like everything is in the right place to have children. I’m 29 and I’ll be 30 a few months after marriage.

However I know I want 2-3 kids. Emotionally and financially I’d like to give myself 10 more years to really be ready. But I don’t have that! I figured if all my Irish ancestors could have hoards of children during the potatoe faminie and the depression- well I’ll just figure it out the same way they did. Someone once told me that once you have kids you find the money- much the same way you find the time. So I’m going to throw myself into it and do it.

I don’t have the yearning to do it so much as the fear that the time will pass without me knowing. I think this is because I saw all my cousins get great jobs out of college, get big beautiful houses, and just be financially ready for kids. I had to drop out of college, work, go to college part time, buy a tiny house, go back to school full time, graduate DURING the recession, get 1 bad paying partpart-time job. Then get another, then manage both, then get a full time job with low pay, and FINALLY get a well paying full time job. And well you can see my life isn’t as straight of a path as everyone elses in my family. And it may never be where I want it to be financially. I have a GREAT Fiance and he’ll be a GREAT Dad and husband- and heck there are plenty of kids that don’t- so in some ways my kids will be richer.

Also OP you will be a good mom because you are already worried about NOT being a great mom! That means you are going to define good mom and bad mom habits and then really work to make sure you are a good mom! You don’t have to be perfect and you are going to have your bad days, but the fact that you are willing to grow as a person means you will teach your kids good judgement and accountability!  And those will be tools your kids can use to grow into wonderful responsible adults 🙂

Post # 20
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

My clock has been ticking loudly (about to turn 31) but I still feel a little hesitant about having kids. I know we ultimately want them, so I’m going through the motions with my doctor to address any fertility issues, but I still get kind of a scared feeling when I think about it.

It’s a different journey for everyone so don’t feel bad if you don’t hear the clock yet! Maybe you’ll suddenly wake up one day and it will bet here. At least you’ll be rolling in dough when it does instead of scraping to get by like me lol!

Post # 21
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

im 29 and i dont feel ready for kids. my fi is uber broody though, he turns into mush at his friends babies whereas i look, say theyre cute and am ready to change the subject. ive always imagined having them…but not right now

so for me, its not the age that makes me feel pressured but the obvious yearning my fi has for babies asap

Post # 22
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Hey, if it doesn’t start ticking, it doesn’t start ticking!  No big thing.  You still have lots of time and lots of options.  No rush.  🙂

Post # 23
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think this is a little different for each person. I began having dreams about babies and had a deep, unexplainable yearning to have children starting when I was about 22 (27 now). My sister says she has always imagined that she would have children, but currently has no urge to have them and worries that maybe the feeling will never come. My mom and dad were married and child-free for 11 years before they became very attached to my mom’s neice and realized children might add something to their lives. I’m 100% certain I want children and I’m petrified about the ways children will change my lifestyle.

Post # 24
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well, I’m still in my twenties, but I’ve never, ever, ever wanted kids.

All of my friends “knew” from a very young age they were going to have children and whatnot, but I was like, ‘Meh.”

I will have some, I’m sure, but I’m definitely not in a rush. Maybe just 1. Kids aren’t really my bag, baby.

See what I did there?

Ha.

Post # 26
Member
6111 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MissMeowMeow:  You know I used to “wait” for the urge to hit me.  I had no desire to have kids, and I was trying to make plans based on what my 36 year old self WOULD think.  How the heck was I suposed to know what I wanted years from now? 

I guess I had all this outside influence telling me that my mind was going to change one day.  I was open to that possbilitiy. Never say never.

So here I am 36, getting married next week.  That whole worrisome stuff about kids is long gone.  I just don’t want them.  I doubt I’ll change my mind now at this age when I had the same view on kids my entire life.  Fiance and I are planning our life around NOT having kids (early retirement, etc). We did talk about what if one of us gets the urge and the other hasn’t.  Just all the options.

You just have to go with what you know right now and what you feel right now.  If there’s no urge rught now, try not to think about it.

 

Now I did have friends in their 40s who were like, “Ok well this is thelast year we can attempt this.  Do we go for it?”  And simply based on that they have 2 kids now.  Such a weird concept to me, to just utlize eggs because they are there at the moment.  Where’s the burning urge for a kid?

Post # 27
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m in my mid 30’s and kids are a “maybe in a few years” thing, when I bother to think about it.

Pretty sure that even if we never end up having kids, neither Mr. E or myself willl regret it, so it just doesn’t really seem to matter. (Like yourself, we travel, we both have passions and  interests that occupy us, so maybe that’s part of it. I feel like my life is already full to bursting with awesome.)

Post # 28
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

The best advice I ever got was to take the word “should” out of my vocabulary!

Post # 29
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m 29.5 and don’t see kids until about two years after we get married, so 32-33. I want more me time!

Post # 30
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m 32. We just got married. We both work full time. Our timeline for children keeps getting pushed back. Instead of being annoyed I am relieved. I also got my husband to agree to only one kid. I’m definitely dreading having a kid more than looking forward to it! I think it is because I know all the heavy lifting seems to get put on the wife – the pregnancy, getting fat, avoiding fun things (drinking and sports). Not to mention trying to take care of a kid when I already work full time and do a lot of the household chores. Also I dread the thought of the expense and losing sleep and free time. I just don’t think I’m ready yet. Maybe next year 😉

Post # 31
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m also in my thirties and can straight up tell you I’ve NEVER had the urge nor have I ever really liked or gravitated towards children in general! I went to Catholic school my whole life and I remember being in 7th grade and the nuns were looking for girls in our class to volunteer to monitor the 1st and 2nd graders. When no one raised their hand, Sr. Mary (of course) looked right at me and said “DENISE, YOU SHOULD MONITOR” and I said “I don’t want to be a monitor” and she asked why, of course and I said “I don’t like children”– the nun laughed at me and said “that will change!” uhm, except it never did! Kids don’t make me excited, I don’t get emotional from holding a baby. I like my lifestyle, going on vacation, I love my job– I do a juggling act to currently get it ALL in. Honestly, I can’t imagine adding a baby into that mix. No THANKS. So don’t feel so bad, you are not alone and it’s completey FOYNE! ; )

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