(Closed) Ladies, how to cope when losing your 'best friend' forever'?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It will either blow over in time and you will be bff’s again, OR it won’t and this is really the end of a long friendship.


If it doesn’t work out, know this – most of us don’t still many if any of the friends we had in highschool.  Sometimes you grow apart, sometimes it’s a fight, sometimes you move away.  In any case, you should rest assured that you will find new friends when you go out into the big world.  You will find new friends at new jobs, and in new relationships.


It’s hard right now, but trust me, you will get over it.  You will find a new best friend that you feel like you’ve known since highschool, and you will one day look back at the fond memories you have of other lost friendships and learn from them, creating new friendships.


Go out with other friends, go out and experience something new.  Perhaps a new amazing person is out there waiting for a best friend like you.

As for your graduation, just be the bigger person.  When you see her, congratulate her, when you see her mom, smile and just keep on walking.  This doesn’t have to ruin your day, and it won’t unless you let it.

Post # 4
11984 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m lucky, i have 2 girls I have been friends wiht for 24 years (grade 1) and 3 other girls I have been super close with for 18 years (middle school).  We went through A LOT.  We were TERRIBLE to each other at times.  I am horrified at some of the things we did & said to each other.  At one time or another we all ganged up on each other and went through times where we didn’t speak to that person.  We made it through.  High school girls are terrible people – it’s true, we all are and I don’t care what anyone says, I’m that girl who tries to be friends with everyone, i knew all 255 people in my grad class but still – we’re terrible to each other.  If you 2 really had a BFF friendshio you’ll make it through, if you fall apart this easy it wasn’t ‘meant to be’.  Smile, be positive, and try not to say things you’ll regret later.  

Post # 5
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I can totally relate to this because there are times when it’s best to go your separate ways.

When I was a teenager, I was a hardcore socialist, and I even spent time on a commune on my early 20s. My friends used to be so cool… in a band, raging against “the man” etc etc. And then I got to my 20s and I suddenly realised that I was the only one of my close group at university or in work. The rest of them were still raging against society and living in their parents’ basements… only it wasn’t so cool any more. In fact, it was kind of pathetic.

I cut the dead weight and moved on with my life. Broke my heart, but it had to be done. Sometimes it sucks, hon. But this is a chance for you to move on with your life and to be a new and mature person, forming a strong bond with your new husband. You MUST see that this (the relationship between you and hubby) is the most important thing, regardless.

Post # 6
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’ll be fine. Friendships come and go, sometimes in ways that make things a little harder for everyone. It’s an unfortunate “fact of life” that I think a lof of people don’t like to talk about — some friends don’t stick around forever.


I lost contact with most of my highschool friends, but none of them outright dumped me. ๐Ÿ™
I’m sorry she felt that it was OK to do that.


Are you going to college?
You will make TONS of friends in college, and it will be even easier because you all have similar interests (depending mainly on your major, but also any clubs, sororities, or councils you join).


Surround yourself with positive people!
If your ex-friend doesn’t want to be positive to you, you’re better off without her in the long run!
You don’t need that crap in your life!


I agree with lia22 – just be the bigger person here. It’s much more satisfying in the long run to know that you were able to reign in your own emotions (even if she can’t) and take the high road in regards to her choices.


Think of this like a bad breakup, my advice always remember what she decided to do to you if she ever tries to come back to the same level you were preiously. While I don’t recommend snuffing her entirely, I would say always keep this in mind of the very unkind things she is capable of. It’s just not very friend-like!


[Edited to add]
I just wanted to add to the previous poster who mentioned husbands… (no offense meant to her, but you’re still in high school!)
I know this isn’t what you’re thinking of at all, but just wanted to say: you don’t need a husband to become a better person.
A bond with a husband is important, but it isn’t nearly as important as a strong bond with yourself! A good husband is a compliment to your (constantly growing and learning) excellent self! Not a requirement. ๐Ÿ™‚
Crappy stuff like this happens to make yourself a stronger person. I always remind myself of that when I feel like you are now. It took me a long time to figure that out (I think out of college even, my major was intense), but ALL “bad” things that happen to you will shape who you are in the future — so be strong and know that this has the possibility to make you better!

