(Closed) Lack of Communication. Any ideas?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why does he hate weddings so much? Has he ever expressed this reason to you? Perhaps that is key. Then, do your best to keep wedding stuff to a minimum around him. Involve him when you absolutely must but at the same token, you shouldn’t fear talking wedding stuff with him.

Is there anything else ailing him? You mentioned finances…what else? Perhaps if you just discuss how you can help his burdens, that release will help him relax more, and in turn, help you as a couple.

Beyond that, put it on the positive. Instead of concentrating the conversation on how negatively things have turned, tell him that you were sad that the romance seemed to have ceased but that it really made a difference receiving the “I <3 u” email (I know, I know, but a little exaggeration never hurt, just say how it touched you so much.) Say that made you really happy. Tell him you hope to return to more of those types of gestures between each other, and that you’ll reciprocate that passion, too.

I wonder if a little playfulness on your part will help? Edit: I see you’re in an LDR. Hmm. When is the next time you can see each other? Maybe treat him to a romantic evening, like you used to share before? Hide yourselves from the rest of the world, put down the wedding magazines, and just have a sweet night together.

Post # 4
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

LDR are really, really hard, and I can’t imagine how hard planning a wedding while in one must be. When I noticed that my relationship with Fiance had changed when we talked about wedding planning nonstop. We were just always stressed out. We decided to bottle up all of our wedding planning talk for one night a week – that way we could concentrate on being ourselves without the burden of having to make all of these decisions and plans nonstop.

I would tell him that you need to have a long talk with him. Have a long phone call and just let him know everything, and that you’re stressed and frustrated. Let him know that you know wedding planning is a huge part of it, but you want to make sure that nothing else is going on. Then maybe suggest spending one night a week to quickly go over any wedding planning things that have to happen. Save up all of your thoughts and ideas and questions that are wedding related, write them all down, and then talk about them just once a week at a time you can both mentally prepare for.

Good luck!

Post # 6
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

My Fiance and I are also long distance. I think it’s natural for the conversation (texting, calling, etc) to die down a little bit with time. Love is different at the beginning. You swoon over each other and ignore other people completely. But then reality sets in, you still love them, but you just can’t stop everything to text/call/whatever. I was just talking to my Fiance about this. Every other week either he or I feels that we’re not getting enough time to talk. We just want to be in the same town already, geez! I don’t think taking a break will be a good thing. But, I think what you can say is… let’s make sure that Thursday we talk for at least an hour! The days in between we can text and call each other like it has been for the past few weeks… but I want one day for ourselves 🙂 That’s what my Fiance and I do when I get mad about the communication & quality time.

Post # 8
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have a question….aren’t you guys already married? I recall a previous post of yours about how you already had a wedding ceremony. Is the wedding planning you are talking about a reception?

Post # 9
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

How long have you been in the relationship?  (just curious, and not sure it matters)

I agree with the person who says to keep the wedding chat to a minimum.  If he hates it that much, then dont involve him if he doesn’t want to be, just tell him where to be and what to wear LOL… he will be there.

If this is totally out of the ordinary for him, there is probably something else going on.  Ask him if something is on his mind?  Or if there is anything he wants to talk about.  reassure him that you love him but let him know that the lack of communication is bothersome for you. 

You don’t have to say “your lack of responses” but you can say “our lack of communication is really bothering me, is there anything bothering you, can I help you with anything?”

just a thought:}  (i’ve been married going on 18 years, i’m planning my VR on our 20th anniversary and this is how I have to approach my husband… so I thought I would just share my own experience)

good luck! 

Post # 11
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@alaiyo: Thanks for the clarification! Maybe when you see him next have a “no wedding” date where you go out together and don’t talk about the wedding at all. Darling Husband and I did this when the planning got to be too much and we felt like that was all we were talking about!

Perhaps the pressure of planning the wedding reception and being in a long distance marriage are causing him to withdraw a bit? Just a thought! Or maybe he isn’t as into this wedding reception as you are because you guys are already married? Again, I don’t know him or you or your relationship so I’m just throwing things out there to consider. I think there is something else going on with him, so asking him what’s going on is a good first step. I’d talk with him and as another poster said, let him know that the lack of communication in the relationship is bothering you. That way he doesn’t feel it’s all about him and knows this is something you want to work on together.

If you haven’t already, I think pointing out the little things he does that mean so much to you is a GREAT idea! That way he knows what makes you happy and he can feel good about how much it means to you.

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