- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
My husband and I have been together for 4.5 years, married for almost 2,living together for 2.5. He’s 28 and I’m 27 and on birth control. Our sex life has never been that banging (pun intended). It never really picked up once we moved in together. To be honest, I was super sex driven when I was 20/21, but have come to realize that had a lot more to do with low self esteem than actually being horny. So it’s not like I’m sexually frustrated because we don’t have sex everyday. I can usually go a couple of weeks before I get really antsy. And my Darling Husband and I have always kept an open line ofcommunication in that regard and have always said to eachither that it’s not as though either of us are upset or sexually frustrated so our low volume sex life shouldn’t impact our relationship.
Over time, after moving in together, I recognized that 80% of the time I was initiating, and because of that, we were only having sex 1-2 times per month. I spoke to Darling Husband and he told me that he would like to have sex morE often, but he is hesitant to initiate because he isn’t sure I’ll be in the mood or I’m watching tv etc. I told him off the hop that anything I’m doing (unless obviously important) doesn’t trump our sex life. I also told him that sex might not be on my mind, but him showing he wants medefinitely gets me in the mood. I also told him I needed him to start initiating more. It’s been almost two years, and every time we talk about our sex life it’s the same conversation. Now our lack of sex life is bothering me because I know he gets in the mood a lot more frequently and doesn’t act on it. I’ve tried to tell him that him saying he wabtw to be more intimate with me, but not actually doing anything, is hurting me. Because if he wants to have sex, has the opportunity to have sex, and doesn’t choose to have sex, well, what does that say?
The last month, I have initiated every chance i had, even though i wasnt necessarily in the mood, in hopes or jumpstarting our sex life. Last weekend there were a couple of opportinities that i waited to see of he would act on, he didnt, and it just frustrated me. Last week we had a big long talk and I told him that of stuff didn’t start to change, it was going to impact our relationship (I have started to notice that we bicker a lot, more so me with stuff he does, which I think is anexternal reaction to my internal frustration). He agreed he would put mpre effort into our sex life.
Yesterday there was a great opportunity to be together, and likely the only of the weekend, we are at his parents cottage with the family. And nothing happened. I just don’t know what to do anymore.