(Closed) Ladies, how would you take this?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


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Elisabeta:  My Fiance was the same way, but then we decided to go and have my ring custom made so I was getting EXACTLY what I wanted for what he was spending. We went in, designed it, gave them the “ok” and made the decision they’d keep the file on hand and when Fiance was ready to have it made, he’d call them and let them know. So it was still a complete surprise as to when and how…

Post # 3
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Bloch Chapel

My SO wants every single aspect to be a surprise. We’ve looked at lots of rings, but he told me he’ll still pick out something HE likes (which honestly kind of terrifies me). I think he’ll pick exactly what I’ve shown him, but he won’t tell me ANYTHING about the ring, proposal…nothing.

He’s very romantic when it comes to these things, and I know he wants to make some grand gesture, but I’m just getting anxious and want to know what he has planned. I don’t think you’re being a brat. Guys just don’t realize how maddening it is waiting for this major life event to happen and having no control over it.

Post # 4
4238 posts
Honey bee


Y Chromosome Disorder.



(iow, boys are weird)


Post # 5
31 posts

Idk if it’s a British thing or maybe just my circle of friends but being proposed to is usually a complete surprise.  My SO planned a proposal and bought the ring entirely without my knowing. some people like to pick their own ring but there’s a real romance about the surprise and wearing what he chose.  It sounds like he wants that for you xx

Post # 6
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Elisabeta:  My bf had the mind set that engagement should be 100% surprise. To me its bullshit. I don’t want to be surprised with such important decision. Thankfully we talked about it one day after seeing a movie where guy proposed to girl and she refused. With much grumble from his side we decided that we would pick ring together and actual proposal is up to him. I gave him free hand, all I asked for is not to do it in restaurant in front of strangers and hot appetizer waiting to be eaten.

That being said, no – you are not being a brat. If your bf wanted it to be total surprise, he should never ask you for your opinion. He needs to get over it.

Post # 8
848 posts
Busy bee

It means stop talking and let him plan it. My husband was very much “this is the one thing that guys really get to plan” and didn’t want me to try to take control of it. Granted we had gone shopping so he did know what I liked, but after that I had to shut up.

I would let it go for a bit. Maybe you could ask if he wants to know what you like- but you have to be prepared for him to say that he doesn’t want to know and he wants to surprise you. If that’s the case you are going to just have to wait it out- it’s hard, but remember he’s trying to surprise you- in his own way it’s sweet.

Post # 9
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Don’t get too down.. He may feel like everything needs to be a surprise, and perhaps was thinking you would come back with specifications such as “i love princess cut halos” or “i love cushion cut solitaires.”, rather than it has to be custom. That would give him a lot to go with!! You could always print off some pictures of rings you like and give it to him and let him do what he wants, ie. custom based off of the pictures. My Fiance printed off multiple rings that each had a different detail he liked, and had it all made into one ring. This is a huge thing for men, and he probably jsut wants you to be completely surprised with both the time and how he does it, and how the ring looks. But with that said, not every woman wants to be surprised by the ring itself, so if thats you, maybe talk to him about how you would like to be involved with the design of the ring or what he chooses! 🙂

Post # 11
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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Elisabeta:  maybe he already has a ring. my Fiance gets really irritated around birthdays or gift giving holidays if I suggest something I would like that differs from what I originally suggested. He takes gifts super serious so he wants to get the very best and if I give any signs of changing my mind or wanting something else, then he panics and thinks he has picked a gift poorly. 

Post # 13
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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Elisabeta:  my DH felt the same way. he felt i was taking from the proposal by bringing it up all the time and it was important to him that it remain a surprise. you have to be considerate of his feeling about his proposal as well. rings can be figured out after the fact. I personally think its okay to let him know what you like. but to go ahead and get a custom ring (even though i know lots of women/men do this) before the actual proposal takes a lot from it. he prob didnt realize how specific you were going to get. he prob just thought you were oging to give him a general idea. 

Post # 15
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

My SO asked me what rings I liked and then later on said he always imagined he would just choose or custom design it as a surprise, he seemed upset and I reminded him that HE asked me for input. I think it’s just overwhelming for them and they want it to be really special and important but also worry “what if she hates the ring” I say cut him some slack on this and see if you can reach a compromise.

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