- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 1998
It seems like an overwhelming number of women who have only been with one or two partners have done so for religious or moral reasons — they could have had the opportunity to sleep with more people, but chose to limit it.
I’m curious about the opinions of people who fall into those categories, but also those of us who fall into some of the others — concerns about disease or pregnancy, issues with self-esteem that kept you out of the sack with more folks, or even other reasons that I’m not thinking about.
Why did you have a limited number of sexual partners? Looking back, do you now regret that decision (was it worth it)? Do you sometimes wonder about the grass on the other side?
Initially, my reasons had more to do with fears about pregnancy and STIs. Prior to meeting my first boyfriend, there was another guy who seemed very interested in me (perhaps his constant “Are you a virgin?” questions tipped me off. I was 18 or 19 around this time). Had I met him more than twice before bailing, he probably would’ve wanted a little somethin’ somethin’.
Met my first boyfriend at 19, knew pretty quickly that he was crap and he wouldn’t be there for me if things fell through. I think he was very frustrated by the lack of action. I ended up leaving him.
Met my husband not very long after that encounter, and he’s the only person I’ve ever had sex with. During the course of our relationship, an older employee at one of my internships developed a very obvious interest in me (he had about 10 years on me; I was in my early 20s). The last time that we saw each other, he laid all of his cards out: essentially, dump your boyfriend, date me, come to my place sometime, and leading up to that, he’d dropped some sexual innuendo that I really should’ve picked up on at the time. My self-esteem at that time was such crap that I thought he was just being “nice” to me. It wasn’t until I went back through some of his Voicemails and texts later that I realized how interested he was.
Posting this thread and going through that has actually been a self-esteem boost for me. Maybe on account of being pregnant, or just dealing with lifelong low self-esteem and rejection, it actually felt good to acknowledge that there were a decent number of men who wanted to be with me (in one way or the other). To some degree, I feel like a low count just happened to me: I happened to meet my husband when I was relatively young, and he happened to be the last person I dated, so I only slept with him.
It’s a nice reminder to look back and remember that I had an opportunity with at least one other, and likely up to two additional men, but chose not to. I guess I’ve been feeling a little powerless in my life lately.
So, what about you?