(Closed) Ladies~need your advice!!

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
11277 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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That bothers me too–the keeping the OP from her friends.  There is definitely something wrong here.

I’m also worried about his “big thing” is keeping info about their relationship a secret.

Is there some kind of abuse going on here?  Emotional, verbal, sexual, physical, economic?

Post # 18
2023 posts
Buzzing bee

I know that this isn’t the most generic answer, but I would be giving the ring back to him and asking him to hold onto it for when he’s really ready. I would also continue to try and seek counseling for him, or perhaps you could find some informative books that you could share with him about depression if you feel this is the cause. Remind him that you are there for him and that you are a team and that you respect his feelings towards privacy about personal issues, but that privacy screen goes up for everyone else and not for you. He needs to stop skirting around whatever is bothering him and talk to you. He wouldn’t have proposed to you had he not wanted to spend the rest of his life with and share everything with you and I think somehow he’s lost sight of that.

If he doesn’t start opening up to you in a reasonable amount of time (reasonable is to be based on your judgement and not my own) then I would consider selling your wedding dress/veil/shoes if possible and consider moving out on your own for awhile. It doesn’t mean that you can’t/shouldn’t still talk with him, but if he is not going to be your partner in life, then you need to start focusing more on taking care of numero uno again. After awhile this will wear on you and if you can’t help yourself, you can’t help anyone else. Unfortunately, some people don’t want to be helped and this may be the case and you and only you will have to make the decision to deal with this or give up.

I’m normally the girl to say to the other “waiting” girls that it will happen when he’s ready and so on, but he’s already proposed. That was his commitment to you, and if he doesn’t intend on following through with that, then the commitment needs to be taken off the table and reevaluated.

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