(Closed) Last ditch effort :(

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3990 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It’s time to move on. Relationships require effort from both people, but a healthy relationship shouldn’t be this difficult. You can love someone and not be right for them. You are both contributing to a very unhealthy relationship. Time to cut your losses.

Post # 3
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
virtuevictorious:  It sounds like neither of you will ever feel secure.  I prefer my relationships where I felt I could trust him 100%.  If you don’t feel that way, and it sounds like he doesn’t either, then it’s probably not something worth fighting for.  Those thoughts will never go away.  

Sorry bee…hugs!!

Post # 4
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
virtuevictorious:   This is not a healthy relationship for either one of you.   At first he did not respect you and now you don’t trust him.  Trust and respect and cornerstones of a strong relationship, and they both need to be there in the first place.   

Post # 5
Member
9521 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

A healthy relationship is built on trust, communication and respect. It doesn’t sound like you truly trust each other. You don’t trust he will not mistreat you and would break up with you, now he believes the same with you. You both use the threat of break up as a weapon of hurt. You do not communicate effectively or healthily with each other.  Please reevaluate what YOU want in a healthy relationship, how you want to be treated and how you want to feel. Is this it far the long term? 

Post # 6
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

You need to move on now, not in 6 months. I was with my ex for over 5 years and was very insecure the whole time. He broke up with me because he couldn’t handle it anymore. I was so scared that I would never find a relationship that made me actually happy and not crazy, but just after I found my Fiance who I am more secure with than I could ever have imagined before. The craziness prior to him were due to my mindset at the time and also the relationship itself. I had some crazy times at the beginning of this relationship too, but I learned to trust and feel secure and its wonderful. 

TLDR: you will never feel secure in this relationship if it’s been like this for so long; but its not necessarily you, it may be the function of the relationship, so move on and find someone you can feel secure with. 

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I would say when you lose trust, its hard to get back. If the relationship is worth it to you, then by all means move out, start again. Build your foundation back up before even thinking about marriage. This choice is truly up to you and you alone. Only you know whats best for you hun. I wish you the best of luck here but you should never 1. feel insecure in a relationship 2. feel like your walking on eggshells and 3. feel as though you cant trust your partner. Thats not a healthy relationship.

Post # 8
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

He treats you with disdain. You constantly threaten to leave. You guys are in love with the idea of a relationship, not with each other. It’s time to move on.

Post # 9
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Move the hell on. Start afresh with someone else. Learn from the experiences, the mistakes and the issues. Be by yourself for a DECENT length of time and really, truly get to know yourself. Do not, ever, stay with someone who is emotionally abusive. It will never recover. You bear rational scars but they have not had the opportunity to heal. Please, take this as a positive, constructive new beginning. It WILL be the making of you.  

Post # 10
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I have a rule that I wish more women would adopt: 

If you break up with me once, it’s for a reason, so there are no second chances. I usually went no-contact with ex-boyfriends or sent really brutal emails/texts of, “ok” in response to anything emotional or “NOPE.” when they asked to meet up. 

Be kind to yourself, Bee. Don’t set yourself up to be hurt with someone who has a history of doing this.

May 2016 bring you, if not a better partner, a chance for self-discovery and personal growth.  

Post # 11
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

Only you can decide if this is worth fighting/working for. It sounds like there has been a lot of pain on both sides. If you do want to try, my suggestion is to find a good counselor and focus on what you can do to make things better, not just within the relationship, but as a better foundation for yourself and who you are. I hope things get better.

Post # 12
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry but this relationship was over 4 years ago when he left. Taking back an ex is like taking a shit back into the butthole.  Gross,  huh? But your story is the concrete example of why this statement is correct. 

Post # 13
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
is_a_belle:  I never took exes back either. As part of my healing process in the case of break ups, I would develop a physical aversion to that ex so even if we tried to get back together, I was never really able to get over my physical aversion.

Post # 14
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

This relationship was doomed from the beginning. sorry. 

 

Secondly-You need to get some self respect for yourself and move on.  I don’t mean that in a snarky way- but your actions screem of dependency and the need for constant affirmation and threats of leaving… just inappropirate and insecure. 

 

move on- and find how to live on your own wiht yourself. 

Post # 15
Member
341 posts
Helper bee

This sounds like my failed marriage – neither of you seem happy, constant threats to break up…

Is there any chance you’re staying together more out of fear than love?  Break ups are so hard, but it sounds like it may well be time to move on, and try and find a healthier relationship. Good luck x

The topic ‘Last ditch effort :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors