Post # 91
ktsteimel: Truer words were never spoken. Showers are THE WORST.
OP, let me add into the chorus of voices that says that this sort of thng is absolutely in violation of hosting conventions in many places, and you should feel free to spend your time doing something more enjoyable. You must not feel ANY guilt about not wanting to pay the invoice.
Post # 92
jkm13: “Italiians don’t have bbq’s or drink tea” lol wtf? sure they do. My Fiance is Italian & I’ve been to lots of Italian BBQ’s- including for wedding related events. And they’d never ask anyone for money to attend a shower. Why do you constantly make sweeping generalizations about entire cultures based only on what your circle of friends or fam do?
Post # 93
jkm13: You decline because you can’t afford. If you’re in that dire of a financial situation, you can’t afford the $100 dress either. . .you may be able to pull together $100 for it, but you can’t afford it at that point.
What you describe is a fundraiser, not a shower. As a bride, I would understand that the host couldn’t afford to throw a shower and prefer no shower to some mortifying situation where guests are hit up for money.
Post # 94
Wow! That is so bizarre. You can piolitely decline (or make an excuse for needing to cancel last minute), but don’t mention finances. While I think it’s tacky to charge guests for an event which they are guests at, it’s in bad form to bring it up on your end.
Post # 95
Thanks for all your comments!
I responded to the organizer saying I wouldn’t be able to make it and mailed the gift yesterday.
Interestingly enough I just found out that the bride DID NOT know that the host was charging guests. She assumed that the host was paying for the event. She only found out when she also received the message saying it would be 65/per person.
Which I think means the bride was expected to pay her share too???
At a loss….
Post # 96
morsa: That’s so sad! Poor bride – that’s just ridiculous 🙁
Post # 97
morsa: If I was the bride, I’d be mortified!
Post # 98
Oh good I’m SO glad I read through all 7 pages and got to your update, because I was about to come on here and say that it’s very possible the bride doesnt know, so please don’t be prematurely mad at her.
My friend threw me a wonderful engagement party, but for some reason people seemed a little pissed or something at me the whole time. Come to find out she had asked everyone to pay $30 (not at all the custom where I’m from), and they all thought this was my idea and she was just the enforcer, and I had NO idea and would NEVER ask that of my guests. And it put me in an awkward position cuz I couldn’t exactly call everyone up and be like “hey so btw I didn’t ask my friend to charge you, please don’t be mad at me lol” ugh