(Closed) Lady In Waiting

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you should leave, he seems like a good guy. it seems to me that he doesn’t understand how important this is to you. 

Post # 5
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

How long have you two been together?

Post # 6
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d never leave a good guy just because he was slow to get engaged, and I don’t suggest you do either. It takes some of them more time than others. If you’ve got a really good guy, and it sounds like you do, you are one of the few lucky women in the world. Let it take the time it takes to make it official, but don’t throw him away for a guy who’s faster to the draw but a letdown where it really counts!

Post # 7
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@BananaLady30:  I don’t think you should leave. Two and a half years is not really that long.

Post # 8
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I don’t think you should leave. Just talk to him about how you feel. Maybe he doesn’t realize that when you talked about getting married that this was a now thing not later on down the road.

Post # 11
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

@BananaLady30:  

How can you leave him if you love him and he’s good to you and your daughter? Is being called a “wife” rather than a “girlfriend” really so important to you that you’d throw away the love you have for each other? Do you really think you’ll find someone like him after you leave him?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, and I’ve been living with him for most of that time. Sure, there have been times where it’s been difficult to wait for marriage with this person because I love him more than life itself. But, I wait because I don’t doubt him, question him, or wonder if it will happen. I KNOW it will happen. I don’t know exactly when, where or how…but I certainly know WHY…we love each other. If you love him, and you know he loves you, wait for him. How do you know he’s not already planning something? How do you know he doesn’t want to surprise you? Don’t give up on the love you have for one another. Big things take time.

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Skylifer:  For some people, marriage is non-negotiable. You shouldn’t be trying to make OP feel bad if, for her, it is.

Reasons why marriage actually does matter:

– In a number of ways, children in cohabiting households do significantly worse than in households in which the parents are married–and the effect is comparable to the difference between married parents and single parents. Children who grow up in intact, married families are significantly more likely to graduate from high school, finish college, become gainfully employed, and enjoy a stable family life themselves, compared to their peers who grow up in nonintact families. Cohabiting couples have a lower level of household income, and a higher level of child abuse and domestic violence. The porportion of cohabiting mothers who eventually marry the fathers of their children is only 44 percent.*

– Men in cohabitating relationships are 4 times more likely to be unfaithful than husbands and that women in cohabitating relationships are 8 times more likely to cheat than are wives.**

– People who cohabit do not enjoy the same health benefits as married couples. Also, relationship quality is higher among married people than cohabitors. ***

– Cohabiting couples are at least twice as likely to break up as married couples are. ****

-Not every man eventually proposes. Not every man who SAYS he is going to propose, proposes, and every year one waits lowers those odds. It also lowers the odds that the relationship will continue to work if marriage DOES eventually happen.*****

…..So no. It’s NOT just about being called a “wife” rather than a “girlfriend”. Besides, at the end of the day, isn’t the question “Why shouldn’t he want to marry her within a reasonable amount of time, if he really loves her?” equally as salient as the question of “If you really love him, why won’t you stay with him despite his resistance to marriage?” The only difference is that a desire to marry tends to dovetail nicely with the concept of being in love. Not wanting to marry, or being perenially not-ready… usually doesn’t.

*University of Virginia
**The National Sex Survey
***The Atlantic
****Time Magazine
***** Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Post # 14
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Skylifer:  I would ask you:  Why are you staying with a man who won’t marry you?  If marriage isn’t important, why are you waiting for it to happen?  Why don’t you just accept that it never will?

Post # 16
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@BananaLady30:  As a former elementary school teacher I will warn that the relationships young girls see when growing up dictate the ones they will form later. If he leaves later, this may cause her to seek out father figures. If he never marries you and she sees that this hurts you she may commit to easily in the future. Sometimes with children what you want should take a back seat.

Just something to think about, no judgement here!

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