Post # 1
I just really want to get these out!
Infants and toddlers – do their names need to go on the invites? We told people they could bring them because I felt bad saying no; but honestly I don’t want the kids there.
I just don’t really like babies. Or small children. BUT I’m letting parents bring them if they really want.
Can I leave the baby names off the invites? Kind of a subtle hint?
Or does that make me rude?
Post # 3
I don’t think it looks rude, but if this is your way of telling them “no kids!”, I don’t think many people will get it. Especially if you already gave them the OK. If I had a baby, I would not expect the baby’s name to go on an invitation, whether the baby was invited or not.
Post # 4
I don’t think baby names are supposed to be on the invitation regardless. I’m not positive how it should be worded (I’m not having babies or kids at my wedding), but I’m pretty sure etiquette dictates that it’s supposed to read like this:
“Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Family”
ETA: You can’t be on the fence about this- you have to decide whether or not you are having kids at the wedding. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a huge headache.
Post # 5
We don’t. 🙂
But we have three out of town couples with a kid under 2 (in all three cases the baby is their only child), and we know none of them will leave the kid home and come to the wedding. So… this is our compromise. We’re inviting just those three babies, and not other kids.
Post # 6
For those three people I would put and family. The only time a kid’s name is put on a formal invite is if it’s an older child living with his parents, and there are other kids also living at home. And this is only used if you are allowing older children living at home with their parents to bring plus ones. It’s kind of confusing, lol. So for those three couples, I would just add and family and be done with it.
Post # 7
If you don’t want to invite them, leave their names off. I wouldn’t call it a “subtle” hint. In the world of correct form, if your name isn’t on the invitation you aren’t invited, and if you then show up anyway you are at best an “uninvited guest” and in unvarnished language a party-crasher.
Proper form actually doesn’t allow either the phrase “and Family” or even “and Guest”.
For a family with YOUNGER children you write:
Mr and Mrs Phipps
Sophie, Susan and Jacob
For a family with OLDER children you send the older ones their own invitations (but as long as they are at the same address you can put them all in the same outer envelope).
For “and Guests” you find out the guest’s name and address and send the invitation directly to him at his own address.
You can check this out in “Protocol” which is the official protocol guide in the United States, or in “The Canadian Style” which is the closest Canada comes to an equivalent — or you can just look in Miss Manner’s Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour which says essentially the same thing.
Post # 8
Yep, aspasia is right on this one. “And family” is vague, you need the actual names of each invited person (no matter what their age).
If you want the children to come, their names go on the invite. If you don’t want them to come, their names don’t go on the invite, because they are not invited. There’s no middle ground, “you can bring them if you want” on this, they are either invited or they aren’t.
The good news is, it is not rude to have a child-free wedding (just be prepared for some guests to be unable to attend) nor is it rude for parents to opt to leave an invited child with a sitter. Even if you do invite the kids, their parents might not bring them. They would not be rude if the rsvped just for 2.
Post # 9
Honestly, I would go with “and Family”. Again: embrace the “and Family”!
You are really nice, btw… inviting cousins’ boyfriends, toddlers, etc.! I was ruthless 😉
Post # 10
yeah i agree with the “and family” i think it would be odd to see babies names on a invitation for a wedding
Post # 11
the boyfriend has been dating my cousin for like six years now 🙂 and I’ll be HIGHLY surprised if they don’t get married next summer, when they graduate college. 🙂 As for the babies/toddlers, its really just in hopes my out of town friends will come. What can I say – love my friends, love their raisin.