(Closed) Ladies with Low Counts — Why?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Why Do You Have Few Partners? (Pick the Most Applicable)
    Religious or Moral Reasons (i.e., being raised to believe it was wrong) : (53 votes)
    45 %
    Lack of Options (Dated very few people/felt I couldn't have more) : (40 votes)
    34 %
    Self-Esteem and/or Sexual Dysfunction : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Fear of Consequences (i.e., Pregnancy, STIs) : (21 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee

    I just think that our bodies are one of the only things that are really, truly ours, and we shouldn’t just let anyone who says “I love you,” have an all-access pass.

    My SO is the only one I’ve made love to, and to be honest, he’s the only one who’s deserved it.

    Post # 47
    Member
    9756 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I originally wanted to wait until marriage for religious reasons, but changed my mind once I started dating, and decided I wanted it to only be with the One, the person I would marry. I don’t think that was for religious reasons per se, just didn’t want to have sex with multiple people. I certainly wasn’t raised to believe it was wrong, I knew both my parents had had sex with other people before each other. I just didn’t want that for me, I wanted it to only be with the person I would share my life with. Luckily I found Fiance at a young age, so it wasn’t like I was going through years of dating and avoiding sex.

    Post # 48
    Member
    3075 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    I don’t think I have a high count, but I met Darling Husband young (still am) :3  . Do I wonder? Tbh sometimes but not enough to do anything about it. Plus Darling Husband & I know each other so more comfortable :p

    Post # 49
    Member
    1152 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    The comments about so many bees being “young” (under 25) therefore leading to lower counts is interesting to me.  I fall into the category (barely) and I become monogamous with my Fiance when I was almost 21 but in those couple years of college my number became much higher than any quoted here so far.

    Not sure if age is a huge factor – maybe environment?  Sex was definitely viewed (in my social circles) as just a thing and not an emotional attachment or precursor to a relationship.

    Post # 50
    Member
    4509 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I guess lack of options is the closest for me, but it’s not really accurate… I was a virgin when I started dating Darling Husband at 17 and we never broke up, so he’s my sole sex partner.

    It was just chance for me – if I had been single in college, I might’ve hooked up with others, but I don’t know for sure.

    Post # 51
    Member
    930 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m another one that can’t vote, because your options are very biased and have a negative lens on them. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Quality over quantity! Where’s that poll option? 

    Post # 53
    Member
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Ha ha, you seem to really come from teh point of view that having fewer sexual partners is a bad thing!

    I don’t clearly fall into any of your categories, but I selected the moral option.  I don’t think it’s morally wrong to have sex casucally, but I don’t think it’s the right choice for me.  For sex is an intimate expression that I only want to share with someone who I’m very close with and trust.  Besides my Darling Husband, I’ve only slept with two other men, both of which I had long term relationships with.

    I’m proud to have a low number and I think in many cases it’s a sign of high self esteam, not low. I know what i want and I didn’t let other people pressure me into chaning that, or use me for what they wanted.

    Post # 54
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I just happen to think sex is better when there is a strong emotional connection. I guess I should have chosen self esteem, but that really isn’t what the problem is. I don’t have low self esteem in the bedroom, I just don’t feel comfortable being that physically intimate with someone that I am not emotionally intimate with. I guess my reason is just that I am awkward. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    683 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I picked moral reasond but really it was because I wanted respect. I hated that prople judged me by my looks. I had plenty of options and boyfriends but didn’t put out so it never lasted long. I didn’t regeet it and still don’t because I know those options were only interested in that. I’m more than sex and expexted to be treated as such.

     

    Post # 56
    Member
    2493 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    When I was younger and dating my ex, I honestly thought I was going to wait until marriage to be intimate. It wasn’t a religious choice or because I was afraid of STIs, but because I felt it was just the right decision for me. I wanted it to be special. HOWEVER, when I met my now-DH, all of that went out the window. Something with him just ~clicked~ and I asked him to spend the night on our first date (he politely declined, as he had to drive 3 hours to work the next morning). We slept together before we hit a month together.

    ETA: We got together when I was 18.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  .
    Post # 57
    Member
    1225 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Rachel631: I didn’t realize condoms were free in the UK.

    Just FYI, “birth control” doesn’t necessarily help prevent Save-The-Date Cards. Condoms prevent Save-The-Date Cards and are a form of contraception which is a type of birth control but they are not the only form of birth control.

    Post # 58
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    franklymydearidont:  They are free through free clinics for the under 25s, and publically funded women’s centres, where the supply is aimed at low income groups. I pay for mine, because although I am eligible, I don’t think it’s right that I should claim free services when I can afford to pay for them…

    You can also obtain them through a prescription (in theory… although I can’t imagine anyone who would actually do this). In theory, all birth control is supplied free of charge. The idea is that unwanted children are a burden on state services, and contraceptives are considerably cheaper to supply. Most of the time, however, free birth control prescriptions are only issued for BCP and implants. For example, when I got my implant, I got a prescription, took it to the pharmacy and traded it for a device, and then returned to the GP to have it implanted. All free of charge from start to finish.

    …. but yes, I would hope that no grown woman honestly believes that a non-barrier form of contraception will protect them from STDs!

    Post # 59
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    CookieCreamCakes:  

    Your worth as a person is not determined by how many men you have slept with.

    What is making you feel powerless just now?

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