Post # 1
When my husband and I went to get our marriage license issued, my father came along with us. A woman wanted to hand me papers so I start changing my last name, to which my dad said, “She’s not changing her last name. Nope.” And turned to my husband and said, “My wife didn’t change her last name, so she’s not going to, either.” (My mother eventually did, I don’t know why he decided to lie.) My husband didn’t take offense, but said, “That’s fine, Mr. So-and-so. I don’t mind. Whatever you’re comfortable with. Her own last name sounds better, anyway.”
I didn’t want to get into an argument with my dad in public, since he’s such an agressive hot-head, so when we got home, I told him I really wanted to change my last name. He said it was a hassle and that this and that and that I shouldn’t do it.
Now, after a year of marriage, I’ve been thinking of changing my last name and if my dad gets angry or whatever he decides to say, he should really get over it, and I was wondering what the process is like? Is it REALLY that big of a hassle?
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard
It is a hassle and it isn’t. The worst part for me was sitting in the DMV to get a new license and in the Social Security building to do the change. But we woke up early to go do both so it didn’t take crazy long since we weren’t at the end of a long line because of us waking up early. Just call your local social security or look online to see what they need you to have when you come so that you have it all.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
sarandah : I’m not sure how he thought it was okay to just jump in and speak on your behalf like you were a child? Hassle or no hassle I’m changing my last name as soon as the wedding is over, even might start the process a little sooner if I can since you mentioned they asked about it when you went for the marriage license. The name change is part of what really makes a marriage special IMO, I would say if you want to, by all means go ahead. I actually have heard it’s really not that bad.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas
Why are you allowing your father to make a decision for you that should really only be made by the people in the actual partnership, AKA you and your husband?
I changed my name right away. Found it to be super easy. No hassle at all. Had to send some paperwork into the SS office. Then, once I had my new card, I just went down to the DMV, and boom, I had a new license. Then it was simple email to work.
Post # 6
sarandah : ““She’s not changing her last name. Nope.” And turned to my husband and said, “My wife didn’t change her last name, so she’s not going to, either.” (My mother eventually did, I don’t know why he decided to lie.) My husband didn’t take offense, but said, “That’s fine, Mr. So-and-so. I don’t mind. Whatever you’re comfortable with. Her own last name sounds better, anyway.””
WTF?! So they just talked about this as if you weren’t right there? Whatever your DAD was comfortable with?! As if you didn’t have your own voice and were allowed to make decisions about your own name?!?! I would’ve been so so so sooooo angry!
Post # 7
It’ll take you all of a day to do.
Post # 8
No it’s really not that big of hassle. Is it a fun thing to do? No. But I always think that’s kind of a lame excuse when people say they didn’t change their name because of a hassle. Change your name, don’t, whatever, it’s such a big decision that shouldn’t rest on having to do some paperwork.
You need to set some serious boundaries with your dad, that is not at all okay is he dictating that in your life. It’s YOUR name.
Post # 9
It’s your name. No one else gets a vote.
Your father is behaving as if this were the 18th century and you were his legal property. Except now you are married, and (in the 18th century) ownership passes to your husband. So, any way you look at it, your father is way, way out of line.
Their talking about you as if you weren’t there would make me not to want to talk with either of them for quite a while.
Post # 10
sarandah : it’s much less of a hassle if you do it when you fill out the marriage license. Depending on your state you may need to go to court now and pay a fee. But besides that it was pretty easy – I ran over to SSA on my lunch break one day to change my name there, the DMV the day after, and then once I got my new SS card and driver’s license I changed my name on all my accounts. The only thing I didn’t bother to change was the deed on my house so when I refinanced I just had to fill out an extra sheet saying that Lilli Maiden and Lilli Married are one in the same.
Why was your father with you to get the marriage license? And why do you think he has an opinion on YOUR name?
Post # 11
idk why your dad was involved to begin with here but anywhoosies, I changed my last name for my wasband for our first anniversary cuz itʻs “paper” anniversary. It was more annoying to change it back after the divorce tbh
Post # 12
Both men would have been in the doghouse based on that exchange. My first response, to dad: “Actually dad, you know that mom did change her name. However, that has nothing to do with a decision that is completely up to me.” Then to my fiance, after he reassured my dad that his comfort was the only thing that mattered in this scenario: “Brad, I’m not sure why you think that this issue is for you and my dad to discuss and decide, and why you would care how comfortable my dad is with my decision?”
Post # 13
My husband said this because he knows that my dad is a hothead and wanted to keep it from escalating into an argument. It was actually really embarrassing when my dad stepped in and said that. We were both kind of surprised and like, “wtf is he really doing this right now?”
My husband later told me, “If you want, you can always change it later. It doesn’t matter to me.”
Post # 14
Is it a hassle? Yes, but not so much that I’d change my mind because if it. But I’m 39 so I’ve got my name on sooooo many things, (Retirement account, professional licensure, bank, credit card, student loans, old HSA, clinics, pharmacy, etc) I still haven’t changed them all yet. But it’s just time, paperwork, and in person visits to SS and DMV and wherever else you need to show proof. Definitely not a reason to not do it. You dad needs to stay out of it.
Post # 15
I think she might mean is it a hassle if you did not put it on the marriage license as it looks like she didn’t with her dad’s crazy opinions. From what I have heard, that requires a court order and is A LOT harder than if it is not on the application. The lady at the county clerk made us re-do our paperwork when we got our license because I didn’t put I would change it, and she said if it wasn’t on that document it would be an INSANE process to change it. No advice because I didn’t do it that way, but OP it does make a BIG difference if you put you would change it on the license or not.
ETA – I am mind blown on the father thing in general though. Why was he even with you at an event that should have been just you and your husband to be anyway? I would have told him off then and there regardless, and my dad is a hot head / embarrassing in public at times so I totally get that.