Post # 1
Hello all! I was initially planning to not have a hen’s party at all, but with just over 2 weeks to go, I’m wishing I had!
I’m booking a high tea afternoon tea at a nice hotel in the city, that has a spa and a bunch of nearby places to go out and have a cocktail etc.
I’m wondering who I invite! So far I’m thinking our mums, his sister in law, my close friends, the wives of his close friends, my female cousin.
Is this a grandparents event? My grandmother is incredibly shy and hardly speaks English, but will enjoy the tea. His grandmothers would prob also enjoy, but do they get an invite as well? His stepmum that he’s not terribly close to (I hate the thought of excluding her – but if his mum is also there, there may be tension!). He has a number of aunties and older female cousins between 25-40 years old, most he isn’t close to at all and some live quite far away. Not sure what the etiquette is around this as I’ve seen a whole bunch of different advice.
Post # 2
I haven’t heard of a hen do but it sounds like fun!
I’d stick to close friends & family that you interact with daily/more often. I doubt cousins who aren’t close with your FH will be offended. As far as the stepmom situation, I am unsure because I see both sides. Maybe run it by your FH and see what he would suggest and then run it by your Future Mother-In-Law.
Oh, I would invite my grandmother, she is nearly deaf & shy but would love tea and enjoy being apart of the festivities!
Post # 3
Is this a psuedo bachelorette party? I wouldn’t invite random aunts, only your nearest and dearest.
Post # 4
@jellybellynelly: The equivalent, yes – in Australia, I’ve only really ever heard it called a Hen’s party (with a few exceptions)! It’s like the ‘hens’ of the family get to gether and get clucky over the bride to be – that’s how I interpret it! I think ‘bachelorette’ is a very American term? No idea!
@frenchtoastvegan: thank you! Good idea. I’ll ask Mr Caribou, but knowing him he’ll tell me to ask his mum haha
Post # 5
futuremrscaribou : I think if there may be tension between mom and step mom then i would skip step mom, especially if it seems you and your Fiance are not close to her.
As for everyone else, that sounds good. I would invite grandmother to the tea portion and then maybe just the youngins head out for cocktails (unless Gma wants to join, too!) as for aunts, if you are close with them, but i wouldn’t invite ALL aunts just because. This is about YOU, you don’t have to host every female in his (or your) family.
I had my sister, 3 cousins, couple friends, Mom, 1 aunt and 1 great aunt for the first portion of my bachelorette and then my mom and aunts went home and it got a little crazy :p
Post # 6
did you invite your future Mother-In-Law too? and if I do, would his grandmas be invited as well?
I have no idea how this works
Post # 7
A hens party is the equivalent a bachelorette party in UK, Australia and New Zealand
Post # 8
If it’s equal to a bachelorette party (but without male strippers and alcohol like you say lol) then I would invite:
1) Yourself, of course, your mom, and any of your sisters and/or sisters-in-law
2) Females in the bridal party (aka, bridesmaids)
3) All living grandmothers
4) Groom’s sisters/sisters-in-law, as you mentioned
5) Mother-in-law, stepmothers-in-law, if applicable.
With the caveat that we should always be wise with inter-person tensions!!
I have a hunch that this will be far more mature and matronly than your traditional American bachelorette party. Traditionally, we don’t invite grandmothers to bachelorette parties and usually it’s JUST the bridesmaids, but you seem to have a different situation. I would invite who I listed above if I was using my family 🙂
Post # 9
megm1099 : Thank you, thank you!!
Yeh I’m doing it a bit differently – to start with, I have no sisters (only child), and we’re not doing a bridal party at all! My best friend just had her baby less than a month ago; and I’m inviting the wives of my fiance’s friends as while I’m not super close to them yet, I do want to be – but all but one of them is currently breastfeeding, so can’t do anything too alcoholic!
Post # 10
futuremrscaribou : That’s super wise! I think I would do something really laid-back and mature like that if our grandmothers lived closer! I love them and wish they could be more involved!
I think if you just keep it light and casual there is zero way it will be a bad experience, even if there is tension between some people 🙂 But I don’t know the depth of any tension!