(Closed) Ladies with Low Counts — Why?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Why Do You Have Few Partners? (Pick the Most Applicable)
    Religious or Moral Reasons (i.e., being raised to believe it was wrong) : (53 votes)
    45 %
    Lack of Options (Dated very few people/felt I couldn't have more) : (41 votes)
    35 %
    Self-Esteem and/or Sexual Dysfunction : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Fear of Consequences (i.e., Pregnancy, STIs) : (21 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 31
    283 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    CookieCreamCakes:  Like the weirdest options on the poll ever :/ I just didn’t want to deal with emotional baggage of being really intimate with someone, so even though I dated many people before Fiance and had countless opportunities, I sort of just waited until I knew that it was the time/person I trusted, which was Fiance. I had no interest in dealing with someone who didn’t care about me the same way I cared about them, and when I care for someone it is for life. Simple as that.

    Post # 32
    302 posts
    Helper bee

    My Fiance is the ony person I have ever been with. And it just sort of happened that way and I have no regrets or desires to have done anything differently. I’ve gotten asked about this before. Usually from single friends. ‘Don’t you want other experiences? Don’t you want to know what it would be like with someone else?’. And the answer is nope. Never ever crosses my mind. Just because I only have sex with one person doesn’t mean my sex life is bad, and I think that’s somehting my habitually single friends don’t really understand. I actually think sleeping around or bragging about sexual escapades is pretty gross, and nothing to be proud of. (That goes for BOTH genders.) But generally I try to keep those opinions to myself.

    Post # 33
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I didn’t answer the poll as none of these apply to me.  

    I had lots of opportunities, but for me I want to reserve sex to a committed, monogamous relationship.  That’s just how I’m wired.  I don’t share my innermost self with just anyone and I chose not to share my body that way either.  I had one long term relationship in my late teens to my late twenties, and then was single for a while and then met/dated/married my husband.  I’m good with my choices and experiences.  

    Post # 34
    4524 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    None of those, I guess. I have had premarital sex. I can’t say the guys flock around me, but as a decent looking woman on a college campus I could have gotten some had I wanted to. My self esteem is not great in general, but not really a factor either, and I’m sexually functional. I suppose fear of Save-The-Date Cards and pregnancy played a small role, as I will not have sex without protection or with untrusted partners.

    I suppose it’s just how my life unfolded. I didn’t date much. Fiance is only the 7th person I kissed

    Post # 35
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’m just a very private person and it takes a lot for me to be close/intimate with someone. I can’t open up to someone (emotionally OR sexually) unless I know them well. Therefore, it limited my amount of partners over the years. 

    Post # 36
    2866 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    CookieCreamCakes:  You don’t have a nigh standards option or one for people who are serial monagamists (me)

    Post # 37
    2866 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    CookieCreamCakes:  Low self esteem often leads to a higher number of partners (hooking up with anyone who is interested because you think it means you are attractive)

    Post # 38
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    CookieCreamCakes:  I have only slept with an ex and my Darling Husband. Simple reason for me I dated my ex throughout high school and then we broke up when I was 18. I met my Darling Husband soon after and we have been together since then.

    In that inbetween time I had the opportunity to sleep around. I went out a lot and there were a few times, but I couldnt do a one night stand. I needed to have a connection.

    I’ve never really wondered what I’ve missed out on. I don’t really think your number matters that much.

    Post # 39
    3356 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I was raised to save myself for marriage (but ended up not waiting till marriage anyway) but I think my intense paranoia of getting pregnant stopped me from doing more. I’ve only been with Darling Husband, and that was stressful enough.

    Post # 40
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Not having read the replies, my answer is “none of the above”.

    I realised quite quickly that casual sex usually results in hurt feelings in the end… not necessarily my feelings… not necessarily the woman’s feelings… not necessarily suicide inducing misery or anything… but if you do it enough, someone will end up being a little bit hurt. I just didn’t want to risk hurting someone else’s feelings, even a little bit. It really was as innocent as that. Nothing to do with pregnancy or Save-The-Date Cards… because I was smart enough to know that we have a magical thing called birth control, which is free on the NHS.

    I don’t regret it… it’s not as if penises have magical powers and that you get a prize for collecting them all.

    Having got older and seen more things, I have come to the conclusion that sleeping around is just another way in which we engage with our disposable society. We have disposable clothes, disposable cups… and disposable people, who you can just pick up for a night without engaging with them in any meaningful way. It just seems like… a way to avoid making meaningful connections to me. And life is too short for that. So I suppose I could say “moral reasons”… but they aren’t the typical moral reasons, and I only started thinking this way a few years ago, when I was already with Darling Husband. I didn’t think this way as a teenager. Indeed, I even flirted with the idea that casual sex was a feminist weapon of empowerment, once… daft as it sounds now…

    Post # 41
    11461 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    My commitment to wait until marriage to have sex was based on my strong, faith-based belief that God designed and intends sex to be shared within a marriage relationship only.  However, although my thoughts on this clearly are rooted in my understanding of Scripture and God’s will, they actually encompass a number of extremely practical reasons as well.

    When I was younger (both in age and in my walk with God), I at times struggled in this area in terms of compromising beyond kissing in several of my more serious relationships. By the time I met my Darling Husband, however, I wanted to obey God fully in this area of my life, and my Darling Husband did as well.  Because of that, we were fully committed to doing nothing but kissing until we were married.

    I can honestly say that I have NO regrets whatsoever about what I did NOT do. However, I DO have some regret that I compromised at all beyond kissing with some others prior to marrying my Darling Husband, since I believe that I was not honoring God or the other person in those situations.

    Post # 42
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016 - Highfield House, Stanley, Tasmania

    None of these poll options apply, I am a virgin because I am demisexual. Also, I can’t legally engage in sexual activities until I am 17. 

    Post # 43
    581 posts
    Busy bee

    Lack of interest.

    I haven’t been attracted to/interested in very many people.

    On the brightside, I’ve slept with everyone I’ve ever wanted to sleep with.

    Post # 44
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee

    I knew from a fairly long age that I didn’t want to lose my virginty to someone I was friends with. I didn’t want the awkwardness as I know that it’s extremely rare that anyone’s first relationship actually lasts forever (plus I wanted to experiment a little bit). So I just waited for the opportunity to come up for a one night stand, basically. I already knew the person and had his number, but we’d never hung out outside of parties. 

    I wish I would have done it earlier though. I definitely could have used some more experience before I met my SO.

    Post # 45
    4047 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    The poll options don’t quite fit for me. I didn’t sleep with anyone in high school because of lack of options I guess. Anyone who was single was single for a reason! I also didn’t know how to put myself together and wasn’t much of a catch looks-wise. And I was a little loud and overly confident.

    Then I happened to sleep with a guy who was really great and we got married a few years later.

    So I guess it is partly because of lack of options, but also because I began dating Darling Husband early on and struck gold. If I hadn’t met him so early on, or if we hadn’t worked out, my count would be higher. Either way I’m not fussed. I’m content with my low count I guess, but I would have been fine making some more rounds.

    The topic ‘Ladies with Low Counts — Why?’ is closed to new replies.

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