Lack of sex

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Have you guys considered couples counseling?

Post # 4
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

dwobride :  I HIGHLY suggest counseling. Fiance and I do it. We were fighting a lot last summer. Most of it because of wedding stress, but it was starting to trickle into other parts of our relationship. After one big blow up I told him we were going to counseling because we needed to figure out how to fight like functioning human beings, lol. Uggghh that was a nasty fight.

Point is, we seemed to figure out how to argue. Now we’re spending our sessions on our sex life. I can see that it’s helping. Our sex life isn’t bad, but there’s definitely room for improvement.

In the beginning, I told my Fiance that I wanted to use our relationship therapist as our premarital counseling. But TBH, I think we’re going to continue going after we’re married. I think Fiance likes it more than I do, lol. We get something out of every session we go to. We’re SOOO much happier as a couple now that we’ve figured out how to communicate. A lot of it had to do with the enviornments we were raised in. His family openly fights, mine doesn’t fight at all.

Ah tagent. But yea, I think every couple should go to counseling at some point in their lives. It has made a world of difference :o)

Post # 5
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Counselling! I think it sounds like a good thing that you’re willing to work on yourself as well, but I also think couples counselling is necessary!

Post # 7
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would start with initiating to see how he reacts. I don’t wait for my husband usually to get things going and that turns him on. If that doesn’t stimulate him I would totally sit down and have a real talk. Tell him it’s been a constant issue and it hasn’t improved so you think that you need to talk to someone about this.  Explain that just because your sex drives aren’t the same your basic needs aren’t being met. This will lead to bigger problems in your relationship so he needs to make a big effort to make sure you are taken care of.

Post # 8
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Dude needs to quit masterbating every day. 

Post # 12
Member
4871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

dwobride :  have you talked to him about the masturbation bothering you? If you’ve been replaced completely with his hand then I think that’s a big problem. 

Post # 14
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

There are articles about porn addiction causing men to lack interest in real sex. The visual stimuli or something. Dunno the scientific works, but supposedly it is quite damaging.

Anyway, if that’s not the case, just having a heart to heart talk with your Fiance about what works for him/turns him on will help. Fiance and I also have opposing drives, but he said kissing is a sure way to turn him on. Have you tried having that discussion with your FI? Not a “We need to have more sex” discussion but one centered on “What turns you on?” or “What can I do to make you feel good?”

Also, that kind of talk works wonders in ANY situation. Being a teacher, I should know. 😉 You don’t want to present the problem as a problem; you want to offer and provide support. 

Post # 15
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I second the comment above about porn addiction.  It causes men to become so attracted by society’s image of perfect,and extreme and fantasy.  It 100% causes a lessened interest in the reality of sex with your SO. For a little while Darling Husband and I went through the same thing and once he quit porn, sex life improved.

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