(Closed) last minute guests (a la FMIL)

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

UGH! This is my biggest pet peeve! I see so many people on here posting with similar stories. I just don’t understand how parents get to think that it’s THEIR day and they can call all the shots just because they made some contribution. I totally know where you’re coming from since we had to turn down some of our own friends too. My mom and Mother-In-Law both suggested some more people we invite, but never were forceful about it and thankfully both respected our decision when we said there wasn’t enough room. I would not let her get away with this. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s pushy people. 

If I were you, I would have your Fiance call her and tell her this: Look, this is how it’s going to work Mom. We are adults and this is OUR wedding. We are very grateful for your contribution, but due to (budget, size constraints, our own size preference, etc.) thisismystop and I were forced to draw a line in the sand as to who would and would not be able to attend. We realize that you would really like for the neighbors to come and we really wish we could accommodate them, but we just can’t! Thisismystop’s parents do not have any friends coming. And even our own friends (list names) were not invited due to our tight budget! I’m asking you nicely to please dis-invite them if you have already invited them. If you refuse to do so (DOC, bestman, etc) will be forced to show them the door. Our caterer already has our final count, the exact number of chairs have already been rented, and the seating chart is already made. Please respect our decision and do not put the neighbors in this uncomfortable position of showing up and being turned away. (Or if you don’t feel comfortable saying they will be turned away by someone you could say that they will feel unwelcome when they do not have a seating card and there are not enough seats for them and they are forced to stand the whole evening and do not have any food.)

Post # 5
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

They’re coming from out of state? Oh geeze! Well I can see why you feel you kinda just need to make room for them at this point. Maybe you can tell your future in laws that they need to give up their seats and meals since they created this mess! haha Although I am in no way condoning what your Future Mother-In-Law has done here, I could see how it’d be hard to tell them no if they invited themselves. Of course it’s hard to tell people no when you’re the bride and groom, but you’re the ones feeling the pressure financially so that makes it a bit easier to put your foot down! 

On a side note, my fiance initially wanted to invite everyone from his church and we already both have large families. However, we wanted a small wedding with less than 100 people, and with everyone from the church it probably would have been more like 300 so we made the hard choice to invite no one from the church except a few lifelong family friends. Then, one lady from chuch came up to us and told us how excited she was for our wedding and asked what colors we wanted our afghan. Ugh, how can you say no to someone who’s spending hours and hours making you something?! So we had to invite her even though we wouldn’t have otherwise because of the pressure and guilt we would have felt saying no. I think dealing with the guest list of one of the toughest parts of the wedding!

At this point I guess you just have to try to fit them in somewhere. I know it sucks 🙁 How many people are you having per table? We had a small venue and ended up having 10 people at a few of the tables and although it wasn’t exactly spacious for them it worked.  

As for your Future Mother-In-Law I’d just try to let it go and hope it’s like you said, her just feeling like she’s losing her son since she seemed nicer before. Hopefully she doesn’t continue with the pushy behavior and hurtful comments. If she does maybe you could have your Fiance try talking to her about it. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Ugh, I’m sorry that that’s happening. That SUCKS.

Unfortunately, if they really HAVE made plans to come up from Louisiana, then I don’t know if there’s anything you can do, other than calling them directly and explaining the situation.

I definitely would not want them to be at the wedding. Hello — it’s family only, and here are these weird neighbours of your Future Mother-In-Law that you don’t even know. I think it would be awkward for them, too. 

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