Ladies Only Baby Shower

posted 5 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
12214 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

temeculabride :  Oops, I meant to say there is no problem at all with inviting just the women. 

Post # 32
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

temeculabride :  ok, but why would WOMEN want to attend a party where they are bored, play weird games, and sit around and watch people open gifts?

Instead of excusing one group of people from what does indeed sound awful based on their genitalia, why not…….make the party not boring so people of either gender want to be there rather than treating it as a hostage situation people have to attend if they have vaginas but only if they have vaginas?

(Hint- NOBODY likes watching people open gifts. Its boring. Just like NOBODY likes the weird chocolate game you described. It’s not a special trait of men to be disinterested in these activities) 

Post # 33
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I mean I personally hate ladies only showers because I find them incredibly boring. No one wants to sit around in a fancy dress and watch someone open gifts. Seriously, the games, the forced awkward socializing with random women you don’t know, it all sucks. It’s not fair women have to go but men get a pass. Hell no. For any showers I plan to have I’m doing a co-ed casual bbq style where men and women come and actually have a good time mingling and hanging out like a normal bbq it’s just themed baby. Because it is possible to make it actually fun where everyone wants to come. 

That article was spot on in my opinion and when I get ladies only shower invites I try to find excuses to not go. That’s how boring they are. Literally all of the people who commented about what the men got to do while the women were at the shower sounded like exactly what I wish I could join. So no, the men don’t get a pass to drink beers, it’s their kid too. 

My wedding shower is co-ed because again, Boring And if I have to be there to greet guests and mingle than so should my fiancé. I refuse to suffer through it by myself. I’m not the only one having a baby and I’m not the only one getting married. Doing it co ed isn’t his families normal style so I’ve had to explain why I want co ed but now he realizes there is no reason it can’t be like any other fun family gathering or bbq if we do it right. 

temeculabride :  

Post # 34
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Hahha just read your comment after I posted mine. Amen! personaperson :  

Post # 36
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

  temeculabride :  ok? I don’t really see why holding the event at a restaurant means it has to be boring. Surely we have all been to events at restaurants that don’t bore the heck out of all their participants. Was your graduation party boring for all concerned? If not, why not do it however you did that event?

And there are plenty of ways to make the guest list smaller that don’t divide by gender. For example, you could limit it to people with whom you have a closer relationship.

(conversely I don’t understand at all why somebody would think it inappropriate for your mother to organize the event. Thi king of that as marking the distinction between a celebration and a gift grab seems silly. It sounds like a lovely and special thing for your mother to put together to ho or you and your husbands impending parenthood!)

Post # 37
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

weddingmaven :  Thas weird though because let’s say a sister hosts the gifts wouldn’t be for her so how is it like her asking for gifts? Also close friends can be just like family and involved in the babies life so it shouldn’t be a hard and fast rule.

Post # 38
Member
12214 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

soexcited123 :  Traditional etiquette feels that a relative throwing a gift giving party for anything other than a child’s birthday is inappropriate because it’s self serving and like asking for presents for one of your own. That’s because the family is considered the most likely source of help for a newly married couple to establish themselves. Children are given the exception because birthday parties are a way for them to practice being a good host, etc. As I said “contemporary” or liberal etiquette does not take issue with it.

Post # 39
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

weddingmaven :  I know its not your rule but the rule doesn’t make sense because if im throwing my sister a baby shower the gifts would go to her baby so she wouldn’t be receiving the gifts… Now if someone was throwing a shower for themselves I could get it because you would in that case be asking for gifts for yourself.

Post # 40
Member
12214 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

soexcited123 :  Again, traditionally it would fall on the family to step in and help out a newly married couple set up their home. Having family throw a gift giving party was/is seem as self serving in that respect since it would benefit them. 

Post # 41
Member
4121 posts
Honey bee

This is how my experience have been regarding showers:

  • In TV shows, movies, here at the weddingbees, Pinterest and magazines, it’s always a women’s only event. There are no men invited. The venue is always at a restaurant, event hall or country club.
  • In my real life experience, it has always been both men and women guests. The shower always takes place at someone’s house. 

temeculabride :  

Post # 42
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

weddingmaven :  oh come on, who are we kidding? Holding ANY party in which gifts are expected is self serving, whoever is theoretically hosting. Unless the recipient is being kidnapped and brought in without her/his knowledge it’s being full well done with the idea they will be given gifts of stuff they want, and that’s the whole point. If it wasn’t self serving, you would insisted gifts would not be accepted (some people do, and those really ARENT self-serving) Given that these shenanigans over who is “hosting” are just silliness. Whether your friend hosts or your cousin hosts, it’s just a way to ask people to buy stuff for that person. The rest is just dressing to giddy that fact up by pretending otherwise.

That may be “traditional etiquette” but if so, traditional etiquette is stupidness and we should pay it no regard. If it’s ok for your friend to requestrian other people give you gifts, it’s ok for your mom to requestrian other people give you gifts and ok (the horrors!) for you to requestrian they give you gifts. If it’s not ok for you to request other people give you gifts, it’s not ok for your friend to. Pretending your friend is doing it and gosh gee Willikers you didn’t expect it or invite it or participate in planning it at all is a marks shell game trick of no value add to anyone.

Post # 43
Member
12214 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

personaperson :  A friend or friends have no self interest of their own in hosting a shower. It’s for the benefit of the bride, or couple. 

Showers were frequently surprises. No kidnapping was involved. Even when planned, it’s not selfish to accept gifts from people who have told you they want to give them to you. That’s a reach. 

Post # 44
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

weddingmaven :  nobody in the modern era realistically believes showers are surprises for the person being showered. The friend is very clearly their “representative” in  planning. Who the heck makes the baby registry? Not the friend, and we all know it.

Post # 45
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

And I didn’t say it WAS selfish to accept a gift— I said pretending it makes a difference to the ok ness of accepting the gift who serves as the host for the event is silliness to which we in the modern era should pay no bother.

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