(Closed) Last minute 'yes' changes to 'no'. How to respond?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2685 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ugh, those are some pretty lame excuses.  Unfortunately, whenever you are planning a party, you are going to have people bail last minute.  I’d just say:

“Bummer you can’t attend – we will miss you!” 

And call it good.

Post # 4
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I had a couple of people change to a no 2 days before, no explanation, and then two others cancelled on me the day of. 

Personally? I think you have to take the high road. Either a “thanks for letting me know” or possibly just no response. And then try to move on like it never happened after the wedding.

At least, that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m still pissed, though.

Post # 5
9110 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a few.  Nothing you can do but say “thanks for letting me know.”

I was lucky that I owed the venue for a few extra people that was due the day before the wedding, so I was able to just reduce the amount I owed them.  I still had 8 no-shows though on top of that (no call/email before or after)…I was more angry about those but I just had to get over it.

Post # 6
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I would give you bad advice if I told you what I would say.  Just listen to the PP’s, lol.

Post # 7
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LMD:  Ditto, I’d have some unkind words for these people about how they’ve shown me clearly their lack of interest or care for me or our friendship and thanks for letting me know.

Post # 8
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

“Sorry you won’t be able to join us”


Post # 9
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

“I am sorry you can’t make it. Thanks for letting me know”


If they gave you a reason such as a family emergency, this is the time to give your condolences. “So sorry to hear your aunt is sick.”


That simple.

Post # 10
2910 posts
Sugar bee

I would also give you bad advice. Listen to everyone else.

Post # 11
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Oh yeah, and leave the name cards out. It’s kind of like public shaming.

Post # 13
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


+agreed. Don’t go to efforts to remove their name tags or bother with stuff like that at this point.

Perhaps you could contact your vendor and see if they would take off the meals, even though it’s past the date?

As others have said, just thank them for letting you know and carry on.

That is insanely rude on their part though. 

Post # 14
2613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@futuremrste:  Personally, I would consider my association with these rude, inconsiderate boors over. No need to respond at all.

Post # 15
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This happened to me.   A few days before the wedding, I got an email telling me that it would be too much of a pain to come to my wedding.  Yes, it was in a different state, but she knew that when she RSVPed.  We counted on getting fewer yeses because of the distance.  She said she’d looked online and the drive was just too far.  I don’t understand why she couldn’t have done that before she RSVPed.  Heck, our save the date announced the city and state too.  Had it been a real excuse, I would have understood.  But since it wasn’t, I’ve had no contact with her since.  That’s probably not the right thing, but oh well.  Luckily, I had a seating chart that I could move around, so we were able to switch around the tables.  But that doesn’t count the food, etc., that I’d already paid for (plus time I’d spent making certain arrangements to keep her child occupied, and of course no card was sent).

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