Post # 1
I need some help and advice as my invites went out a couple of weeks ago, and they detailed the food that will be served at the wedding breakfast and reception. I am having outsourced catering so had to be decisive, so chose and Engligh carvery with salads for main meal, a selection of meat and vegitarian canapes upon arrival and a Brazillian BBQ with (breads and side salads) and a crepe station for the evening food. There are no vegitarians in my family so I paid the 70% for my food and sent the invites out.
I have just received a text from my aunt saying she has now adopted a vegan lifestyle and cannot attend my wedding unless there is food that she can eat, which I understand however its not just vegetarian…its vegan! so pretty much all my veggi options are not ok for her (as they contain milk/cheese or fish)
My problem arrises as although it will be easy to substitute some of the canapes and salads to not include anti vegan ingrediants, the main course is a meat carvery. The vegitarian dish that can be served with the carvery is a lasagne type dish which has cheese and other ingredients that my aunt will not eat. As I am having outsoursed catering they only bring to the event the food they will be serving so I will either have to pay quite a bit to have one portion of a vegan friendly meal made and prepared at my venue, or change my whole meal choice.
I am not sure what to do, as my aunt can have the canapes and salads etc. but she is demanding her own meal (which under most circumstances I would understand for allergies etc. but she has just started being vegan, and its because her new friendship group in her town is vegan…so its just to fit in!) what would you bee’s do ? as the invites have already stated the food so it will be so much hassle to change the menu, but costly to get an individual vegan meal made 🙁
*I apologise for the spelling mistakes my fingers are too fat for my phone!
Post # 2
BizzzzyBee: “I’m so sorry Auntie, we’ll miss you!”
Post # 3
BizzzzyBee: Yikes. How much do you actually want this aunt there? If not having her in attendance would negatively detract from your day, then it’s likely worth the cost to have your caterer bring one vegan meal. Otherwise, I’d tell her that the menu has been set and she’s more than willing to enjoy the canapes and salad.
Personally, I think I would leave it as is (of course, I have no idea how close you and your aunt are, so my opinion isn’t likely to matter) simply because I would be very put off by the ultimatum “serve me a special meal or I’ll boycott your weding”…. If it was for medical reasons (food allergies, Celiac’s, etc) or if I knew in advance that she had chosen to live a vegan lifestyle, I’d go out of my way to be accommodating…. But to simply decide to be vegan overnight and then demand that your loved ones immediately alter their choices to suit your whims…yeah, I’m not so into that.
Post # 4
I think it’s incredibly unfair of you to question her motivations (“she’s only doing it to fit in!” and “she only JUST turned vegan”). If you can’t accomadate her or don’t want to then just tell her so.
Post # 5
BizzzzyBee: First please don’t serve fish to vegetarians. Vegetarians do not eat animal flesh therefore fish/seafood is out.
Second does the catering company have any other options than lasange? A vegie curry or stir fry with rice or a cheeseless lasagne (so basically a tray of vegetable stack). The vegetarians can eat the vegan meal.
Alternatively could you go to a local vegan restaurant and get them to make a single dish that can be served cold?
Post # 6
j_jaye: “First please don’t serve fish to vegetarians. Vegetarians do not eat animal flesh therefore fish/seafood is out.”
Yes, this. Fish is not vegetarian.
BizzzzyBee: I think it was a bit rude of your aunt to basically say she won’t be attending if she can’t be accomodated. If it were me, I’d just be sure to eat a meal before I went and bring snacks with me, as I can’t fathom missing out on my own neice’s wedding over something so trivial. But if you really want her there, just talk to your catering company and see what they are willing to do. I’m sure it’s not the first time they’ve dealt with a situation like this.
Post # 7
I’m vegan and I would never not attend someone’s wedding because of it – heck, most of the food at my wedding is going to be VERY non-vegan because Fiance and I are going to be the only vegans there. Your aunt can always take a bigger purse and pack it full of dried fruit and crackers.
