Post # 1
So, I’m in the stage of the process where I am *patiently* (or trying to be) waiting on RSVP’s to come in.
For those of you who are also in this stage or past it, do you find yourself getting annoyed with…..lame excuses for lack of a better word?
Obviously I understand when people really do have a valid reason for why they can’t come (on travel for work, long-planned family event/vacation, another wedding, etc.) BUT there are a couple so far I’ve heard that to be quite frank are completely lame and transparant.
How do you deal with this? Does it kinda hurt your feelings? What’s the ‘best’ one you’ve heard?
Post # 3
oppps, didnt know you had to give an excuse when rsvp’ing. i usually decline with a few nice words wishing them the best and follow up with a card and gift.
Post # 4
Ok I am not here yet, but I have a super lame excuse for not going to a wedding. My cousin is getting married soon and I dont really like her. My mom wanted me to go to the wedding in her place but I wont do it. I am going to a paintball tounement instead. i dont play, but the company my FH works for is the sponser and he is refing since he used to play on their company team. Paintball is my excuse. i know i am hoppible, but so is she. We arent friends and she is so rude every time I see her. I really dont want her at my wedding and do not feel the need or desire to travel 5 hours for hers when I can sit in the sun all day and watch the boys shoot eachother.
Post # 5
@eloping I mainly mean people that you have a decent relationship with that tell you they can’t come or aren’t sure if they can come because of "x", but not through mailing in the rsvp…by just telling you and not offering anything but a "Oh I’m not sure, I think I might have a thing that weekend…"
@kdlowery lol…thankfull I don’t have any cousins/family I don’t get along with, but understandable lol
Post # 6
In my case, my first RSVP was a "no" that came back so quickly I think my cousin didn’t even consider coming. I won’t lie – it made me cry – but it got a little easier after that. I knew that not everyone would be able to travel.
The worst were those that we never heard from. One girl who was a childhood friend of my partner never bothered to respond. We heard through the grapevine that she had her college graduation that weekend however we also saw photos on facebook that her graduation occurred prior to our wedding. So she got a free stamp.
If your question isn’t related to these kinds of circumstances (which I consider "obligation" invitations and initially hurt but didn’t last), then you’re pretty well off dismissing them. If it’s true friends who can’t come, just consider that maybe they have a conflict (probably a poor excuse) or can’t afford to come (very likely if there’s any travel involved). They very well may be sending you a gift and a nice card closer to your wedding.
Post # 7
yah i had a few declines and most did not give reason, although most of them did. i guess for me, it doesn’t really matter, i don’t really expect an explaination of why someone isn’t coming
Post # 8
On my dad’s side, my aunt and uncle and all of their kids, kids’ spouses, and grandkids declined. That was like 20 people! and they didn’t even decline to us. A week or so before the wedding, after sending them multiple emails and calls, I finally just told my dad that he needed to confirm they weren’t coming. He called my aunt, and she said, "None of us can make it." Also, I had another cousin and his family that I had to contact about their RSVP last minute. They didn’t have an excuse either, just "We can’t make it." It was pretty random.
In the end, it was for the best. You only want people at your wedding that are 100% supportive for you and your Fi, right? So if someone’s not 100%, I’d rather they just stay home. Not that they’re bad people, or anything, but I was happy to have a smaller wedding with people who I knew were going to be there for us, than a bunch of relatives who might feel like the HAVE to be there.
The lamest excuse I heard was actually from my little sister. She had just come back from a deployment in Iraq a couple weeks before the wedding, and she said she might not be able to make it because she was going to be too busy with bbq’s and welcome home parties. Really? She came, but only because my parents ragged on her and paid her plane ticket out, lol!
Post # 9
I haven’t had any "no" RSVPs yet, but I’m sure they’re on their way! The majority of our guest list is local, as in the same town, so I doubt we’ll get many declines… I’m just glad we kept the guest list small!
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I will be happy if people decline… my guestlist is insane! I don’t even care what their excuse is… the people who love and care about us will find a way to be there, or to give a really GREAT reason as to why they can’t. 🙂
Post # 11
If they don’t want to come, they’re the ones missing out!!!!! You dont want people there who don’t REALLY wanna be there anyways, right?
Why they feel inclined to give you some lame excuse though is beyond me.
Post # 12
I didn’t have any problems like that, but I did hate waiting for the RSVPs. People would tell me they hadn’t had the time to send it out to me because they were busy (but they would get it to me soon *rolls eyes*), but seriously, how hard is it and how long does it take to put a couple of checkmarks down in the correct places and stuff a tiny card into a preaddressed and prestamped envelope? Boggles my mind lol
Post # 13
@JoesWifey lol yeah I’ve gotten quite a few "I’ve been busy, I’ll get it in the mail soon!"
And, while some of those might really be true…I agree with you…really how long does it take? We even gave people the option to e-mail their RSVP to our wedding email account…although more have mailed theirs in than those that have e-mailed…so weird.
Post # 14
Are you having a destination wedding? We are- so we pretty much knew who wouldbe or wouldn’t be attending from the beginning (for example we figured our friends with three high school kids wouldn’t be able to attend due to the looming college expenses, summer activities- and they can’t bring themselves to leave their kids for a weekend!)
There wasn’t a really good excuse for not RSVP’ing for us- since people could do it online- which saved in postage, wasted paper- and disorganization on our part to keep them all together. I;m so glad we didn’t do the traditional RSVP envelopes! It goes directly into an excel spread sheet with all their dietary restrictions! Sweet.
My FH philosophy is basically- ‘for those who didn’t RSVP, and the date has come and gone- we aren’t seeking them out because if they really wanted to come, they would have made more of an effort’. So we aren’t even doing any follow up phone calls. But again, we are having a destination wedding (out-of-town, a six hour car ride away!) So people can’t just randomly show up. It’s perfect for us.
Post # 15
My uncle didn’t return the RSVP, so I had to call him and ask if they were coming. He said, "I don’t think so…there’s an antique car show in town that weekend I want to go to."
It was all I could do to not burst into tears on the phone. What a jerk! He goes to these shows ALL the time, so it’s not like he would have been missing anything unique.
Post # 16
It’s definitely upsetting, but ultimately, you can’t pick people’s priorities for them. We had a few people not come who I was really expecting to be there. More upsetting than that though were the members of our wedding party (on my husband’s side) who didn’t "step up" and get there a bit early to help out. One of his groomsman flew in the day of the wedding and out the next morning, before the brunch. That really upset me, especially since we’d flown back from ENGLAND for their wedding just a few months earlier. Some people can be really selfish, but you can’t do anything about it, sadly. Just focus on the people who are going to be there, supporting you and surrounding you with love that day.