(Closed) Ladies, do any of you have a man with a short temper??

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@LibraryBlondie: that’s a tough situation. I personally am not in your position. I can’t handle someone like that  because it would just make me mad.lol and that would be a lose lose situation.

My Uncle is like your SO and my Aunt is like you. They have been married for 40 years and she has gotten very good at ignoring his tamtrums. But there is a line that he isn’t allowed to cross. (name calling, hitting, the big stuff). So she let’s him piss and moan because that is just the way he is and then he gets over it. Tell him what your line is. Tell him he upsets you when he over reacts like that. It’s not fair to take it out on you because something didn’t go the way he would have liked it to. Everytime he does it to the point of bothering you, let him know.

Post # 4
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

Yes. But it’s definitely a “you need to know what you’re choosing to tolerate” situation. Our counselor identified my guy as a perfectionist, and not immature. The desire for perfection at all times causes him to react poorly in normal situations where someone would just cut their losses and label it as bad luck. He never screams at me. He never throws anything. He never calls me names. But I know his personality enough to know that some times I just need to give him a second to vent and just ignore him. HOWEVER, if he’s being snippy with ME over a silly situation, I call him out. Either then or later once he cools off. I’ve explained to him time and time again that he needs to be more patient with me cause I can’t handle him getting that frustrated with me over situations that don’t warrant that level of frustration. It doesn’t happen often. But it happens. He claims he isn’t frustrated with me but rather the “situation.” I also explained to him that my involvement in the situation makes me a victim of the frustration he has.

Anyways. Point is. Frustration like that CAN be a sign of emotional immaturity. But it can also be a sign of a perfectionist attitude. You need to know where you draw the line though. You’ll never totally change someone’s natural personality, but you need to know when they’ve oerstepped their bounds and let them know they’ve moved into hurtful territory. While a temperment like that does require some understanding on your part and understanding about when you just need to ignore them till they cool off, that doesn’t mean you should be doing all the work. It’s still a 2 way street. It’s good that he recognizes he has moods and apologizes. At the end of the day though, simply allowing yourself to fly off the handle whenever you want and think it’s ok cause you’ll just apologize later is not ok. He needs to learn to practice some self control.

You’re always gonna have a bad day from time to time. Happens in any relationship with strong differing personalities. But so long as it’s something you’re working on and you’re happy, that’s what matters. Sorry you had a bad day. ๐Ÿ™ Sorry this was so long.

Post # 5
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Welcome!  I thought I’d come by because I am like your Fiance. :).  It’s not that I have a short temper, it’s that I have this expectation that everything should go perfectly/easily for me.  Like right now I am yelling at the autocorrect in my iPad lol.  But at some point, it becomes a choice to recognize that you’re reacting in a certain way and change it or just say you need a moment to calm down.  Some days it’s exhausting to try to make everything go perfectly!  

Post # 6
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes, my ex-husband was like this. It had to do with a selfish, entitled attitude on his part that no situation or person could dare to go any way but HIS way and he was Prince Charming…until something (anything, nothing) set him off. He drank so that didn’t help.

I don’t know what to tell you. I think it was part immaturity, part selfishness, part never having been taught that in life you don’t always get your way and how to handle it when you don’t or when things go wrong.

That’s about all I have, I divorced him and he’s still the same 10+ years later. He’s just not MY problem anymore.

Post # 7
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My husband has what we call “the rage.” Every male in his family has it, dad, uncle, cousins…but it’s NEVER directed at me. He gets angry and yells at things that aren’t working the way he wants them to (usually techno devices), and I hate the yelling, but I also never feel belittled. It’s become a bit of a joke amongst the wives in the family.

Post # 9
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sounds like my fiance. It sucks, but it’s part of who he is. I just ignore him while he throws his tantrums.

Post # 10
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@reine_de_rien: sounds like mine too! I just ignore him and he eventually settles down.

Post # 11
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

yep he sure does lol but i give him his space so he can cool down

Post # 12
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@missrobots: Yes. This is pretty much exactly my DH! He definitely has “the rage” but I have never felt belittled or scared. It’s directed at mostly electronics or vehicles.

Post # 13
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My fiance has an anger problem. He has never been angry at me, but he knows it bothers me when he blows up at other people, so it’s something we have started working on and he has improved a lot. For him, a lot of it has to do with his upbringing. He was never encouraged as a child to express himself or tell people how he felt, and he is a pretty sensitive guy. When something is bothering him, he internalizes it and doesn’t let on that he is upset until it reaches a certain point and he yells at someone, even if that person isn’t the cause of the built up frustration. He is never violent or anything, he usually just yells something then feel guilty about it for a day or two.

One thing that really helped was talking openly about the problem. Once he started to realize what he was doing and how his reactions were perceived by others he began to control himself better. We got a book called ‘The Anger Habit,’ which discusses the source of anger and how different people deal with it. That has been especially helpful.

Good luck!

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