(Closed) Ladies is it normal for my fiancé to be so intimated about my sexual past.

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee

No it’s not normal, like 0% of what you’ve written sounds normal

Post # 17
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
emily23ems:  trust me when I say:

1) you definitely would be able to find another guy who can deal with your depression (and it’s probably best to figure out how you can rely on yourself, friends and family so you don’t have to rely on a guy).

2) if you have a hard time dealing with depression, sometimes that has to do with the balance of hormones in your body so I would definitely make sure your treatment team knows you’re as sexually active as you are because thatn Lso plays with your hormones. 

3) having had sex in college is no reason to feel ashamed. You shouldn’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for the consensual sex you have had. And shame is no reason to want to stay in relationship. (And FYI, I literally JUST heard on a podcast that to be considered “highly promiscuous” you have to have 100 partners per year. Around 10? You’re good.)

Post # 18
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If this is real….

I say this with all kindness: get some therapy. You are allowing yourself to be used, first by several men, now by one. And his behavior is normal….for an a**hole.

Post # 19
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

emily23ems:  …. Not even once out of all the times you said “intimated” did you spell it correctly. This seriously cannot be real. And he is “some what charming” ? This whole post has me confused.

How long have you been in a “relationship” with this “guy” ?

But you didn’t say anything about his “mental issues” in your whole post? Nor did you make any real argument as to why you love him or care for him, aside from all the “sex” you have and what “you made him into” Your whole post was about not wanting to lose him because “you” made him into a sex god and he’s the only one to make you have an orgasm. 

“I gave him the best first time ever and I changed him from a shy virgin to a sex god. I understood losing h virgintiy at 20 he is going to want to make up for lost times so I would make sure he would get a ton of sex. I promised him as long as we are dating he will get sex once a day as well as one blowjob as well. And it took some effort but he got amazing at sex. I mean he knows everything I like and how to please me. He is the first man to make me orga through penetratiband.  also is the first man to hit my g-spot and make me squirt and he makes me scream as well. he actually takes the time to make sex more enjoyable for me. I mean i had so much fun being his “sex Ed teacher” and we did every position in the karma sutra and on this website sexinfo101. We also did alot of role playing and we did a lot of sex fantasies as well however he is still intimated by me. I tell him each day he is the best sex I have ever had i havr told him he is giving me the sex I have always dreamed and I never thought sex could be so good. I try and remind him how good he is by sending him sexts each day saying how I cant wait to have sex.”

……. I can’t even.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  BeeinKentucky.
Post # 20
Member
7470 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Neither if you have a healthy relationship with sex. I mean, he calls you a whore and you put quotas on sex because you think he has to “make up for lost time.”   I’d make it a very, very long engagement.  Keep up the therapy!

Post # 21
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: A restaurant on the beach

This is called verbal abuse. Time to break it off. 

Post # 22
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

Your past is YOUR past. He has no right to make you feel guilty or bad about it. Heck, he was even there when it happened and supported your decisions then (by helping you). I think he is becoming a very possessive man, and possessive men are very dangerous. I am all for you to stand up and tell him to stop insulting you for your past. You can’t change it, you shouldn’t need to change it for him to love and accept you (if he does love and accepts you as he says he does), and he should accept the fact that he is not living in your past, but in your present and -hopefully- in your future. If he can’t accept this, ask yourself…are you willing to spend the rest of your life with a man who will always see you as the girl you were once before (probably a long time ago) and not the woman you’ve become? If your answer is even a sligthly “no”, then it is time to break things off. Because, believe me, in his eyes you’re nothing more than the girl he used to pick up drunk after a one night stand. It is sad and harsh and true, and I am sorry.

I recommend you watch a movie called “Chasing Amy”, it is about a guy who falls in love with a girl that has a big sexual past. And even though he “tried”, he can’t move past how she used to act in high school. The reason I recommend you this movie is because the girl has very powerful arguments against the guy’s narrow point of view and the way he treats her (verbally abusing her).

If you don’t wish to see the whole movie, I recommend this scene: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgYVgKNotVc 

 

Post # 23
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If he guilts you into sex, pushes you to have threesomes when you don’t want to, slut shames you and makes you feel bad about your past then he is NOT a sex God. He is just an asshole.

 

Post # 24
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yeah. Hell no. I had all of the sex With various people before Fiance.  I love sex. My Fiance was only with one other girl. And she didn’t teach him much so still somewhat virginal. If he had ever spoke to me like that, I would have kicked him to the curb faster than he could have came in his pants. Uh uh honey. No. 

Post # 25
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
emily23ems:  Your fiance is an abusive piece of shit. It’s not your job to fix his warped little ego, get out of there.

Post # 26
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

A marriage is based on acceptance of the other’s past, honest open communication, trust and mutual respect. Where is this in your relationship? You are both so young. It sounds like both of you need a few more years of life experiance to gauge what is healthy and realistic. 

BTW- I say this with love and kindness, and I often find myself in the same situation, if you are in college be aware of what you write. It is easy to have spelling errors, especially on this site. If you want to post again please break it up with paragraphs. It will be much easier for us to read.

Post # 27
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

Is this real? I thought squirting was recently determined to be urine? 

What glands down there squirt!?!? Sorry I can’t help.  I can’t go foward until this is clarified.

Post # 28
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
emily23ems:  I agree with the other bees. He’s being abusive, there’s nothing wrong with your sexual history (apart from perhaps WHY you took those partners) and it’s not acceptable for him to treat you the way he is.

I think there’s a chance he’s feeling very insecure about himself and your relationship. It appears to be mainly based on sex. You both may be feeding into this idea that sex is of highest importance and therefore you’re both now under a lot of pressure to perform. Maybe he needs to be appreciated as a person, not just used for sex. He needs to build his self worth. He’s probably having conversations about his insecurity and sex life in therapy. If he was sexually abused as a child then this will be causing him major issues. He doesn’t need his entire identity to be based on sex. I think this has led to resentment and he’s now trying to hurt you.

That being said, the way he’s now treating you is abusive and it needs to stop.

Post # 29
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
BeeinKentucky:  this x10000.

OP, if you’re real, for one he’s using you, & vervally Abusing you, and manipulating you to have sex. He deserves dumped for that alone. As beeinkentucky said, you not once talked about how he’s a good person, or why you love him OTHER than the sex. If you want a purely sexual relationship (with a not abusive POS), fine, whatever works for you. But don’t marry this guy, or any other guy til there is a deeper connection than good sex. 

Post # 30
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

1: You should not feel ashamed for having a sexual past. Even if you’ve been with hundreds of men, that’s no one’s business but your own. Slut shaming is not cool.

2: Your fiance is a massive jerk. He’s using guilt and emotional manipulation to force you into having sex. This is abusive behavior that doesn’t not just go away. This is not a healthy attitude toward sex in general and adult relationships in particular. He’s immature and has no idea how to have an adult relationship.

3: The same goes for you. You talk about how you transformed him from a shy virgin into a sex god who makes you orgasm, and you focus on that more than explaining the aspects of your relationship that would actually help the people you’re asking advice from better understand what’s going on. Just because the sex is good doesn’t mean he’s a good partner (and he quite obviously isn’t) and it doesn’t mean you’re being a good partner either if you aren’t able to adequately communicate how you’re feeling to him.

End it before his abusive behavior gets worse. And make sure you’re letting him know SPECIFICALLY why you’re ending it.

The topic ‘Ladies is it normal for my fiancé to be so intimated about my sexual past.’ is closed to new replies.

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