(Closed) Ladies who have been emotionally cheated on

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

Counseling. 🙂 Lots of arguements, counseling, and time passing. Our incident occurred almost 2 years ago but I didn’t learn that it had even happened till this year. So the hurt was very fresh and destroyed my trust for a while because it becomes a whole “what else do I not know” thing. It’s not totally healed but we’re much better off now. Time, counseling, rinse and repeat. That’s been the cure for me.

Post # 4
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Work and Time. And a renewed commitment. We had a very immature period at the beginning of our relationship (granted…we were 18/19 and 20/21) and it’s taken a while to get over it. I think really the key is for it NOT to happen again. We still have little bits of the past sneak into current disagreements, but I feel that’s natural. It’ll never completely go away, but it does serve to remind us how far we’ve come. It’s been 3-ish years. We chose not to give up because we both realized we were young and inexperienced at the whole “adult relationship” thing. Which is why I don’t always think people should call it quits. Granted….it really depends on the extent of what happens, some things are inexcusable. But anyways.

Post # 6
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

@USAandKSA: The silver lining to bad habits is they can be stopped and replaced with better habits. 🙂 It’s just like most things where you weigh the positives and the negatives and whether or not it it’s in your best interests, you create a plan and move forward. Not saying it’s not a tough situation. But depending on what occurred, it can be fixed.

Post # 7
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think my relationship endured his cheating but we went about it wrong. He cheated for 4 months with a mutual friend – no sex, but still, the intimacy was there.

I don’t think he ever truly understood what he did and that was a big thing. He let me be emotional and broken for the first few days, maybe a week, and then began fighting with me. It was over, I won, he chose me, it was a mistake, he knew it, why was I holding it over his head, why wouldn’t I let him move on, etc.

Looking back, I had every right to be upset with him and “hold it over his head” cause it had only been a week and this girl was a good friend of mine but at the time, I loved him and he made me feel guilty so I bottled up my feelings after that and tried to not be jealous…he even maintained his friendship with her.

We fought on and off about it for over a year, and then things seemed to be fixed until a couple of years later because she had moved away, moved back, and he started talking to her again and asked her to sing in his band. Again, he convinced me I was being unreasonable so I fought with myself to let it go.

I don’t believe he ever cheated on me after that one time, but after the long haul to resolve MY feelings, issues began to arise in HIM. WHen i thought things were finally good, he began to suspect that I was being unfaithful and regularly accused me of cheating (which I never did). He never questioned my loyalty before.

Long story short, if you truly want to kill this demon, you HAVE to work together. You absolutely cannot dismiss eachother – don’t let him guilt you into accepting it and don’t constantly belittle him for his mistake. This is one area, I would advise counseling for because it’s incredibly difficult to weather on your own.

 

Post # 8
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

This is how my marriage ended.  Started with an emotional cheating.  We did counseling, worked together, seemed great.  Then, a real physical cheating.  And another emotional cheat.  So, I walked.  To this day he wants me back but I wouldn’t go back if I were paid $1,000,000. 

i think it can be overcome, but it’s not easy.  Definitely counseling is in order.  The first time it took me about 2 years to really get past it.  Only for it to happen again in a few years. 

I hope it doesn’t turn out that way for you, and it probably won’t….but please keep your eyes wide open.  My ex claimed he would “do anything” to save the marriage. 

If I had it to do over again, I would have walked the first time.  But how do you know these things, right?  Hindsight is 50/50.

I’m in a relationship now with someone (3 years and two months) and I will walk if it happens with him.  No questions asked….I’ll simply walk. 

Post # 9
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

LOL – I meant to say Hindsight is 20/20…..  ha ha ha.  This subject is so “raw” to me still I can’t think straight. 

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