(Closed) Laid off… rude to disinvite?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

whens the wedding? if the wedding is like in may then i dont think it will be rude if you don’t send him an invite. i wouldnt go as far as "disinviting" him..just casually not sending him an invite would be good. he probably wont be expecting one. HOWEVER, if you think he could open doors for you down the line with possible future employment, then i would say inviting hime would be worth the "investment."

Post # 4
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Very sorry to hear about the lay off. What is your relationship like now with your boss? Was he nasty about the situation? Was he tactful and regretful that he had to do this and offer help giving you references etc? If it’s a big company there’s a very good chance this wasn’t even his idea and he just had to do what he was told.

If he was a jerk I’d say just quietly do not send the invite. If he was the latter, I think you should send it. At some point you obviously felt close enough or that you liked him enough to invite him to a destination wedding. You never know when you will cross paths again, need a reference etc. and sending the invitation shows that you know the layoff was "business" that you’re a professional and that you don’t take it personally.

Post # 5
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I think you should invite him. Given the circumstances, I would guess he won’t come. If he wasn’t sure he’d come because of his kids, I’d say he is definitely out now. As a destination wedding bride, I haven’t had anyone hint they might not come… and then RSVP yes. If they’re sending signs like that early in the game, chances are they are a no anyway.

Post # 6
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I sort of doubt he will come – particularly if he was only iffy when you still worked for him.  So all you are out is the invitation, and maybe he will feel bad enough about you being laid off to send a really nice present even if he doesn’t come.

Honestly, if you only invited him because you worked for him, and not because you had any kind of social relationship, you probably shouldn’t have invited him anyway.  All kinds of things can happen in the 6 months to a year that it takes to plan a wedding.  You got laid off, but he could have been transferred to a new group, or you could have.  A good idea is to limit the work invitations to only those who you believe would still be your friends even if you didn’t work together anymore.

However, since you sort of already did (STD) I would go ahead and send the invitation – unless, as stated above, he was so awful to you about the layoff that you would never work for him again.  It’s a nice gesture as far as maintaining a reasonably good relationship – and makes it look like you invited him because you really liked him, not just because he was the boss and you were kissing up.  And as said before, it doesn’t hurt to have him on your side – he may have to give a recommendation for you, or may have contacts that would help you get another job.  There’s no percentage in being discourteous at this point.

Post # 7
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I am sorry to hear that. Keep in mind that you still need a good reference for future jobs. I would still invite him/her as you already send out the Save-The-Date Cards. It hurts but after 5 years with this company you should try to maintain a good relationship with the company and especially your boss if you have never had any major issues.

Post # 8
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I know it hurts right now, but with the current economy, he probably had no choice.  I doubt he will come, so it will be the higher road if you invite him…sans-kids, though!  😉

Post # 9
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009 - University of Michigan Union

I think you should send the invite. I’m sorry to hear about the lay off! I have been laid off for 6 months now and am really hoping to find something soon! That’s great that you have notice, so you can get a head start on the job search! 

Post # 10
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I say just send an invite. I’m sure he won’t come as he already hinted at it AND you won’t be working together anymore.

Post # 11
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

This is going to be of no help, I think but I’ve thought this one over, and think that the RIGHT thing to do is invite him (and like PP said, he probably wont come)… but I really feel like if I were you in this situation, I would not invite him.  Even if it wasn’t proper ettiquette.  I think it would fend off any "uncomfortableness" on both your ends.  The fact that your boss is male also eases the blow (I think a woman would be more apt to notice the "etiquette booboo").  I know in my heart if I were in this situation I wouldn’t invite him, even if technically, I should.  When one door closes, another opens, and I hope that you find another fabulous job!

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Since the boss will be a reference and who knows how he might help in the future you should either a) send the invite or b) tell him that since your circumstances have changed (no job) that you have had to scale back the wedding – that you hope he understands that you won’t send an invite.  I would think since you were laid off, he would really understand and probably be happy not to have to send a gift!  Not sending and invite and not saying anything is a bad idea because you never know when your paths might cross again.

Post # 13
Member
40 posts
Newbee

i’m sorry to hear about that! even though i’m not entirely sure how your relationship with you boss is currently, i think that it’s good to keep a good relation with your boss just because your paths might cross again. right now, you might think it’s not even possible, but he could still be your reference if (for example) you’re searching for another job. even though it’s likely that he won’t come, i would send the invite anyway just for the sake of being polite.

Post # 14
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

 

Sorry to hear about the lay off 🙁

I think you should still send him an invite, hey may not even accept. He may just send a gift. Either way, since he already received the Save-The-Date, it will be awkward if he doesn’t get an invite. Hey may think there are some hard feelings about the lay off.

Sending him an invitation will show that although you have been negatively affected by his decision, you still have class and will follow through with your original intention to invite him. This can possibly lead to a better relationship for future reference requirements. Hope it works out for you hun!

Post # 15
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Why are you taking your lay off as a personal attack from your boss?

Be angry, hurt whatever, but grow up. 

Post # 16
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

Edited to say: I just looked at the original post date, and it looks like this situation has already come and gone, but this is what I would say to someone in that situation now:

Given that you’d be sending out invitations right around the time you’d be leaving the company, I would not invite him.  It will probably be an awkward time, and having weird negotiations about an upcoming personal event strikes me as very uncomfortable.

However, I do agree with Janna19’s second suggestion – at some point you should casually mention that your wedding plans have changed, and you’ve decided to scale down your destination wedding.  While this may be a little white lie, I think that it’s worse to just sort of leave your boss hanging as to whether or not he should still be considering this upcoming vacation. 

 

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