- 2 months ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Ladies only is still very typical here.
Ladies only is still very typical here.
Thanks for the input ladies, I feel better now about my idea to make it ladies only. When I first originally Google’d it, I came across this link and was appalled.
Granted this is for an out of town couple so maybe she does not want to travel alone and it doesn’t say how far, but she threw a hissy fit and made it this huge feminist / gender equality issue that men were forbidden. I had never thought about it being bad until I read this! So I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy! But then again, I am not friends with any women who would think like this so extreme…
I personally think traditional showers are the most awkward thing ever, and really wanted a coed shower that would be more like a party / celebration of the coming baby. But I ran it by my husband who had no interest in attending any sort of baby shower, and I ran it by my Mother-In-Law (who is hosting) who thought it was a weird idea and also thought it would be too many people to handle. So I caved and am having my traditional baby shower. What are ya gonna do. 🤷🏻♀️
Co-ed is definitely more the norm around here now, but I think that’s been a fairly recent change in hte past 5-10 years and ladies only showers aren’t uncommon even here.
That being said – I’d be a bit ticked off with my SO if he expressed zero interest in a laid back BBQ style shower. And the ‘diaper parties’ – like why are diapers the gift for me and he gets beer? Nope – such gender stereotypes that baby stuff is for mom only. Ugh.
Now cutesy shower games…I get not wanting to do those, but then I don’t want to do those. But a lot of a shower is receiving gifts FOR OUR CHILD. And yeah he should be just as present for that to show how appreciative he is to the gifters for their generosity!!
Ladies only showers are the norm around here too. Fiance is always relieved when I’m invited to a shower that he doesnt have to attend haha!
I hosted a ladies only shower for my best friend, and her husband had a cookout for the guys back at their house during our shower. We all met up afterwards and just hung out. It was a great structure!
Usually women only here. My Darling Husband would refuse to go
i’ve never been to a co-ed shower. still the norm to be ladies only. i’m in suburbs of a major metropolitan city.
however, in my religion, jewish, we don’t typically have baby showers. we have a bris or baby naming after the baby is born and that is when we typically receive gifts. and those are co-ed.
temeculabride : I’ve never been to a coed baby shower before. Still all ladies showers in my circle.
However, I’m planning to do a coed shower b/c my mom is in nursing home with Alzheimers and I have no sisters. I have 2 brothers and my father who I am close with, and it makes me sad to think that they wouldn’t be at the only celebration of this baby. We’re not doing a gender reveal or Christening. My other train of thought is that my husband was completely and utterly involved and supportive while we were TTC and throughout this pregnancy. It just doesn’t feel right not to have him be a part of the celebration.
FWIW, my brother was my “Man of Honor” and my other brother did the reading at our wedding – so I’m pretty untraditional when it comes to involving males in my life events 🙂
It’s been a while since I’ve been back, but as I am making the guest list and helping my mom with this I am full force into helping her with a ladies only shower. So relieved to hear so many of your husbands wouldn’t want to go! He has been super supportive of the entire pregnancy, shower parties just aren’t his thing. Even if we made it a backyard BBQ style, he just isn’t as social and would probably be bored. I see no need in forcing him to a party where he wouldn’t have fun, plus it would make the guest list go from 40 to like 90 and that is not in the budget of my host. Hopefully none of my guests would mine leaving their husbands / boyfriends behind and having a ladies lunch. 🙂
I mean I think a “ladies shower” is weird because it implies that a) women always care about babies but b) men do not care about babies and by extension that c) the father won’t be an equal partner in child rearing. That’s a pretty uncomfortable message to send. Are you ok with that?
if you are just asking what the statistical norm is, it’s going to vary a lot by region. Where I live they are pretty much always co-es at least in the college educated set. But in parts of the USA that treat raising children as “women’s work” I imagine they are more likely single gender.
I’ve never been invited to a baby shower that had men..
There is no problem at all with inviting the mother-to-be’s close friends and family members. I’ve never attended any that were co-ed, though spouses sometimes made an appearance at the end.
If you are concerned about issues the only one you have is that traditionally family members don’t host since it’s considered like asking for gifts. In my circles only a friend, group of friends or a friend of the family would host a bridal or baby shower. More liberal etiquette is not opposed, but it gets sticky when the guest of honor is involved. You should really not be organizing and planning your own party beyond suggesting guests, providing dates, and contact info.
personaperson : I prefer co-ed showers (wedding, baby, house, etc). Excluding someone based on their genitals is very weird to me.
temeculabride : “It’s a baby shower: I don’t think we’ll be using our vaginas for anything at the party.”
I think you said you didn’t like this article, but that’s hilarious, and totally true.
personaperson : I’m a college educated woman and will not be the only person raising this child. But that doesn’t mean my husband wants to attend a party, play weird games, open gifts and be bored. I was asking for opinions yes and thank you for sharing because I want to know how my guests may perceive it, but I highly doubt every person who commented to me that they’ve only been to women only showers live in areas where child rearing is only “womens work”. We have been to a few co-ed showers and most of the men were bored and did not enjoy themselves as we ate cake, guessed the chocolate in diapers (I hate this and will not be doing it) and opened gifts.
weddingmaven : I see your point, but if my mother offers to throw her only daughter (my sister died) a baby shower for her first grandchild I am supposed to say no because it shouldn’t be family? My mom works 60 hours a week and I am helping how I can. I am really only providing her the guest list at this point but that is exactly what this thread is about – ladies only or co-ed. Budget wise, she can really only host women as it would be 30-40 people and opening it up to the men would make it more like my wedding at 75-80.