Post # 1
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been friends since the 7th grade. I have come to feel it’s time to let go. I love her to death but we are in different stages of our lives. We have grown apart the past couple of years. It honestly feels like a long term break up or divorce. ): I know it’s not THAT serious but it still really hurts.
Has anyone gone through this? Did you guys fix things down the road?
Post # 3
@figgnewton: Actually, it is that serious. Breakups hurt, no matter the person or the relationship. Especially when it’s someone you’ve loved and been close to for so long.
I had a silent falling out with my best friend of over ten years a couple of years ago. She moved to NYC (we’re from Phoenix) and she got busy and we lost touch. It happens. We emailed when we could, but that was all. Then we reconnected and were very close again for about a year and a half, and then she disappeared on me. Just…stopped returning my emails and letters. So I gave up. Every so often, something would remind me of her, so I’d email her a picture of it, but there was never any response. Then, last month, I emailed her that my stepson’s principal (elementary school) is our high school newspaper advisor with whom we were very close. She emailed back and we sent a few long emails catching up, but now it’s been a couple of weeks again with no response. But it doesn’t really hurt anymore. She’s a teacher. She’s part of a group of teachings bulding the foundations of a new school. She’s finally at home in NYC. I get it. I’m okay if it takes months to hear back. Or never. We’ve movd on.
But when it first happened — and then happened again — I was crushed. Our friendship had often felt one-sided and a matter of convenience from her, but we also connected in a way that I hadn’t with other friends, so it was really hard to say goodbye to that.
Post # 4
@figgnewton: I’m so sorry, this JUST happened to me with a woman I have known for 29 years…we grew up together, went to school together, she introduced me to my husband, we were really close. Things started to change, SHE started to change…or maybe I did, either way, we outgrew each other and there was a night, we went to dinner together, at our favorite spot and it was a place that we always had a ball at….it was awful, when I got home I felt bad about who I was, how I did things and the way I lived my life, just from spending a hour with her….I tried to fix things, tried to change who I was, tried ignoring it and after that night, finally decided that I was done with it.
I can always look back on what we were to each other and feel good, I have to go my way and she needs to go hers, maybe our paths will cross again, but I don’t care either way, because our friendship is neither of our fault…it’s just over.
Post # 5
@figgnewton: BFF have been friends since 10th grade (we are now 42). Our friendship has gone through some ups and downs and times when we were closer than others. Early 20’s we werent as close. But our late 20’s super close again (talking 2-3 times a day), then in starting in our 30’s we talk 2-3 times a week, but sometimes go a week or two without taling depending on how busy we are. Unless there are major issues like she is putting you down or making snarky rmarks, I would just let things ride and see where it goes.
Post # 6
@figgnewton: I have broken up with a best friend before. It wasn’t because we grew apart, though. I feel like those friends that I just grew apart from were easier. We eventually stopped talking.
I did have a friend that I “divorced” because she was mean and horrible to me. It took a long time to end it. I think I put up with WAY more from her than I would from a romantic relationship because it’s weird to think about “breaking up with” you friend. It was really emotional for me. I even went into therapy (mostly because it brought up a lot of other stuff, too). Anyway, it sucked but I’m happier for it now for sure.
Post # 7
@ellisrobertson: Yes, this friend only calls at her convenience. She has another girl she hangs out with and if they are mad at eachother, boom I get a call to hang out. They are on great terms right now so I rarely hear from her.
@Nona99: Thanks for your words! You are so wise! I don’t want to get to the point of resentment so I thought walking away now would be the best for both of us.
Post # 8
@KoiKove: I’m going to close contact with her for a while. There are things I can’t post on here but it’s just one of those one sided relationships.
@MexiPino: I feel ya on the putting in more effort with my BFF then in a romantic relationship. lol
Post # 9
I have been through more friends than I care to think about. True friendships will be around until the day you die. Everyone has things going on in their lives. That shouldn’t be the reason you two go your separate ways.
Post # 10
I seem to lose friends when there’s a lot of physical distance between us. I’m not the kind of person that likes to maintain relationships through the Internet; I need facetime to bond, and it really hurts when phone conversations and plans to travel to meet up become more and more rare. It just…sucks.