If you want to try to accommodate her and the catering company doesn’t have any reasonably priced options, just buy a big old fruit and veggie platter for her use only.
Post # 8
amanda.417: We are quite close (were really close however over the last couple of years we have been a bit distanced) however I really want her to come as her daughters are bridesmaids so it will be a logistcal and emotional nightmare if we didn’t have her at the wedding 🙁 I have messaged her asking what foods she normally eats as she is a picky vegan at that, so will have to wait and see!
Post # 9
First of all, I absolutely love that you wrote “anti vegan ingredients.” I’m a vegan, and sooo used to people refering to it as an “anti-meat” diet, so to read the reverse was really refreshing and put a smile on my face. I also like the vague hint that the other ingredients are nefarious. I hope you don’t mind me using that one 🙂
So, as I said, I’m a vegan. A long term vegan. When I have dinner with my family and FI’s family they make sure there’s food I can eat. Sometimes they literally center the meal around me, which is totally kind, but most of the time they cook what they’d normally make and add a bunch of sides to make sure I have enough. And when I go out to weddings? I can almost always fill myself up. Maybe once or twice I’m stuck with just salad and bread, and I don’t love that, but it’s not a big deal.
I’m giving you my perspective because I think your aunt is being COMPLETELY ridiculous. I would text back that unfortunately it is impossible to change the main course at this date, as everything has been finalized and paid for, but that you will make sure that there are enough salads and side dishes that she’ll be able to eat too. Conclude by telling her you’re excited to see her then.
If she pulls any more BS, just tell her you’re sorry she can’t make it. It sounds soooo ridiculous. Again, as a vegan, it is NOT DIFFICULT to go to ONE meal where I’m not the center of attention! Canapes, salad, and bread is totally fine.
Post # 10
craftylish: She is a very flighty person, just a year ago she dedicated herself to the vegetarian cause brought loads of cruelty free hair products, made a big song and dance about the whole thing (shaming friends on FB who took pictures of their meat food… etc.) then 2 months later gave in to a bacon roll, then brought herself a fur coat! Love her to death however she is very easily influenced by what ever peer group she is close to at the time. Which is quite shocking for a 41yo woman!
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library
annd2015: I was gonna say something similar, I have a vegan friend who has gone to all of our friends’ carnivore weddings because she wouldn’t want to miss out even if it means eating salad and bread. Your catering company is probably used to dealing with special diets so I would just ask them for options.
Post # 12
bbbria: Sorry totally forgot the word for eats fish not other meats 🙁 mind blank! anywho its a selection of pescatarian (hope this is the right word now) and vegetarian canapes etc. And I think I should make this clearer we are having a ‘day at the fair’ themed wedding so only our canapes are being served by actuall caterers, the others are like pop up food stalls/tents so they only specialise so to speak in one thing (so a crepe stall, a BBQ stall, a carvery station etc.) so it would be very difficult to get one of these companies to add one dish. I may have to buy her a meal from a local shop and serve it cold.
Post # 13
I can’t believe she’d miss your wedding simply because there may not be vegan food there! That’s a stupid reason not to attend.
Post # 14
Are you sure you want her drama at your wedding? If you do then just pay the extra $$$ for one meal. But I would tell her that it will cost you extra for her meal and you are willing to pay it cause you really want her there, cause you love her very much and she a big part of your life, you would do anything to have her at your wedding.. But I would also find a way to tell her that you do not want her bashing the meat eaters, or the meat food on display. Sounds to me this women may need to be guided a little and pampered a lot, for her to have a good time. Sometimes pampering these people works wonders. Maybe bring her flowers when you go talk to her about the meat bashing…. lol
Post # 15
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
Let her know what things she can eat (the salad, bread, canapes?) and that your caterer doesn’t offer any vegan options. Let her know that she is welcome to bring something herself?
If she plans on continueing her vegan lifestyle, i think she’s going to have to get used to bringing her own food places. While did have some vegetarian options, all my veggie friends mentioned that they’re used to bringing snacks in their purse to events because they know they aren’t always catered to.