- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
(Background story: The Beginning)
shkragoldfish has asked me to post a follow-up story about my wedding and ILs, so I decided to post a short update. I hope this helps out with anyone who is going through something similar.
In short summary, the wedding happened and went by without having anyone pulling anyone’s hair out. But it did not give any closure or mending in anyone’s relationship either. Dispite this little hiccup and last minute fuming, DH and I managed to keep calm and managed to get up at 4:30AM (!!) to head to the hair & makeup artist with MOH. H&M turned out to be beautiful, and we made to the venue on time. My parents with few relatives arrived at the venue around the same time, and we all got ready together. DH and I took our first look and formal portraits before the ceremony as planned, and guests were starting to trickle in for our 11:30AM ceremony. Then we started to get nervous because ILs (and SIL and her fiance) were nowhere to be seen – and it was 11:15AM. DH decided to call his sister on my phone and it turned out that their car broke down on the way to the venue and they were taking a cab after towing the car. We asked the guests to stay put and apologized for the delay. ILs came around 11:30AM and got ready – the ceremony ended up starting around 11:45-50AM. We took family/friend portraits after the ceremony, then cocktail hour rolled by (DH and I rested a bit in the bridal suite), then reception. Event-wise, everything rolled by pretty smoothly without any major issues.
The only thing that I was take aback by during that day, was the fact that 1. ILs were poorly dressed (MIL wearing black jacket with black pants, FIL wearing shirt and sweater inside is suit without a tie, SIL wearing slacks that looked like something you’d wear to gym), 2. MIL was glaring at us through the entire ceremony, 3. MIL talked to me/treated me as if I’m a stranger (not someone marrying her son). But quite honestly, I was just relieved that they came and that DH looked so happy and relieved that his family came. Unfortunately, because ILs had to sit with my parents (they didn’t invite anyone and so my parents decided to sit with them so they won’t have a table of four among many tables of eight or ten), I did not get to spend much time with my own parents. DH and I were simply trying our best to stay away from the parents’ table to 1. give them space (it was their first time meeting each other) and 2. to give ourselves some space.
After the wedding, we left right away for our honeymoon – so it wasn’t until after we came back from our 8-day honeymoon cruise that we heard all the background stories from my parents about what happened during the wedding. Basically, while we were taking a break in the bridal suite during the cocktail hour, MIL went around telling all the guests (basically my relatives and DH’s friends) that DH is a horrible, worthless son. And then the ILs spent the entire reception telling my parents what they have been telling us over the few years, such as how their son has changed for the worse after meeting me, how they thought I was pregnant when we decided to get married, how DH is a terrible son, how they have disowned DH and that he is no longer their son, etc etc etc – the whole nine yards, for the whole 5-6 hours of reception. My parents were exhausted, horrified, insulted, aggravated, and so much more by the ILs’ behavior and attitude. There isn’t a single good picture of my mother during the reception because she looks so drained and upset. My father was apparently trying his best to keep his cool and not raise his voice during the reception for our sake. My parents basically sat us down when we came back from the honeymoon and told us that if they had met the ILs before the wedding, they would’ve tried to break up the engagement with all their might. My parents then told us that in many ways, we made the right choice by not letting the parents meet each other (because if they had met, we couldn’tve gotten married and my parents would’ve had the wrong assumption/understanding of DH), and that they trust whatever decision we make regarding how to interact/deal with the ILs from now on. They declared that they will not interfer in any way regarding any matters with the ILs.
Funny thing is, according to DH, apparently MIL gave him a hug before leaving and told him that she’d like to “start over”. I was rather very disturbed. They basically went to their son’s wedding, shamed their own son in front of their in-laws and in-laws’ relatives, recomfirmed (for the god knows how many times) to their in-laws that their son has been disowned – and then ask their son to “start over”?
I told DH that I cannot follow their logic, if there is any, and that I would go insane trying to match their level of sanity. DH agreed. He still does not communicate or interact with his family to this date. We received an email back in January from FIL asking what we were going to do for MIL’s first birthday after we got married – whether we are going to eat out together or not. I told DH that I do not have the heart or desire to have a meal with his family, especially since such short amount of time has passed since the wedding, but if he wants to have a dinner outing with his family, by all means, he could and should. DH did not want to see his family so he mailed his mother a birthday card as usual.
Recently, we sent the ILs by mail a copy of the parents’ wedding album that I made along with few souveniors from our honeymoon and prints of some of the wedding photos (such as group photos and family portraits). We basically have been and will continue to try our best to send them whatever we have been giving my parents – whether it be a card or a small gift for holidays or birthdays – because we still would like to let them know that we remember them as DH’s parents. They just do not get our time or interaction as my parents do, because the ILs and we cannot interact without hurting each other or remaining sane.
DH and I are very happy. We love each other and we are fully enjoying our marriage thus far. We are just glad that the wedding came and went, without any major drama. I’m just glad that I don’t have to feel a rock sitting on my mind, wondering whether the ILs will come, whether they will throw a tantrum, etc. We still hope that the ILs will come around someday and see at least just a bit from our point of view – but we do not have any anticipation of it happening any time soon, if ever.
For now, things have calmed down a bit – we don’t receive any vulgar hateful email or violent phonecalls/voicemails. And we hope it remains that way for a long long time.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Mrs. Mouse.