(Closed) Last minute family drama

posted 10 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do about seating my divorced and ridiculous parents?

    Put Dad in the front row, allowing his date to sit with him.

    Put Dad in the second row, allowing his date to sit with him.

    Put Dad in the front row, without the date.

    Put Dad in the second row, without the date.

    Put Dad on the groom's side, with date.

    Put Dad on groom's side, without date.

  • Post # 3
    1937 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Clearly the date won’t know anyone else at the wedding besides your dad.  If I were her I would feel really awkward about sitting next to complete strangers (granted I wouldn’t go to a wedding if I had never met the bride or groom and I was dating the father of the bride but that’s besides the point).  I would just tell both sets of parents that it is what is it and that both parties are sitting in the front row.  I don’t think what percentage of your gross pay should have anything to do with it (that might be because my parents have always been very private about their income and I don’t even know exactly what they make annually).

    Post # 4
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Do you have to have a “bride’s side” and a “groom’s side”?  It would be awesome if you could stick one parent on either side of the aisle (both in the front row) with their respective dates.  That way they get a little more buffer space between then.  I do have to say I totally feel for you though.  My fiance’s parents have been divorced for *20* years, but they are by no means on speaking terms even.  I anticipate a whole lot of drama when we make decisions on the seating arrangements.

    Post # 5
    761 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Oh my. I’m not sure what the solution is but geez. Why can’t two parents just chill out about their own problems and make this one day easier for you? I know I’ve seen similar situations on the bee before so nothing against your parents in particular. In fact my mom is being really catty about my stepmom even coming to the wedding. And my stepmom is paying for some things!

    Post # 6
    732 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

    It is unfair for your parents to put you through this, and I’m sorry it’s happening. My opinion is that your dad should sit in the front closest to you, his gf next to him, another person or two, and your mom & stepdad towards the other end of the row. The same row. I am basing this on your closer (calmer?) relationship to your dad, not finances; deciding who has contributed more/less to the wedding should not determine seating arrangements. Plus, if he’s going to walk you down the aisle, that just makes more sense.

    Is it possible you could just have them show up at the wedding, have the ushers escort them, and be done with it? Do you think she’d stay quiet at that point, or make a scene? It depends on your mom, but I would not discuss the seating arrangements with her anymore, as there doesn’t seem to be a way to make her happy without slighting your dad.

    Post # 7
    4479 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    You have to seat your dad with his date, and your mom with her husband. Your mom can get over it, I think. Just don’t ask her what she thinks about it anymore.

    Post # 9
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m sorry. This is a difficult situation.  It’s like you can’t even take your experiences with them, and come up with a consistent answer.  (IE, your dad was more generous and supportive, but puts his women above his kids…)

    Well I will say that the date won’t be honored like your mom.  She won’t get to be escorted in like MOBs are.  She won’t get flowers.    But I know it’s difficult. 

    I like the idea of sitting dad and date on the other side of the aisle.  But where do Fi’s parents go?  Do they get knocked out of the first row?  And if not, someone will get the shaft by not getting the prime aisle spot.

    I guess I’d say he can sit in the first row, if he realizes that he won’t be sitting on the end.  He’ll have to climb over your mom, or give up the aisle spot on the groom’s side etc.  Your dad’s date, is lucky to get a front row seat, for not even knowing you.  She certainly doesn’t get a better angle than the parents of either the bride or groom.  (And having them in the first row, buffered by a sibling, will make your mom farther apart from dad and his date, than if they sat directly behind them in the second row.)

    Post # 10
    581 posts
    Busy bee

    I thought I read somewhere that when the bride’s parents are divorced and the situation isn’t completely amicable, the bride’s mother sits in the first row and the bride’s father sits in the second row.  I think the reason is that the MOB is seated in the front row immediately preceding the ceremony and this is the signal that the ceremony is to commence. 

    In a way, he chose to sit with his girlfriend, and she does not belong in the front row. 

    Best wishes.

    Post # 11
    581 posts
    Busy bee

    Here’s what I found:

    Seating Divorced Parents

    Dear Fran:
    My parents divorced recently. I’m not sure where they should be seated during the ceremony. Neither have remarried, and they are on speaking terms. My dad is going to walk me down the aisle. When he sits down, do they sit together or on different pews? Also, when the pastor asks, “who gives this woman to be married to this man,” can he still say, “her mother and I,” or does he have to say, “I do”, since they are divorced?
    Anna H.

    Dear Anna:
    It is certainly proper for your father to sit on the front pew with your mother, following his walking you down the aisle. When neither parent has remarried and they are on good terms, their sitting together shows a mutual relationship and united front in wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness.

    If it happens they would prefer not to sit together, then the parent you are not living with would sit on the second or third pew behind the parent you are living with. If you are living with neither parent, it is usually the mother of the bride who is seated on the front pew and the father who sits behind. As a matter of interest, although it is not the case in your situation, when a parent has remarried, their new spouse is seated with them.

    In answer to your question concerning your father’s response to the question of “who gives this woman to be married to this man?”, it is correct either way he chooses to answer. More appropriately, it is correct either way “you” choose to ask him to answer.

    Proper Wedding Seating of Parents
    When the bride and groom’s parents are together, they are seated in the front pew of the church, near the aisle. The bride’s parents sit in the left pew and the groom’s parents are seated in the right pew.

    There are exceptions for certain circumstances. If either the bride or groom has a widowed parent, that parent may certainly invite a guest to be seated with him or her.

    It becomes a bit more complicated if the parents of the bride or groom are divorced. The mother and stepfather if there is one, will sit in the front pew as already described.

    In the next few pews, the immediate family will be seated. This includes grandparents, siblings, and so on.

    The bride or groom’s father will be seated in the next pew behind the rows of the mother’s immediate family. If the father is remarried, his family will be seated with him. If there are hard feelings in the family, the father’s wife may choose to sit elsewhere in the church, and futher back.

    If the bride or groom is closer to a stepmother or is not on good terms with the mother, the father and stepmother may be seated in the front pew instead of the mother.

    Still one more exception is that if the divorced parents get along well and everyone would be happy with the situation, it is sometimes perfectly acceptable to seat the parents and stepparents all in the front pew, but only if all agree to it.

    Post # 12
    834 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    i agree with a few ladies here….your parents should sit with their dates…”dates”, thats the key word. i know if when me and my fi first started dating and we were invited somewhere and someone had told us we couldnt sit together, it would have been awkward for the person who didnt know anyone (im sure this lady wouldnt like that)…also, i know u might not think this right now, but your dad and this lady might be together for a while, so even though she is just another lady to everyone else… its might be his ms right. i think all in all, you should figure out what you want and just tell em…period. its your day….  plus, im sure people will know who the mother of the bride is, wont she be in complimenting colors matching the wedding party??? maybe request to your dad that his date makes sure and wears something other than your mothers color… that might get sticky. this happen at my bros wedding with my rents and i could swear my mama was about to have a heart attack. she so thought that poor woman did it on purpose!! she still brews about it years later…. mothers..shhheeesh!!

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