:/ Well, I’ve got a rather sad update. I found out tonight Darling Husband wants to wait…….again. I’m beyond heartbroken, as I’ve been waiting for almost 2 years now for him to be gung-ho about this.
Since he’s not 100%, I will of course respect that. At my next gyno appt (beginning of May), I will talk to her about BC (not pills, because they make me violently ill- maybe Implanon).
I just don’t know when/if he’s ever really going to be ready. He was anti-children and anti-marriage before he met me, and when he met me, his views on marriage changed completely…I just don’t know if his views on children have changed.
He’s promised me that he wants children with me, but I’m having doubts about that now. I love him, completely, but if he ends up not wanting children, I may have to seriously consider the longevity of the marriage.
Fortunately, I have a good many years left for trying (if my body doesn’t betray me, of course), so I can give it 10 years or so before I really need to begin pushing for it, but I don’t want to invest 10 years with someone that is undecided on children- even if he says he wants them.
Sorry to rant/vent… I’m just devastated. Fortunately, I haven’t bought anything to begin charting (OPKs, thermometer, etc.) so I’m not at a loss there.
I just will not allow the flip-flopping on this. If he wants children in the future, and he can reassure me 100% he wants them, then I can wait. But I do not want him to say we can TTC one day and then the next week decide he wants to wait. It’s playing with my emotions, whether he realizes it or not. (And I do believe he has no ulterior motive, and was genuinely not trying to hurt me- he’s probably just scared, and I understand that, as much as it kills me).
I will chalk his anger/frustration up to him quitting smoking, which I am extremely proud of, BUT I wish he would have not given me any hope whatsoever when he said we can have a child…. :/ UGH.
Sorry, Bees. I’ll hopefully *fingers crossed* be joining the ranks of TTC in the next few years. And if not, then I may be joining the waiting boards again- because children are a dealbreaker for me. (Before we married, he was for children, which is why I didn’t question it then). >:/ I’m just venting, so please take what I say with a grain of salt about ‘waiting boards’, I’m just incredibly angry..and I do believe rightfully so.
Now, to go cry and eat gluten free wafers. 🙂