- 5 years ago
This is only my second post here and while this is in no way a deal breaker in my relationship It is something that I feel I need to get different opinions on that aren’t from those I know. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and I am incredibly happy with him, we have discussed marriage and he says he sees us getting engaged within the next year and a half. We have an amazing time together, have everything in common and he has become my best friend. The lack of affection from his side was a huge issue in the beginning of the relationship and we have gotten into arguments about it in the past (mostly because when we were drinking I would bring it up and cry and get angry). He shows affection in other ways, he calls me every morning and calls me various times a day (we live 2 hours away so we only see each other on weekends) and he talks about the day we get married and how he would wants things to go but in terms of being physically and emotionally affectionate he is very lacking. He does not express often how he loves me or how happy he is to be with me, he does not cuddle or hug or kiss me often (I am usually the one to do this) and when I have brought it up he says that it just isnt the way he is, he is not one to show emotion too easily. Another thing that has become somewhat of an issue is how often I want to have sex and how he does not initiate too much. The only reason I get annoyed at this is because he has told me when we have talked about our past of how when he was single he had a crazy phase and would try to sleep around a lot. When i bring up how its possible for him to have had such a huge sex drive in the past and not now (he is 28) he says that when he was single he did not know when he would be getting it and therefore would always try. He says that now that he is in a relationship he does not feel the need to always need sex that our relationship is more than that. I can’t help but always think that it has something to do with me and that he is not as attracted to me as I am to him.
The reason I am writing to you ladies is that I have learned to accept that we have different ways of expressing our affection. I admit that I am needy at times and feel like I constantly need to be near him on the couch and he is not the same way but I just need to hear other opinions to hear if this is something I am honestly overreacting about and need to let go or if it is something I should be getting and should try to talk to him.
Thank you all for listening and sorry for the long post!