- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2016
I’m 10 months from my wedding and my fiancee’s family and mine hasn’t met yet. This is partly because my parents were not that happy with the fact that I was marrying out of my own race (I’m Chinese Canadian), and my fiancee’s parents can’t really speak english well.
Out of respect for both sides of our parents, we are planning on doing the Chinese tea ceremony and pyebaek, Korean tea ceremony, on the day of the wedding. We have, however, not been able to figure out how we should handle the ‘dowry’ or gift giving between the two families.
The chinese gift list is relatively easy to find online but I haven’t been able to find the korean one. I understand there are several different gift categories involved, but I believe we’re only interested in the food gifts.
For reference, both sides of the family at this point hasn’t mentioned that they will help us with our wedding. We have been engaged for more than 13 months now, but I believe this is because my parents are thinking that traditionally the groom pays for the wedding and all expenses involved. It doesn’t help that my brother actually paid for the entire 30k wedding for his now wife and himself without my parents helping him with anything and also putting a 20% downpayment on a place.
We already expressed that we will be paying for this wedding equally, but in reality the financial burden has been more greatly dealt with by me. I make a little bit more than my fiancee and I have a lot less expenses than he does so that is why I contribute more. But because we haven’t been able to completely come clean with my parents about how the wedding is going to be paid, the dowry has been an extra stress on my fiancee and I. It’s been hard already to deal with the two families in regards to the racial differences, and it’s even harder on us emotionally when others don’t understand why I’m making such a big deal about the dowry that my parents see as a gift only from the groom to the bridal side. My fiancee’s parents, however, believe it should be equal and that they should be receiving gifts as well. My parents, however, see it traditionally should be receiving gifts as the bridal parents and then returning half as a gesture of good relations. It’s hard to mention to them that there needs to be gift giving on the bridal side to the groom side as well.
So that’s why we’re trying to find out what gifts the bridal side is supposed to give to the groom side in terms of food gifts. Please help!!