(Closed) Ladies is it normal for my fiancé to be so intimated about my sexual past.

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
Member
3462 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Time to get out! This guy doesn’t deserve you, let alone all the sex you give him. You’re both young and he’s not marriage material. 

Post # 32
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

DO NOT MARRY HIM.  I repeat, DO NOT marry this man.  Relationships — ESPECIALLY marriages — take A LOT more than sex to survive.  It takes respect, support, love, commitment, and an understanding of each other.  The way he is treating you is absolutely not ok.  Fighting all the time is not normal.  Fighting dirty and calling the other person names is also not at all normal.  He isn’t ready for marriage.  You aren’t ready for marriage.  Frankly if you do end up getting married I guarantee you would be divorced before you turn 30.  Not to mention the sex will fade with time.  Then you will literally have no leg to stand on.

I will use myself as an example: with my husband we already do sit reading together.  We are able to sit in silence and just enjoy each other’s company.  When we have our fights, I know there are times when I tick him off and vice versa, but we always always ALWAYS keep it kind and fair.  No name calling ever.  No putting the other person down ever.  And typically after the fight is over we apologize to each other.  I know I piss him off sometimes.  He knows he pisses me off sometimes.  But at the end of the day, we choose to be each other’s life partner and we choose to respect each other.

Post # 33
Member
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
emily23ems:  No it’s not normal, and no he won’t change. Is this how you want your married life to be:

  • We have been fighting a lot recently and he is somewhat verbally abusive. He has called me a stupid bitch like in every argument we have ever had. And he guilts me into having sex with him. At least twice a week he will wake me up in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping and start begging me for sex. If I say no he will say oh you had no problem opening yo legs for some frat boy. And then he will guilt me into sex. He has asked me for the opportunity for a chance to just have sex with another women once and let him experience sex with someone else.

Because that IS how your married life will be. You’re ok with this going on every day for the next 60 years or so? Doesn’t sound fun to me. You know how often my husband has called me stupd (in over 20 years)? Never. Guess how many times he’s called me a bitch…. none. “Stupid bitch” — I literally can not even imagine that coming from his mouth. And my “number” is WAYYYYYYYYY higher than yours. You know how many times he’s mentioned it? NEVER. Not once. Your guy is unhealthy and your relationship is unhealthy. And I have to say, if you’re ok with living the rest of your life like this, you’re also unhealthy. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Post # 34
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Sounds like your relationship is founded only the fact that you have sex eith each other. You dont even sound confident that you love him. This relationship lacks true love and respect. It’s not healthy. I have been with my bf for 5 years and NEVER has he called me names or put me down.  Get out And find someone who truly respects you, and someone you truly respect — not just someone you pity or gives you the “best sex.”  

honestly, I cannot even comprehend how you have sex  twice a day with this guy. For many women, sex is tied to our emotions and I can, in no way, be attracted to some guy who belittles or calls me mean names. apparently you are ok with this? That’s absolutely not healthy.  Stay in therapy.

Post # 35
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t imagine dating much less marrying a man who calls me a whore.

Post # 36
Member
1651 posts
Bumble bee

Wow. You turned him into a sex beast.  

Post # 37
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

He is verbally abusive and sexually abusive (coercing you/guilting you into sex is Not Okay.) He thinks that it’s “unfair” that you had sex before him? What was stopping him from having sex? I have an idea… it might be that he’s an ASSHOLE and couldn’t find anyone who was willing to put up with him. For real, I would suggest that you find a therapist to talk with about all this so you can recognize the ways in which your relationship is unhealthy and find the strength to get out. You will not have a good life with this man.

Post # 38
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

If he wants to try out other woman, say good bye!  

Post # 39
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

If I say no he will say oh you had no problem opening yo legs for some frat boy. And then he will guilt me into sex. He has asked me for the opportunity for a chance to just have sex with another women once and let him experience sex with someone else. He will always say to me it’s not fair you got to whore around before me and have a threesome and one night stands and friends with benefits before me.”

Read this again. And again. And again. And decide: Is this the man you want to marry?

a) He insults and shames you.

b) I won’t use scary words but look up sexual coercion. Example #3 is “You’re Having Sex Out Of Guilt” http://www.bustle.com/articles/67926-is-it-rape-if-you-say-yes-5-types-of-sexual-coercion-explained

c) He does not give a shit about your feelings.

Just in case you’re thinking that this is normal behaviour given your unequal experience levels, here’s my story. My Darling Husband was also a virgin when we met. Before we got married I very honestly asked him whether he was curious about, or interested in, having sexual experiences with another woman, because I would totally get it. I would have been open to at least thinking about “letting” him experience that if he really needed to. He told me that he had never thought about having sex with someone else, has no interest in it, and even if he did, he would never jeopardise our relationship. He promised me that if ever he has those thoughts, he will discuss them with me. I know he would because we discuss everything very openly. We loosely agreed that if ever this happens, we will spice things up, go to sex therapy, and if that doesn’t work, talk about maybe having a threesome. 

Obviously this wouldn’t work for everyone. My point is that a couple ready for marriage solves their problems TOGETHER, not by pressuring and insulting.

Post # 40
Member
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

This is the kind of thing I picture when MRA whine about women not liking “nice guys”, in which said “nice guy” shames and degrades the woman he supposedly loves because he’s so insecure.

 

OP, he’s not a nice guy. Nice guys don’t call you names or shame you. You do not deserve such treatment.

Yet, you seem to believe that this is what you have to tolerate to find someone who can handle your depression. It doesn’t work like that. Seriously. There are good men who will love you as you are and you won’t be expected to degrade yourself in order to keep their love.

why don’t you deal with your depression with a therapist and leave this douchebag behind where he belongs. 

Post # 41
Member
345 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like my ex bf. 

1. You’re getting married but he doesn’t trust you enough to tell you why he’s going to therapy? I’d be concerned if I were you. 

2. He will not get over you being his first and only. we have a pretty similat story. I actually gave in to a threesome for him, which I didn’t mind, i had my own curiosities. But that wasn’t enough. My ex ended up trying to cheat on me every chance he got. He couldn’t live knowing I had plenty of my own experiences and all he had was me. You won’t win this battle.

Post # 43
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Okay, here’s how a man who is mature, comfortable, and worthy of your time/energy reacts to you being his first in the sack…

He’s perfectly content with it being just you, and he gives no fucks about who you were with before.

Please don’t marry this guy. He’s coercing and guilting you into sex – that’s a huge, awful red flag.

Post # 44
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

What youre describing is abuse. I hope you really reconsider your relationship. Life is too short to settle for love. yes, you love him. but realistically, you will fall in love with again. hopefully a guy who will not pressure you into sex or call you a stupid bitch….you two aren’t even married! can you imagine what delightful things this fucker will say once youve been togther even longer? GET OUT.

Post # 45
Member
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

On the 2% chance this was a legit real topic….my response would be to end the relationship point blank. Verbal abuse and degradation of your partner is not okay nor will it be fixed with a few sorries. Time to move on.

 

But on the 98% chance this is spam…all I have to say is, ain’t nobody got time for this.

The topic ‘Ladies is it normal for my fiancé to be so intimated about my sexual past.’ is closed to new replies.

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