(Closed) last minute bridal shower invite + they expect me to pay??

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 91
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

ktsteimel:  Truer words were never spoken.  Showers are THE WORST.

OP, let me add into the chorus of voices that says that this sort of thng is absolutely in violation of hosting conventions in many places, and you should feel free to spend your time doing something more enjoyable.  You must not feel ANY guilt about not wanting to pay the invoice.

Post # 92
Member
5842 posts
Bee Keeper

jkm13:  “Italiians don’t have bbq’s or drink tea” lol wtf? sure they do. My Fiance is Italian  &  I’ve been to lots of Italian BBQ’s- including for wedding related events.  And they’d never ask anyone for money to attend a shower. Why do you constantly make sweeping generalizations about entire cultures based only on what your circle of friends or fam do?

Post # 93
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

jkm13:  You decline because you can’t afford.  If you’re in that dire of a financial situation, you can’t afford the $100 dress either. . .you may be able to pull together $100 for it, but you can’t afford it at that point.  

What you describe is a fundraiser, not a shower.  As a bride, I would understand that the host couldn’t afford to throw a shower and prefer no shower to some mortifying situation where guests are hit up for money.  

Post # 94
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Wow! That is so bizarre. You can piolitely decline (or make an excuse for needing to cancel last minute), but don’t mention finances. While I think it’s tacky to charge guests for an event which they are guests at, it’s in bad form to bring it up on your end.

Post # 96
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

morsa:  That’s so sad! Poor bride – that’s just ridiculous 🙁

Post # 97
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

morsa:  If I was the bride, I’d be mortified!

 

Post # 98
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee

Oh good I’m SO glad I read through all 7 pages and got to your update, because I was about to come on here and say that it’s very possible the bride doesnt know, so please don’t be prematurely mad at her.

My friend threw me a wonderful engagement party, but for some reason people seemed a little pissed or something at me the whole time. Come to find out she had asked everyone to pay $30 (not at all the custom where I’m from), and they all thought this was my idea and she was just the enforcer, and I had NO idea and would NEVER ask that of my guests. And it put me in an awkward position cuz I couldn’t exactly call everyone up and be like “hey so btw I didn’t ask my friend to charge you, please don’t be mad at me lol” ugh 

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