My mom was always the opposite, and it amazed me how she has always been able to maintain friendships with women all over the country.
Post # 11
I’ve wondered about this too for some time. When do you know it’s time to let go? What if you want to let go but the other person doesn’t? Is ending a frienship the same as letting it silently die? The same as only talking once every couple of months? Does it require an official break-up?
So sorry you are going through this!
Post # 12
sorry that you’re going through this!
I actually posted something similar to this with my very first post on here. Same as you me and my BFF has been besties since 7th grade and within the last couple of years we have just grown apart. I’m not sure if it’s because our lives were going in two different directions. I think it was just mainly because for a long time I knew what kind of person she was but I would just always let it slide because she was my best friend. And this was also a friend that I was considering having in my wedding – I never asked her but we always said we would be in each others wedding and now I’m considering not even have her be apart of it and just a guest.
We barely talk these days and when we do actually hang out it’s very awkward because I have nothing to talk to her about. She’s the kind of person who will tell your business to all her other friends so I stopped talking about my business to her. I haven’t completely let it go when she wants to hang out I’ll come around if I feel like it but I just slowly stepped away and hang around much less. I have definitely tried to spend one on one time with her but it’s just not the same as it used to be when we would just tell each other everything and anything. Every time I do try to hang out one on one she always invites someone else along and then I end up feeling left out because they both just sit there and talk about work since they work at the same place so that right there kind of tells me something because she never used to do that before so now I’m all about giving my time to people who show me that I am just as important to them as they are to me.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
It sucks so hard to lose a friend, but sometimes it just gets to be too much effort and not a great friendship.
My best friend from high school and I have drifted apart, to the point where we’re awkwardly trying to avoid each other but not seem cold. I’ve basically let her go, though. Right after I started dating my Fiance, it got weird with her (she’s single, and seems to not have had much luck in the dating department, but it wasn’t like I was bragging to her that I had a boyfriend. I still hung out with her alone and stuff, but really wanted her and my Fiance to get along too!). She and another friend and I would send emails during work hours just to chat between our various jobs, and our other friend (my MOH!) and I would ask questions, and be genuinely interested in stuff, but she would sometimes respond by saying she had no questions or would tell us about how she was inviting friends over that night… we lived in the same city, but she would invite all these other people (who we also knew and liked) to hang out. It just got to be a slap in the face. I broke off most contact then, but we did hang out after that for a housewarming, and it was awkward and we all had revertigo and went back to high school. After that, hardly any contact, except a congrats text from her when I got engaged, but now I mostly stalk her on facebook.
It hurts a little that she kind of wasn’t interested in my friendship after we were so crazy close for like, 7 years. But now we’re totally at different place in life, and it just isn’t worth it. And I feel a little bad, but I’m not inviting her to the wedding at all. I keep the wedding talk on facebook to a bare minimum because I don’t want her to see it (specifically her, isn’t that awful?).
Post # 14
I only have one best friend I’ve known for 10 years. She lives in California and we are in totally different time zones, so talking is hard. Sometimes we go a month without talking, but when we do its never odd or distant.
Post # 15
@figgnewton: I did. It doesn’t sound like an identical scenario, but she is a wonderful person and I wish her well. However, there were so many factors that made her nothing but a negative influence on my life. Best of luck to you. Details of my personal situation here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/toxic-friend-wants-to-be-a-bridesmaid-long-but-please-read-i-need-help#axzz2Qr74rbye
TO CLARIFY: I mention being engaged to my Fiance in this above post, but I am still a waiting bee. The above thread was my first time on weddingbee and i didn’t realize it was kosher to be here if you weren’t engaged.
Post # 16
Thanks ladies for your replys! It means a ton. I am just going to quit contacting her and trying to make this friendship last. I have my Darling Husband and my DD’s for “friends”. I was trying to hold on to something that wasn’t meant to last. I’m beginning to be okay with it. I have my moments where I cry and scream but time heals. I love her and will do anything for her. For me though it’s time to move on with my life and stop trying to be a part of hers.