(Closed) Ladies! I\'m leaving… Not you. Him. Walk date opinions…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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spillchops:  I’d saw make the move as soon as you can. If you can afford it today, even if it would be a little hard, do it. You won’t regret it! Nothing in your post even sounded like you really want to marry HIM, just that you want to get married. You deserve someone you’d be willing to wait for. I “thought” about setting a walk date with my fiance at one point, but decided he was worth the wait. 

Its a strong and couragous decision to say you want and deserve more and better. Move forward with this while you’re still feeling this confident and strong. Don’t waste any more time finding someone who’s worth your time and love! Good luck bee!

Post # 17
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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spillchops:  Yup! I left someone after nearly 10 years. it was so hard and painful but as time passed I knew that I had done the right thing and I deserved to be happy and have what I wanted in a relationship. When fh and I had been dating a few months I told him that I wanted us to end it at 12 months if we weren’t headed towards marriage. He agreed. (he had told me he loved me and was going to marry me when he was a little-ok very- drunk after we’d only been dating a month). At 11 months he proposed. I can’t believe I stayed in my prior relationship for so long. I see so many ways that I was settling, always hoping, always just telling myself that I wasn’t marriagable or whatever. Now I know different and I am loved and cherished and my fh would do anything to make me happy. 

It will be hard to leave but you know that you have things you want in your life. You deserve those things and you deserve to be with someone who wants to give you those things. 

Post # 18
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Personally I think if you’re willing to wet a date to walk away you should just walk away now.  If you truly believe you can walk away in a week, a month, 6 weeks, 6 months, 1 year why not do it now? Just my 2 cents 

Post # 19
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

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spillchops:  he has bought a ring, gave it too me but stressed it wasn’t an engagement ring 

Ok that’s all I needed to hear before forming an opinion. After living together for four years, this is just wrong. No, no, no, no, no.

 

 

Has any one else out there walked away from someone who they loved but utimatley knew they weren’t on the same page?

 

Yes, and as soon as I walked, I met my REAL Mr. Right pretty quickly.

Life is short. Dump this time waster/loser and get moving! You’re only 30. There are still lots of guys out there! 

I wouldn’t bother with a walk date. The time for a walk date has long since passed. You need to dump this guy like yesterday. I would be making phone calls TODAY to move in with a friend or family member ASAP and clear out by the end of the weekend. I’m dead serious. If he comes running back saying he’s changed his mind and to please take him back, I’d keep walking. He’s wasted enough years of your life. Don’t give him any more chances to waste more years. 

Post # 20
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee

Honey PLEASE speak to someone at your college IMMEDIATELY. It’s sometimes possible to continue a course and still be able to make extra money by figuring out an alternate schedule or even working at you college.

Once you have that in place, 

LEAVE.

The sooner you’re out, the sooner you can move towards better.

Post # 21
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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Yipeebee:  
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ceebee6:  I totally agree! Great advice!

Post # 22
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

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spillchops:  I feel you. Sometimes you have to do things that need to be done for your own health and well-being. I know it hurts but you’ll never meet your husband unless you leave Peter Pan. Good luck and please keep us posted. 

Post # 23
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

From the way you talk, it sounds like you are emotionally gone already! And that is good.

Five years is enough. If laughing-boy can’t commit by the age of 39, forget it.

I would like to say something I might get flak for, but I think that after the age of 25, if you want to get married, don’t live with a guy until after you are engaged. It has nothing to do with religion or anyone’s idea of morality.

It is just that it is harder to split up your life if you are living together for 4 years, with a guy who still can’t wrap his mind around the idea of marriage. And you have no power.

Post # 24
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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spillchops:  Yup, I was in a similar situation and I walked.

I was 29, he was in his early 40s and we had been together for 5 years as well, living together for most of that. Even the ring bit – he bought me a ring just over a year into the relationship implying that it WOULD be my engagement ring later, but it wasn’t at that point. In the end, I think we were just at different stages in our lives. I wanted kids and he didn’t (he had already had kids in his previous marriage), but he was afraid that I would leave if he just told me the truth – so instead, he told me that he would love to have kids if he were with somebody else, he just didn’t want them with me.

Regarding marriage, he kept giving me some line about how he wanted some time between his previous marriage and a new one – after 5 years of that time, I got sick of waiting for something that was never going to happen.

He basically made me feel like there was something wrong with me for even wanting a marriage and a family, made me feel like it wasn’t even normal to want those things. In the end, I looked back over the last 6 months or so of the relationship and realized that I could only pick out a few days where I was actually happy in it. In hindsight, I waited too long to leave – but what can I say? It’s unbelievable hard to leave somebody you love, even if you absolutely know that they aren’t right for you.

Since then? I had a wonderful single year, after which I met a wonderful man. We have the same goals for the future, the same values – which is not to say that we don’t have our occasional differences and arguments, but they are the exception rather than the norm. We’ve been together three years and are getting married this summer and I honestly couldn’t be happier 🙂

Post # 25
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Yes, I have; I stayed too damn long (10yrs) and still nothing.  I will never get those years back.  Anywho, I met the love of my life, the man I married.  I thank God every day that I didn’t stay any longer than I did.  A close friend of mines is still waiting after 19yrs. He gave her 2 different engagement rings with a wedding date and still she hasn’t walked down the aisle.  Now she feels stuck and have to keep up the “image”.  All I can say, run & don’t look back. On the other hand, if he’s supporting you and she only have a short time remaining in school, save your money and wait until you are financially ready.

Post # 26
Member
5941 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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spillchops:  I walked away from a marriage, so yeah. And yes, I had to “plan” behind his back so I’d be ready. Down to the “where will I go the night I tell him”? It seems sneaky, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Post # 27
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I was with my now Fiance for seven years before he proposed.  I have my moment when I told myself I’d walk, moment when others told me he’d never propose & to leave him..but In my HEART I knew he was worth waiting for.  We had many difficult discussions about being in the same book but on different pages re: marriage, and he asked me to be patient with him and believe him, and I did.  I think you know in your heart what is right, and where your relationship is going.  Don’t listen to others or society, and don’t compare.  If you know this relationship isn’t heading where you want it, jump ship now…why wait?  It’s honestly the truth when people tell you your heart “Knows the answer”.

Post # 28
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

If he is living in your home I think it would only be fare to give him some kind of notice as well, so that he can prepare himself for moving out instead of just preparing yourself and dropping the bomb on him.

Other than that I think you’re making the right decision, five years is long enough and it takes alot of courage to be able to walk away! good for you.

Post # 29
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m honestly torn. I do love him and can see a future but also feel like it’s supposed to be easier than it is and not sure he is “the one” which is making me question everything… I moved across the country for him and now I don’t know where to go. I have friends and could start all over, again… and know I shouldn’t just be staying for the sake of comfort. Has anyone else been in this position?

 

Post # 30
Member
2572 posts
Sugar bee

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ceebee6:  Exactly don’t wait too long or else you will not do it….. 5 years is more than long enough especially at your age to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. He is not bound to change his mind on his own in the next month after 5 years and you don’t want to marry someone who just married your to shut you up.

 

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