(Closed) Ladies TTC- Does your spouse give you pressure?

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Good question and a great topic.

I do not think my Darling Husband will pressure me at all, and we have discussed how we will “talk” about TTC and pregnancy. We agreed that once we decide on a month to TTC, we will leave the rest to nature and will not discuss days I’m ovulating, when my period is expected, if I’m late, if i’ve tested etc. Obviously we know we’ll be doing the deed more which is fine, but i don’t plan on telling him “honey i’m ovulating today!!” or anything like that. I just think it takes the fun/romance/surprise out of it if/when a BFP happens. Makes it a little more “technical” if you will.

I asked him if he wanted me to tell him the months that a BFP didn’t happen, and he said yes. I know he will be there for support and encouragment for the next months and not dwell on it.

Can you have a similar discussion with your DH? Perhaps suggest that now that you are planning on TTC, that you two can do your thing together and that you really don’t want the pressure of all the questions as it might stress you out? Perhaps you can chat about what you are willing to discuss/talk about/question monthly but have some “rules” that you think will help ease your stress/anticipation?

Post # 4
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Take The Reins:  I’m so sorry this is something you’re worrying about (either because of an irrational fear or a reality!)  My Darling Husband also desperately wants to have children, so I know where you’re coming from.

I would say that having an open conversation would be the best.  Let him know that THE AVERAGE healthy couple takes 6-9 months to conceive- AVERAGE!!:)  Also, stress is directly linked to delayed ovulation and elongated cycles, so if you’re feeling pressure or stress, it won’t help the process at all.

As for the sexual pressure, I think that if you show him that there are really only about 7-10 days that are “important” in a cycle, it may help.  My Darling Husband wanted to BD every day and I finally clued him in that it doesn’t increase the chances of having a child quickly.  I also have heard  that, biologically, the days that you are the most fertile are the days that you will feel more “into” it.  Are you on hormonal BCP’s right now? Once you’re off of them, you might notice a difference in your sex drive.

Most importantly, if you’re feeling pressured or you’re just not ready then you MUST get on the same page with Darling Husband.  There is nothing more important than feeling 100% ready to take on the challenges of TTC, pregnancy, and parenting.

Good luck:)

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

It’s interesting to think about it from a man’s side as in most cases, the woman is usually the one pressuring, stressing and over thinking TTC. I think if you educate your husband and maybe yourself too a little a lot of your concerns can be resolved. For instance you really only need to have sex 3 times around your ovualtion, symptom spotting is really just a way of driving yourself nuts and it’s better to actually wait to test then keep asking yourself questions, and I would communicate ahead of time about his reaction to your period and how it may have a negative impact on your mental status.

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Take The Reins:  My best friends husband has baby fever. I didn’t mention it before, but he does make her feel worse by having an outward reaction every time she doesn’t get pregnant. He’s also accussed her of not wanting to or somehow stopping herself from getting pregnant at times. They have been trying for quite a long time and she is not to keen on the idea of medical intervention. It does cause a lot of stress in their relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Darling Husband is the same,he desperately wants children, even more than me lol! He doesnt put any huge pressure on me,not in any verbal physical or emotional way,but I can tell by his disappointment each month we dont get that BFP how much it hurts him.

I guess the only pressure is not from Darling Husband but more from myself. He was very eager at the start to discuss things all the time,try and figure out why we didnt get a BFP,until I sat him down and told him,that it makes me feel very pressured and at fault almost. Since then hes been much more supportive in a much more productive way. So it all comes from my psychology in a way, I feel like he gets frustrated,so then I get frustrated with myself,and wonder why,if somethings wrong with me etc. But we talk it out,and it all seems much more positive and better once weve put our feelings into words 🙂

Post # 11
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Darling Husband was really eager to have babies. He was bummed every time I got my period, but no more than me. It really helped that I did a ton of research, and shared what I learned with him–how long it takes a perfectly healthy couple to conceive, for example, and that there were only a few days during the month that we could even get pregnant. He’s a stats guy, so having numbers about how hard it actually is to get pregnant kept him calm (and much more optimistic than me). Maybe making sure you’re BOTH educated on the process will ease any pressure you might be feeling. 

Post # 13
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

The other thing you might want to start doing is charting…at least your temperature. Then have your FH read up on that and know exactly when the most fertile time is so that he’s not bugging you every other day to have sex when you’re only on cycle day 4. 

I would definitely have a talk with him though if you start to feel pressure from him. Just let him know that you understand that he’s excited, but the added stress can be detrimental toward the process of TTC. It might not happen right away. When it didn’t for my Darling Husband and me, we were devastated, but b/c we both wanted it so badly. But my Darling Husband was my rock through everything…and your Darling Husband needs to be the same without pressuring you.

Post # 15
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MRSLMA:  

My Darling Husband wanted to BD every day and I finally clued him in that it doesn’t increase the chances of having a child quickly.

lol, my Darling Husband would love to BD every day regardless! 

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