Post # 1
My husband and I are expecting our first in November. We are both beside ourselves with excitement however my lovely Darling Husband is really nervous about L&D, like insisits he’s going to pass out nervous. He’s not prepared at all for what to expect and although this is my first as well I’ve read enough that I have a general idea of how messy, scary, bloody, etc, things can get. I don’t want to scare him (ok maybe a little ) but I do want him to be prepared, especially with how messy things can get. What are some tips that you all that have been there would give to him? I wanted to get him a book but he admitted he proably wouldn’t read it.
Post # 2
he doesn’t have to be at the “receiving” end if he doesn’t want to be. my husband was at my head the whole time. i think he helped hold my leg at one point.
every labor is so different. i would just say to support you in everyway possible and help make you the most comfortable.
do you have a doula? are you going natural? do you want to be in bed or try different labor positions?
Post # 3
mrsbays913 : Take a birth class! Learning about labor and delivery is the best thing both of you can do, IMO. Most people’s impressions of birth come from movies, after all. Learning about the stages and what to expect, also how to be a good birth coach, is invaluable. My husband supported me through two unmedicated deliveries (the second was a water birth) and he was amazing. We took two birth classes before our first baby and talked through all kinds of things on our own after the classes and we both went in very prepared (well, as prepared as you can be for such a huge unknown!). Congrats on your pregnancy!
Post # 4
There is a great book I got for my husband, The Caveman’s Guide to Birth, I think or something like that. It was funny and my Darling Husband read it. I also had a doula, and her role is to support both of you.
But I would not worry about the mess of it really. His role is to suport you and that should not be that hard for him. And what you think you may like or need could very quickly change. For example I thought I would love being in water, I hated it. I thought I would love hold hands or being touched, I didn’t. In the moment, you needs will be very specific and you will likely be very clear about them. Often my Darling Husband was silent and just waiting for me to say what I needed or wanted.
The biggest help was getting me drinks and keeping my hair off my face. I found my hair touching me to be sensory overload. And he knew my wishes to speak on my behalf to the nurses and midwife, so that I did not have to wprry about any of that. That was his main role. To be my voice when I couldn’t. And when it was time to push, I did want his hand.
Post # 5
ajillity81 : Oh I’m 100% comfortable with whereever he wants to be, as long as it’s with me, haha. I don’t need him to catch the baby I just want him to know that it’s not going to be a walk in the park. His response was “Well I’ve seen movies.” Poor guy. No doula. Planning on natural, open to epidural, and I honestly haven’t considered other labor positions. I figured with that I’ll figure out what feels comfortable and right in the moment.
Post # 6
MrsAKSkier : Definitely planning on a class. I think that is what will benefit us most.
jcent : I honestly think I’m more worried about the mess maybe? I’m kind of freaking out he’s going to run out of the room and never want to see me again. COMPLETELY irrational I know. And he’s such a supportive husband but I can’t say I’m not incredibly nervous about the delivery. I do know that I’m going to be really upset/disappointed if he doesn’t handle it well. I’m rambling. LOL
Post # 7
If you wanting to go natural, I’d strongly recommend a doula. They are wonderful. I had one with my second child. Planned to have one with my first, but went into labor early, she wasn’t able to make it. They help support you (and your husband). They will help you have the labor & delivery you want to have.
Post # 8
What kind of birth do you want? It sounds from what you’ve said ‘active birth’ classes may help you both
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
My husband was asked to help hold my legs, he saw the crowning at one point but that’s it, he told me he didn’t even see any blood or mess or anything and I was bleeding so much I had to be given medication to stop it. I wouldn’t worry about it honestly, I think the hardest part for Darling Husband was just seeing me in pain and not being able to help. He seemed nervous the whole time but it really wasn’t gross or anything.
Post # 10
mrsbays913 : It does not get messy until the end really. And at that point, there is a lot going on, no one is even thinking about that. Like a bit of blood is going to be the absolute last thing on his mind or yours. Most of the blood comes after the baby is out, and at that point, no one is looking at your crotch but the midwife or dr.
Post # 11
You guys are awesome!! Thank you. 🙂
Post # 12
You mentioned that he said he has “seen movies.” Is this implying like movies on the big screen with actors/actresses? Because there are a lot of real life home videos out there that he can watch before hand on Youtube and/or videos to get an actual real life idea on what to expect. It may either help or scare him even more hahaha.
Post # 13
I adored my doula, and my husband was really glad she was there too. She was so helpful for both of us! I think taking a class is definitely a good idea, just to give him a better idea of what labor is really like (aka not like the movies!). That might be a good way to go if he doesn’t want to read a book, because he gets to participate and be a bit more active in a class.
Post # 14
I am really glad to see others recommend a doula. I would strongly recommend one!! After my (very difficult/complicated) birth one of the first things my husband said to me was how he couldn’t imagine why anyone would deliver without a doula. Not only will a doula care for you and provide physical and emotional support for you, but for your husband as well.
She will help explain things to him, run errands for him (getting something for him to drink, etc), tell him when a good time to rest/eat/get fresh air is, help him care for you, etc. When things got scary and I zoned out to focus on staying calm and getting ready for delivery, she helped my husband answer my midwife’s questions, and explained to him what was going on too so he could remain calm. She helped my husband speak up, ask questions, and have a presence in the delivery room when there were suddenly 400 people in there, told him when he could go over to the warming table (our baby needed immediate resuscitation but my husband could be with the baby when I couldn’t be), and after the delivery when my husband suddenly got very faint due to how much emotion and physical exhaustion we had both gone through she made sure he sat down and got him ginger ale. Her support to him helped him be a good support to me.
Obviously my doula focused primarily on me, but I’m highlighting what she did for my husband here because I think it’s an important resource for all couples, especially if the birth partner has concerns/fears/trepidation (which pretty much all would- it’s a crazy process!)