(Closed) lack of friends = uneven bridesmaids / groomsmen

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
644 posts
Busy bee

Do you have any female cousins or a favorite aunt or two who could stand with you on your wedding day?  Perhaps some junior bridesmaids (nieces/cousins)? 

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be unbalanced in terms of numbers, because everyone views friendship differently.  I’m frankly overwhelmed by photos where I see 8 or 9 bridesmaids.  I prefer to have a few very close friends, and the highest number of women I could think of who I would actually want to stand with me on my wedding day might be five.  Some people measure and value friendship differently than others, and that’s okay.  No one is judging you. 

Post # 4
Member
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Well, firstly, just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you get a bridal shower or a bachelorette. Those sorts of events are usually thrown because someone volunteered to throw them for you and not everyone has them (even people with 12 bridesmaids!)

As for the uneven sides, it’s all about quality vs quantity. You may only have three bridesmaids but I bet they are great friends right? It’s so much better to have three great bridesmaids than to have ten so-so bridesmaids who are only there because you asked them. And when you really think about it, three of your husbands groomsmen are “freebies” because they are related to him, but he actually only has 4 friends up there, only one more than what you have. So really, your playing field is actually not that different!

Post # 5
Member
13950 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Don’t try to add more people. The sides don’t have to be even and they shouldn’t be if the only reason is symmetry. People aren’t props. 

Other than that I would second everything 

View original reply
slomotion :  said. Showers and bachelorette parties are not an entitlement, and they are not even the obligation of the wedding party. Sometimes a friend of the family or a coworker will host. Showers were really only ever meant to be low key, intimate events featuring inexpensive, practical gifts. 

If you are feeling sad and hopeless about your wedding, I’d try to get some perspective and maybe think about the real purpose, which is to get married to the person you love.  The rest is unnecessary fluff. People get married happily without those things every day. 

What you are really saying is that it’s sad you have brothers and a brother in law but neither of you have sisters or sister in laws. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? You could have also opted to have the guys in your family on your side, but you chose to follow the traditional style. 

Either way, NOT a big deal. 

Post # 6
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You could have your 2 brothers stand on your side, so it would be 5 on each side.

Post # 7
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

I agree with others that you aren’t entitled to a shower or Bachelorette but there are more people than just bridesmaids that can attend these events. For my Bachelorette I have my 4 bridesmaids and then 5 other friends coming. My Mom is expecting around 30 for my shower between bridesmaids, friends, family friends, my family and FI’s family. 

It’s not a big deal to have uneven sides.

Post # 8
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

you mentioned he’s having his sister’s husband in his party. You could have his sister as a bridesmaid? I don’t know my FI’s two sisters well, but I included them.

Bach. party doesn’t need to be big! I honestly have seen 5 or 6 girls (including bride) be pretty average/normal.

Bridal shower also doesn’t need to be that big. Mine will be about 15 people (and even that is mostly both of our families and my mom’s friends). Some people invite every female invited to the wedding which makes it big.

Post # 9
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My bachelorette was just my three best friends and I and we had a blast- bachelorette’s dont need to be a big do with lots of people.

You don’t need to have a bridal shower either.

We had an uneven bridal party at first which is apparently quite hip these days (though we did even it out after because it was 3 and 4)

You could always have the girls walk with two of the guys instead of one? That would look pretty cute!

ETA: don’t add girls to your bridal party unless you want to- the more BM’s you have the more trouble you’ll have. seriously. learned this the hard way by including the husband’s sister when i really didn’t want to.

Post # 11
Member
490 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
weddingal2019 :  I would feel honored if anyone asked me to be their bridesmaid :). I think a lot of people would, so don’t worry about feeling like a burden unless you know something about their life circumstance which might make it difficult like being a student, being a new mom, etc. or which may lead to fights (personality differences or different tastes, etc.). I asked one of my bridesmaids months after the others because she didn’t have a job before so I didn’t want to make it a difficult decision for her. Now she’s more settled so I asked her.

As for party and shower planning, I’m in the same boat. I technically have 5 bridesmaids, but it looks like only 2 *might* have a shot at coming to a bachelorette and straight up told me that it’s going to be more like a roadtrip and less like a bachelorette, which made me a little disappointed but oh well what can you do.

Post # 12
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

View original reply
MissCtoMrsR :  I agree with this idea – have your brothers stand up next to you. I vote don’t add people just as filler.

Post # 13
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

Agree with PPs about the amount of bridesmaids—definitely quality over quantity. I plan on having 3-5 (3 ideally, which would be my closest friends and 5 would be if I include SO’s sister and a cousin). If there’s a shower and/or bachelorette party, I’d be happy to include more friends and family members to join (moreso friends for the bachelorette). You can extend the invite to those events to people who are invited to your wedding, even if they aren’t in the bridal party. I wouldn’t worry about keeping the numbers even; I was in a bridal party where the groomsmen walked down the aisle with two bridesmaids (one on each arm) because the bride had so many more on her side than the groom.

Post # 14
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

I’m in the same boat. My Fiance has 3 brothers and 3 close cousins. I had 4 bridesmaids but one got a job in another country and financially will not be able to attend. I kept trying to think and think about girls I could ask to make up for my friend not being able to and so my Fiance could have all his family in it. But I had a revalation, if I have to think that hard, they shouldn’t be in my wedding. I have my three closest friends and thats all I need. As far as bridal showers and bachelorette parties, I have several friends/college roommates who will come to the shower even though they aren’t bridesmaids and some of my Fiance family members that are near my age are going to the bachelorate party. I haven’t known the extras for that long so I didn’t think it would be appropriate to have them as bridesmaids but I am happy to have them enjoy the festivities!

Post # 15
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

totally have your brothers stand with you! Then it’s 5 and 5!

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