Sending lots of love your way!

Post # 7
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You have your whole life ahead of you to make new friends! If you’re going to university, trust me, you will meet many more like-minded people there than you ever would in high school.

After finishing high school, I found that most of the people I had been “best friends” with were really more friends out of convenience – we had classes together and enjoyed the same things for the most part. As soon as I left school, I was able to meet people that stimulated me, encouraged me, helped me through some tough times (I even married one of them!). I’m only really friends with two people from high school, and one of them is drifting away – when you’re not spending every day together in school, you will usually drift apart anyway.

Post # 8
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s part of growing up ๐Ÿ™‚ And, as a 29 year old, it continues to happen. As you get older you realize that you change and when you do, your friends change with that. I’m dealing with the slow death of a friendship with a girl I was extremely close with for 4 years. Thought she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Until my life went a different way, and hers went the other.

Anyone who gives you a timeline on when you can start to be friends again isn’t worth it, in my opinion.

You’re YOUNG and you have so much time to meet new people and make new friends who really complement you.

Post # 9
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@CakeyP:  Whoops! Sorry. Misread OP. Didn’t mean to imply that I thought she needed a husband to be a better person!

OP: yeah, you have all the time in the world to grow and change as a person. Sorry if it hurts, but it happens, and it can sometimes break your heart in the process. Hugs xx

Post # 10
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

The end of grade 12 marked the end of a really close friendship for me. It did suck at the time, but it allowed me to branch out in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise once I got to university.


High school will be over soon, and you’ll be able to move on to a whole new part of your life!

Post # 11
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Rachel631:  No problem! I know what you meant!
I hope I didn’t come across as snarky, that’s not what I intended at all ๐Ÿ™‚
Because I totally agree with your previous comment 100%; been there done that (just subtract the husband part for OP haha)

Hey, OP I re-read your post and I wanted to point out that it sounds like this girl is intentionally trying to hurt your feelings (plus, what’s up with her mom?).
I know that’s kind of like “well, duh,” but that’s really not an okay thing for any friend (friend, boyfriend, family member) to do, especially when you’re fighting. Just keep that in mind for now (don’t hold grudges, but do keep notes on how people act sometimes… some things can be very revealing about who a person really is)
You’ll be fine, I know it. It’s just that the process sucks a bunch in the meantime.

But, hey, you’re graduating in a few weeks! That’s flippin’ awesome!
You really have so much to look forward to, I promise!!
I know eveyone says that, but I really mean it!

Post # 12
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can completly relate.

 Lost my best friend of 9 years last summer. We had been growing apart slowly anyhow, but after i moved out and moved into my new house with my FH, shit hit the fans. her fiance feed the fire( and had been feeding the fire for awhile) and we havent talked since oct.

Its not easy. I will tell you that. so many occasions ill stumble across something on pinterest, and my first reaction is omg i have to send this to ____! We ahve a mutaul friend still, and i know its hard on her too.


Only time will heal the wounds…..


Post # 13
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CakeyP:  To your edit, YES! +10000000

It took me forever to figure that out. You have to be happy with YOU before you can be happy with someone else.

Post # 14
7217 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@cwineing:  I am so sorry. This is a really tough situation, especially when you’re about to graduate. It’s such a big moment in your life and it’s really sad to not have your best friend at that time. 

All I can tell you is that you will move on and this won’t hurt so much after a while. I had a fight with, and stopped speaking to one of my best friends of ten years. It was really, really hard and paintful at first, but that was over a year ago and I honestly feel no hurt around it at all. I hear about her from mutual friends and I can be happy for her accomplishments, but am perfectly comfortable having nothing to do with her. You will get there, too.

Post # 15
5403 posts
Bee Keeper

You said in your other post that you’re in your 20s and in college. Just wondering which is true. 


Like PPs said, losing friends happens to most everyone, and it sucks, but it’s a part of life. You will make plenty more friends! Some come and some go. 

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