Post # 1
Hello bees, I am recently engaged and at a totally loss of what to do!! My Fiance and I both have large families, he is close to all of his and I am close to some, but not all of the family. We do not have a lot of money and do not want to go into debt over one day. I was never the little girl dreaming of some big, crazy wedding. So it just isn’t that important to me. We keep going back and forth trying to decide what to do here are the options:
1. Suck it up and have the big wedding (BTW we do not live back home with the rest of our families, so we’d be planning from 4 states away) and do what everyone else wants, the big wedding.
2. Have a small wedding with just our parents, siblings and grandparents a couple hours from home (were his grandparents always celebrated thier anniversarys) then have a casual “reception” back home, more like a bbq, just to celebrate with everyone. We would get a photographer so that everyone could see pics, but not actually be there.
What should we do? I do not want to upset anyone, but I think the only way not to is to do the first one…
On a side note, our parents said they would support us either way, my mom knows I never really wanted a wedding, just a marriage.
What do you all think? Thanks in advance =)
Post # 3
If you do the small one, you should not only have it photographed but also have it filmed so you can play it at the BBQ.
Post # 4
Have the wedding you want to have in your heart of hearts.
Determine what your budget is.
Craft your wedding in terms of the available budget.
Post # 5
I would do what you want to do and have the smaller wedding…it’s your day! As long as you have the important people in your life there it seems like you will be happy.
Post # 6
OMG!!! I am so glad you posted this because I was about to ask the same question from our fellow bee’s. I as well am at a total loss. His family wants a huge $20,000.00 to do with every one hes ever met in his entire life there, and I would be more than content with a back yard wedding and burgers on the grill. I could cut my guest list to 20 and thats pushing it, and he could easily create one thats 300 with out blinking. I think that budget is the number one thing. I do not wnat a big wedding i never ever have. I would love nothing more than to spend no more than $1500.00 on my entire wedding. Now if only him and his family would agree.
I say if your heart says keep it small keep it small. do what you want, not what they want you to do. What will you be the most happy with the next day?
Post # 7
I come two large families + extended family! And we love them all but also dont want to go into debt over one DAY!
We went venue hunting the first time with a guest list of 120!
That day ended BAD and with a HEADACHE!
I found our dream venue and couldnt afford it.
Second time we went venue hunting we wanted to see some pricing for a SMALL wedding of 75 in DECEMBER, we saved more than $20/person and were able to get the TOTAL price almost HALF due to our cutting our guest list and picking a discounted Month!
Make sure you see ALL your options!
I seriously sat down and thought if I were to die tomorrow, who would come to my funeral! And I wrote those people’s names down! We had 80 people!
Post # 8
My Fiance and I had a similar situation. We both want a small wedding (because of budget and like you I wasn’t the young girl who dreamed of a big wedding) but of course we got the weird looks from both our families and rather than having our intimate wedding of 45 to 50 people we are now up to 76 (including us). I’m alright with the number of people but we set a rule amongst ourselves and parents that if we haven’t seen the people they want to invite in the past 6 months they will not be included. If we didn’t do that we would have had at least 40 more people. Anyway my point is (lol) do what you want! If you want to have a small wedding and only want to invite people who are closest to you do it!! Do what makes both you and your fiance happy!
Post # 9
a not-so-close friend of mine recently had a small wedding and invited only a core group to the ceremony & dinner. my Fiance and I were invited for cake and drinks only. the invitation was worded: “join us for cake, drinks and dancing”
I was very understanding of the situation and was not offended at all. if she had invited everybody to dinner, it would have been huge! I thought it was a very elegant solution to include a big group of friends w/o spending too much!